


Girl Next Door

by W0rldofmy0wn



Series: Neighbors AU [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Annoyed Anya, Because Clexa are always soulmates, Both are in other relationships but Clexa is endgame, Childhood best friends but drifted apart, F/F, Life brings them back together, Sassy Octavia, Sassy Raven, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-16 08:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 62,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W0rldofmy0wn/pseuds/W0rldofmy0wn
Summary: Lexa was seven years old when she asked Clarke to marry her. Now it's ten years later and the two hardly speak, barely see each other except at their windows when they're doing their homework. With Octavia and Raven at her side and Finn as her boyfriend, Clarke's perfectly happy. Except that recently life keeps throwing one painful thing after another at her, and in doing so she somehow finds herself spending more and more time with her one-time best friend. Being around Lexa just makes her guilt eat away at her though, a secret she's kept for over eight years locked inside. Only she knows what it is, why their friendship crumbled apart in the first place, but that's one secret she has no desire to share. Will life find a way to overcome it and unite the two once again? Of course, because the universe knows they're soulmates even if they don't.Or the Neighbors AU no one asked for. This story is Clarke's side of events;You Belong With Metells Lexa's side.





	1. Chapter 1

_“Clarke will you marry me?”_  
  
_Clarke frowned as she looked up from the lines she'd been drawing in the dirt with the toe of her shoe. Pushing lightly against the dirt, her swing moved as she watched her best friend in the whole world stomp towards her, clearly upset about something. Her wavy brown hair swung slightly from the movement, and Clarke's eyes caught on it for just a second, always drawn to the few tiny braids peppered here and there along her scalp. “How come?” she wanted to know, eyes flicking away from her hair to her best friend's face, and watched as Lexa scowled, her arms crossing in front of her._  
  
_“Tristan says now I'm seven I gotta be his girlfriend,” she complained, rolling her eyes, and Clarke's nose scrunched up. Mirroring the look, the brunette added, “I don't wanna be his girlfriend. Boys are gross.”_  
  
_Clarke nodded in agreement, thinking about how Tristan was especially gross. Lexa definitely shouldn't be his girlfriend, that was obvious, but she wasn't so sure about everything else. “Can we be married?” she asked her best friend, looking up and meeting green eyes bright with her anger. Even though she always hated seeing Lexa upset, she did like how bright her eyes got. “I'm only six.” The brunette frowned, thinking about that for a second, and then shrugged. “We can be married after your birthday.” Lexa moved to the swing Clarke had saved for her, sitting on it heavily. It was their rule that the first person who made it to the swing set had to save a swing for the other person so they could swing together. John Murphy had tried to take it a couple minutes ago but Clarke had grabbed it and didn't let go until he went away. Lexa looked over to her, her anger pretty much gone now as she added, “Till then we can be ingaged.”_  
  
_Clarke thought about this for a second and then nodded once, feeling her lips curl into a smile. That smile only seemed to grow as Lexa's mirrored them. “Okay!” she agreed, releasing one of the swing's chains. She reached out into the space between them like always, and like always Lexa quickly did the same, their pinkies wrapping around each other. “I'll marry you Lexa. We can do it on my birthday. You can be the wife and I'll be the husband.”_  
  
_Lexa's smile quickly turned into a frown, looking at the blonde like she'd gone crazy._  
  
_“You can't be the husband,” she argued. “I asked you, so I'm the husband.”_  
  
_“But I have a boy's name,” Clarke replied. She shook her head and some of her hair fell in her face, her focus falling on it and eyes crossing as she looked at it. About to try to blow it away, she stopped when Lexa reached over, brushing it back behind her ear. She gave her best friend another smile as thanks, but didn't back down. “I should be the husband cause everyone thinks I'm a boy 'fore they meet me anyways.” All her teachers always thought she was a boy the first day of school, and a lot of the kids in the class were always picking on her, telling her she wasn't supposed to be a girl cause of her name. Lexa always stood up for her though, glaring at them and making them stop. Most of the other kids thought she was scary, but Clarke never thought that at all. She was always just Lexa, and that made her the best person ever._  
  
_“But you're not a boy,” Lexa stated, letting her swing fall back in place, their pinkies still linked between them. “You're Clarke and I love your name. It's the best. I gotta be the husband cause I asked.”_  
  
_Clarke let out a little huff, frustrated. There had to be something they could do to make this work, and her brow scrunched up as she began to think really hard, staring in front of her. Suddenly her face lit up, an idea coming to her, and her pinky tightened around Lexa's before she looked over._  
  
_“We can both be the husbands!” she exclaimed, not really sure why she hadn't thought of it sooner. It was the obvious solution, after all. After a second Lexa grinned, clearly agreeing, and nodded as she said, “Okay!” Lexa's grin made Clarke's smile grow. She'd always do anything to make Lexa smile, so she was proud of herself for coming up with a solution the other girl clearly liked._  
  
_“Kay, so we're gonna be married and be husbands,” she declared, entirely determined and sure they'd come up with the best idea ever as Lexa added a little more pressure against her pinky. Suddenly another thought hit her though, and her smile fell a little, suddenly unsure. The moment her smile disappeared so did Lexa's, the brunette now frowning as she looked at the blonde worriedly. “What's wrong, Clarke?”_  
_“I think we gotta kiss.”_  
  
  
_“What?” Lexa asked, her eyes widening in shock. “Why do we gotta do that?” Clarke rolled her eyes before she raised an eyebrow, giving the brunette a look._  
  
_“We gotta, Lexa,” she repeated, even as her tummy squirmed a little. “When people get ingaged they kiss. If you don't want Tristan to be your boyfriend then I think we gotta.” She saw Lexa frown, but then the next second her expression settled in determination. “Okay,” she said, “I guess we gotta.”_  
  
_Together they both turned, the chains of their swings twisting, and pushed themselves closer towards each other. Clarke swallowed thickly, tummy still squirming. She felt kind of like she did whenever a teacher asked her to read something out loud to the class or answer a question she didn't know the answer to, but she pushed forward anyway. She'd never do this for anyone else because kissing was gross, but for Lexa she'd give it a try. She'd do anything for Lexa, especially if it meant keeping dumb Tristan from thinking she was his girlfriend. He wasn't nearly good enough to have someone as amazing as her best friend._  
  
_Despite her determination however, she couldn't help it as her nerves continued to spread. Her eyes flickered down to Lexa's lips, wondering what it would be like to feel them against her own. Suddenly Lexa pressed forward, her pinky leaving the blonde's so she could instead grasp the chain of her swing, pulling them closer together. The space between them all but disappeared and at the last second Lexa's eyes closed, probably too nervous to keep them open. Clarke's didn't, her eyes widening instead, shocked. The kiss didn't land fully on her mouth, instead pressing into the corner of her lips, but even so the blonde's heart skipped a beat and then began racing. The spot where Lexa's lips touched her own tingled, and for another second she couldn't quite make herself swallow. It lasted for no more than an instant and then Lexa pulled away and Clarke simply sat there, her mind not entirely working until she noticed her best friend couldn't look at her. A blush had sprouted along her cheeks, turning almost her entire face red. She released the other girl's swing, probably trying to push herself away, embarrassed, but before she could go very far Clarke reached out, her fingers easily slipping through Lexa's. She watched as Lexa looked down at their conjoined hands, clearly surprised._  
  
_“Now we're ingaged,” Clarke said, smiling at Lexa as she finally looked back up at her. “We're gonna be together forever, Lexa.”_  
  
_“Yeah,” Lexa murmured, and the blonde felt her tummy squirm again when she met bright green eyes, except this time it felt kind of good. “Forever.”_

____

***

_Ten Years Later_

“Alright guys, I think we're good,” Clarke called out as she turned around, eyeing her team over. “Nice job today everyone!”  
  
All at once her neatly formed lines of cheerleaders broke apart, some immediately forming together in small clusters while others took off, clearly having plans that prevented them from sticking around. Most of them tossed their captain a quick nod or smile which Clarke was quick to return, shouting out reminders of their next practice even as they walked away. Without anyone's direct attention on her, the blonde quickly made her way over to her bag she'd tossed on the ground at the beginning of practice and pulled out her phone. Pulling up her messages, she shot off a quick one to the last person she'd been texting before practice.  
  
**Clarke (3:46 PM): How is he?**  
  
“Hey Clarke,” she heard, and she looked up from her phone just as she hit send. “Hey Aden,” she said, giving the Freshmen a warm smile. “What's up?”  
  
“I just wanted to say thanks again for those stretches,” he replied, fingers gripping around the strap of his backpack almost nervously. “I really appreciate it.”  
  
“No problem,” she told him as she picked up her own bag, swinging it over her shoulder. “We'll get those muscles built up in no time.” She gave him another smile and then added, “Nice round off today, by the way. That's looking really good.” He beamed as much as a Woods can beam, tucking his chin against his sternum. She'd known him long enough to know he was trying to hide the blush growing along his cheeks but decided not to say anything, instead just giving him a little wave as they both turned away and began heading in opposite directions. As she made her way over to the bleachers she noticed two people hurrying away from them and immediately recognized Lexa and only a second later her girlfriend. For a second she wondered what had happened to make Lexa move so fast, but her phone buzzing in her hand made her forget everything else as she quickly looked at the screen.  
  
**Mom (3:50 PM): He's doing well. A little tired. Are you coming home or do you have plans?**  
  
Before she could type back a reply, she felt arms wrap around her waist and suddenly she was being spun around in the air. Letting out a laugh, she looked over her shoulder to find brown eyes glinting with mischief and lips pulled up in a smirk.  
  
“Finn!” she exclaimed even as she laughed, “Put me down!”  
  
“Aww come on Princess,” he said, using the nickname he'd given her months ago. At first she'd hated it, but she had to admit it had grown on her. “Haven't you ever wanted to fly?”  
  
“I fly just fine during practice,” she replied, lightly nudging him in the side and managing to get him to put her down. “I'll stick to doing it when I have a spotter, thanks.”  
  
“I can be your spotter,” he teased, not letting his grip around her middle loosen even once her feet were again on the ground. She turned in his arms, slinging her own over his shoulders and cocked an eyebrow at him.  
  
“I have a spotter already,” she told him, trying to hold back her grin. “How about you stick with being my boyfriend and we'll call it good?” He grinned and nodded once. “I can agree to that,” he replied before leaning over and kissing her. Her shoulders relaxed, some of her stress slipping away, and just let herself return the kiss. She really, really loved kissing him.  
  
Whistles behind her finally made her pull away, rolling her eyes before she'd even turned around. To no one's surprise, the noises came from Raven and Octavia, both apparently having noticed the couple making out not far away.  
  
“Get a room!” Raven yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth even as Octavia continued to whistle. “Nobody wants to see you two getting down and dirty in the middle of the football field!” Octavia cackled, smirking before adding, “Yeah, at least take it back to the locker rooms!” Sitting just above them on the bleachers, Clarke saw Anya Forest roll her eyes. “Don't you still need to change, Octavia? Or do you usually wear your pads home?” The other girl looked down, as though just remembering she was still wearing her football uniform from the practice they'd just finished. “Oh yeah,” she muttered, and then grinned again as she grabbed her helmet from the bleachers where she must have thrown it earlier. Jogging over to the couple, she grabbed Clarke by the arm.  
  
“Come on lovebird, let's go change,” she said. “We're all going to the Dropship for a post-practice snack.” The blonde flashed her boyfriend a quick smile as one of her two best friends began to pull her back towards the school, and then looked over at the brunette.  
  
“Actually I was thinking of heading home,” she told her, once again looking down to the phone in her hand. Without Finn's lips to distract her, all she could think about were her texts. Octavia must have seen the look, because when she spoke again her tone had softened, understanding flashing in her eyes. “Come on Clarke, come have a little fun with us, just for a little while,” she insisted gently. “You know he'd want you to. You deserve to just relax for a few minutes.”  
  
The cheerleader sighed, part of her wanting to argue and the other part longing to give in. Glancing back down to her phone, she finally made a compromise. “Let me text my mom, see if she needs me for anything,” she said. “If she doesn't, then I'm in.” Octavia's lips curled up into a bright smile and she threw an arm over the blonde's shoulder, the movement a little cumbersome with the thick pads still covering her own shoulders.  
  
“Sounds good!” she agreed, and then one corner of her mouth pulled up a little higher. “Especially since I know Abby's gonna say yes.” Clarke rolled her eyes and the brunette just continued to grin before dropping her arm from her friend's shoulder and then jogged away, headed for the locker rooms. Rather than run to catch up, Clarke looked back at her phone. Her mother's last message still showed on the lock screen, waiting for a reply.  
  
**Clarke (4:14 PM): I don't know. It sounds like the gang's going to the Dropship.**  
  
She decided to leave it at that, not actually indicating whether she would be going or not to see what her mom would say. As much as she loved her friends she couldn't help but feel like she should just go home and check on her dad. She knew it had probably been a hard day for him, even if her mom hadn't explicitly said so, and she wanted to be there for him.  
  
Her response came about five minutes later as she was changing in the locker room. Her phone buzzed from where she'd set it in her locker and she instantly reached for it, ignoring the fact she was now standing in just her jeans and a bra.  
  
**Mom (4:19 PM): Sounds like fun! I haven't really figured out anything for dinner, so don't worry about spoiling your appetite.**  
  
That was not really the answer she wanted, so quickly she typed back.  
  
**Clarke (4:19 PM): Are you sure? I don't have to go.**  
  
The reply was nearly instantaneous.  
  
**Mom (4:20 PM): Go Clarke. Have fun, and Dad says to have a strawberry milkshake for him.**  
  
“So?” she heard behind her, and could practically feel Octavia watching her. “What's the verdict?” The blonde sighed, typing out a quick promise to be home before too long and to order the requested drink, and then turned to her friend.  
  
“You and Bellamy are not coming in my car,” she informed her, giving her a look. “You always stink after football practice.”  
  
“Excuse you, I put on more deodorant,” the other girl replied, mock offended. “It's Bellamy that's always gross.” Tugging her shirt over her head, Clarke rolled her eyes. “Do you two even realize we have showers here? This is kind of what they're for.”  
  
“A real good shower takes too long,” Octavia replied, shrugging. “I'll save that for when I get home.” Once again she slung an arm over the blonde's shoulder, and then wrinkled her nose. “Besides, look whose talking,” she said. “You don't exactly smell lemony fresh yourself.”  
  
“I don't know what you're talking about, I smell amazing,” Clarke joked, nudging against her friend. They each grabbed their bags and the blonde slipped her phone into her pocket, and then they began making their way out of the locker room. “I definitely smell better than you.”  
  
“No way Griffin,” Octavia said, shaking her head. She grabbed a fistful of loose blonde locks, taking a big whiff of them, and briefly Clarke wondered when in their years of friendship they had lost all sense of personal boundaries. She didn't know for sure, but it was definitely years ago. “Your hair smells like you haven't washed it in months. I definitely smell better.”  
  
“Sorry O, but Clarke smells better,” they heard as they stepped out of the locker room and found Bellamy just outside. Apparently they'd been speaking loudly enough to be heard through the door, because he grinned. “You're just gonna have to deal with it.”  
  
Octavia rolled her eyes at her big brother while Clarke's grin grew. “I didn't ask for your opinion, Bell. And you're wrong anyway.”  
  
“It's two-to-one, sorry Octavia,” Clarke told her, shaking her head. “You stink and I don't.” Octavia was about to retort when the door to the guy's locker room opened and Lincoln Forest walked out. Her jaw immediately snapped shut, eyes widening a little, and Clarke fought to hold in her laugh. The brunette had been crushing on him for over a month now, and honestly, she could definitely see why. In a white t-shirt nearly too small for him, he might actually be the definition of a sex god. Add to that the kind brown eyes and chiseled jaw line and Clarke wondered if any girl in their school didn't have at least a little crush on him. She loved being with Finn and she didn't plan on changing that any time soon, but she'd be lying if she said she couldn't appreciate Lincoln's looks.  
  
“Hey,” he said, flashing them a little smile. “See you guys tomorrow.”  
  
“See ya Lincoln,” Bellamy replied and Clarke echoed the goodbye, but Octavia seemed unable to say anything. The blonde glanced over at her friend, catching her eyes following a drop of water that fell from his temple down his chin. Unlike the two of them, it would appear he'd showered. He just gave them a little nod and was about to walk away, but before he did he stopped. Looking at the brunette over his shoulder he told her, “And I don't think you stink Octavia, so it's two-to-two.” With that he left them and Clarke braced herself, knowing how her friend would react.  
  
“Okay, it's official,” the other girl declared almost the exact moment he disappeared around the corner. “He is the hottest, sweetest guy ever. I need to date him.”  
  
“How come I'm not the hottest and sweetest guy ever?” Bellamy wanted to know, falling in line with them as they began to make their way to the parking lot knowing Raven and Finn would be waiting for them there. “I'm just as good-looking as Lincoln.”  
  
Without missing a beat Octavia's expression changed, nose scrunching up in disgust. “Ew. No Bell, you aren't even close to as attractive as Lincoln. You're just... my brother.” He rolled his eyes and then looked over to Clarke, raising his eyebrows.  
  
“Well fine, what about you Clarke?” he wanted to know. “You don't have an obvious bias against me; I'm hot, right?” He wiggled his eyebrows, clearly trying to sell it, and Clarke grinned even as she shook her head.  
  
“I don't know if I'd say you're as hot as Lincoln, but yeah, you're attractive Bellamy,” she answered. He scowled, clearly not getting the answer he wanted. “Where's Raven?” he mumbled, looking ahead. “She'll agree with me.” Octavia scoffed, giving him a look, and he just grit his jaw. “Well she will.”  
  
“We must know two different Ravens,” his sister mused. “The Raven I know has some sense.” He stuck his tongue out at her and she returned the gesture and now it was Clarke's turn to roll her eyes, wondering what it said about her that her best friends acted about as mature as toddlers.  
  
Making their way into the student parking lot, they found Raven and Finn waiting for them between Raven and Clarke's cars, each leaning against one. Almost as soon as he saw them, Bellamy called out, “Hey Raven! How hot am I?” Her head tilted, as though she were studying him, and then replied with some kind of semblance of seriousness, “An eight. On a good day an eight point five.” He seemed to take this into consideration for a minute and then asked, “How hot is Lincoln?” Raven let out a laugh. “He's an eleven. A fifteen on a good day.”  
  
“Damn right!” Octavia agreed, letting go of Clarke so she could run the last few feet and high five the other girl. Bellamy scowled and then pulled Clarke closer to him. “You both suck. Clarke's my favorite now.”  
  
“I'm not sure I should be happy about being your favorite by default, but I guess I'll take it,” the blonde told him. She looked over and could see the glare Finn was trying to hold back, and slipped out of Bellamy's hold. Walking over to him, she leaned against his shoulder, nudging it playfully. “You're my favorite though.” That made him immediately brighten back up and then his arms were slipping around her, holding her closer to him. “You're my favorite too.” He kissed her and she kissed him back, fingers gripping his arms lightly.  
  
“Alright already we get it, you two are in love and sickly sweet,” Raven groaned, interrupting them. “Can we go now? The boys should be at the Dropship already. They're saving us a table.”  
  
Clarke broke away from her boyfriend, turning back to her friends and nodding. “Yeah yeah, we're ready,” she agreed, and then she nodded to the Blakes. “You get to take the sweaty football players though. I already called it.”  
  
“What?!” Raven exclaimed, looking from them to the blonde. “That's so not fair! You can't call it when I'm not there! They're gonna stink up my car.” Clarke shrugged, the corners of her lips curling up higher. “Sorry Rae, it's already done. Just roll down the windows and I'm sure it'll be fine.” Finn let out a laugh and the blonde smirked, and then they were getting in her car without another word. The other three moved to do the same and the last thing Clarke heard before closing her door was Raven telling them, “I swear if you make my car smell I will drain your blood and use it as fuel. I will find a way!”  
  
Clarke started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, one of her dad's old Aerosmith CDs immediately filling the quiet around them. She tapped her fingers along to the song on her steering wheel, trying hard not to think about how easy it would be to just go home.  
  
“So Bellamy's an eight point five, huh?” Finn said, trying to keep his tone conversational but Clarke could hear the edge underneath it. “What am I?”  
  
“Raven's the one who said that, and she said on a good day,” she replied, keeping her own tone light. She really didn't want to get into this again. Glancing over to him quickly, she added, “And I'd have to give you a nine.”  
  
“A nine, huh?” he repeated, grinning. “That's pretty good. What would I have to do to get up to a ten?” She shrugged. “I don't know, but there's always room for improvement.” He chuckled lightly and then reached out and she immediately did the same, taking his hand in hers. Now driving one handed, they fell back into a comfortable silence until he broke it again. “So what would you give Bellamy?”  
  
“Finn,” Clarke groaned, almost taking her hand away. “Seriously? How many times do we have to do this?” Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw him nearly wince before he turned and stared out the window, unable to look at her. “I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll knock it off.” She looked over quickly, seeing the look on his face, and squeezed his hand. She knew it wasn't that he didn't like Bellamy or that he didn't trust her, but rather that he hated the way people talked around school. Apparently people seemed to think she and Bellamy should date and were all just waiting for her to dump Finn for him, so whenever anything like this came up it played on his insecurities. She squeezed his hand again and he looked back over to her so she gave him a little smile.  
  
“I'm dating you, Finn,” she reminded him. “Bellamy's my friend and he's going to keep being my friend, but I'm dating you. And I don't want anyone else.” Slowly she saw his shoulders loosen up and then his lips curl up, the smile she loved to see back where it belonged. Gently he took their conjoined hands, pulling them over to him, and placed a light kiss on her fingers.  
  
“I'm sorry,” he said again, clearly meaning it. “I know I'm a big idiot. I'm working on it. Do you forgive me?”  
  
“Of course,” she replied, focus mostly on the road as she pulled into the parking lot of their favorite sandwich and pizza place. Once parked, she turned towards him fully, quirking an eyebrow even as she grinned. “I forgive you, but it'd be nice if you could just take my word and stop being so worried. I'm not leaving you for Bellamy.” Just the thought of her and Bellamy together left a bad taste in her mouth. “Yeah no, I'm definitely never going to date Bellamy Blake.” Her expression must have given away just how grossed out the thought made her, because then Finn was laughing, tears nearly coming out of his eyes.  
  
“Good to know,” he told her after he got control of himself. Unbuckling, he shifted in his seat, somehow managing to hold himself above the center console so he was hovering right next to her face. Her throat went dry when she noticed the look in his eyes, butterflies suddenly erupting in her stomach. “Because I really, really like what we've got here and I'm not even close to ready to let it go.”  
  
“Me neither,” Clarke tried to say, but she was pretty sure the words got stuck on their way out. It didn't matter, because the next second he was kissing her, one hand wrapping lightly around the back of her neck, and she nearly whimpered into the kiss. It was all passion, deep and a little messy, and the sporadic moments when his lips released hers she couldn't quite manage to draw air into her lungs. Her fingers flew to his hair, winding into it, and she kissed him back with equal fervor until his mouth moved down her jaw, lips sucking and teeth dragging lightly along her skin. Her breath caught in her chest when she suddenly felt his mouth on her neck and she gripped his hair tighter, just needing something to hold onto as her nerve endings fired furious signals through her body.  
  
Three sharp knocks on her window dragged her back to the real world, and they broke apart just enough to glance over to see who'd made them.  
  
“Alright, separate,” Raven informed them, one hand going to her hip as she raised an eyebrow at them. Looking at the blonde, she added, “Clarke, you're not losing it in a parking lot, especially at the Dropship. You're classier than that and I won't be able to work here anymore if you do. Don't taint the place I get paid.” A furious blush spread across the blonde's cheeks, having to glance away from her best friend even as Finn began chuckling again.  
  
“She's right,” he said, pushing himself back into his own seat. “This probably isn't the best place for that.” Reaching over, he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “We'll have to pick this up later somewhere.”  
  
“Yeah,” she agreed, trying to sound calmer than she felt. “Later.” Doing her best to shake off the residual energy still lingering through her, she gave him a smile. “Let's go.”  
  
They stepped out of the car, and when she got out Raven was still right there, giving her the same look. “Shut up,” the blonde mumbled, momentarily unable to meet her eyes. The other girl looked like she was about to say something, but then instead she just grabbed her friend's arm.  
  
“Come on, everyone's already inside,” she just said, apparently choosing to ignore what she'd just interrupted. Clarke counted herself lucky, fully aware how much her friends liked to stick their noses into her business. She loved them all, but sometimes it drove her crazy. “Wick's working today, I have flirting to do.”  
  
“You didn't need to wait for us then,” Clarke thought she heard Finn mutter behind them, but if Raven heard him she ignored it.  
  
Inside they found their friends all crammed into a booth, Bellamy and Octavia on one side and Jasper and Monty on the other. Bellamy and Jasper seemed to be arguing about something, Jasper using wild hand gestures to try to prove his point that Monty easily avoided after years of practice. His evasion of Jasper's arm was even more impressive when Clarke realized he wasn't paying any attention to the conversation, instead busy writing in a notebook, probably doing his calculus homework. Between him, Jasper and Raven, sometimes the blonde forgot she was actually friends with geniuses. Octavia looked bored, slowly sipping on a cup of water that had already been brought over for her. Her eyes lit up when she saw them walk in.  
  
“Finally!” she exclaimed, breaking through the heated debate going on around her. “What took you two so long?” Clarke forced herself not to look over to Finn and just shrugged. “We were just talking. What are they arguing about?”  
  
“Which is better, _The Iliad_ or _The Odyssey_ ,” Octavia replied with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “I'm getting ready to pull an Oedipus and use some knitting needles to gauge out my eyes. It'll be more fun than this at least.”  
  
“If you're going to be Oedipus you'll need to kill your father and sleep with your mother first,” Monty spoke up, not looking away from his notebook. “Which is kind of looked down on.”  
  
“Yeah, let's not do that,” Clarke agreed, moving over to the booth and sliding in next to Monty. They all scooted closer so Finn could slide in next to her as well.  
  
“Hey Raven,” they all heard, and the blonde looked over at the man behind the counter. He smirked, one side of his mouth turning up, and told her, “You know you don't have to come in on your days off, right?”  
  
“And miss seeing you?” she tossed back at him even as she sat next to Bellamy. “How could I do that? Now get over here and take our orders!” Wick grinned, grabbing an order sheet, and made his way over.  
  
As they waited for their food, Clarke tried not to act like she couldn't wait to leave. She loved her friends more than nearly anything in the world, but she couldn't help glancing up every few minutes to look at the clock hanging on the wall. Its hands seemed to tick by slowly, so much so she almost asked Raven if it actually worked, but she forced herself not to. When their orders came she sucked down her milkshake as quickly as she could, nearly giving herself brain freeze in the process. The second her cup was empty she took out her wallet and tossed a few dollars on the table.  
  
“Sorry guys, I have to go now,” she told them, nudging against Finn so he'd let her out of the booth. “See you all tomorrow.” Jasper and Monty tried to convince her to stay longer, Bellamy joked about her ditching them, while Raven and Octavia both gave her knowing looks.  
  
“Text us later, okay?” Octavia told her, Raven nodding in agreement, and she gave her two best friends a little smile. “I will,” she promised. She glanced to the guys, Jasper and Bellamy both on their second shake, and added, “Don't let them have too many more of those. They'll be up all night and then we'll have to deal with them tomorrow.”  
  
“Yes Mom,” they all recited together and she chuckled, shaking her head.  
  
Rather than sit back down once she was up, Finn gestured to the door. “Let me walk you out,” he said and she nodded, the two easily falling in step. Outside again, they stopped in front of her car, just standing there for a second.  
  
“You sure you're okay getting a ride home with Raven and the other two?” she asked, feeling a little bad for leaving him but he just nodded.  
  
“Yeah, no worries,” he told her. He paused for a second then, looking like he was thinking something over, and then he reached out, gently cupping her face in both hands. When she met his eyes, she could see the sincerity and worry in them. “It's gonna be okay Clarke,” he murmured, one thumb brushing against her cheek. “It really is.”  
  
A lump grew in her throat but she swallowed it down, forcing herself to smile as though a giant ball of fear hadn't taken refuge in her chest a few months ago.  
  
“Yeah, I know,” she lied, trying to sound more sure than she felt. “Of course it is.” She let her mask slip slightly to the side, meeting his eyes. “Thanks Finn.”  
  
“I'm always here Princess,” he replied, using the nickname to lighten the mood. Leaning forward, he left a light kiss on her lips, one she happily accepted. “I'll call you later?”  
  
“Yeah,” she agreed as she stepped back out of his hold, moving towards her car. “I'd like that.” He flashed her a smile and watched as she got in the car, waiting until she'd pulled out of the parking lot to head back inside.  
  
Now alone, Clarke's fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly. As much as she'd been waiting to go home all day, now she nearly dreaded it. Fear gripped her, digging its claws into her skin and peeling her apart little by little. She wanted to close her eyes and know that when she opened them that fear would be gone, that everything about her life would be great again, but she knew it wouldn't work. She'd already tried that hundreds of times over the past three months, and every time she opened them it was to the same truth she'd been trying to hide from.  
  
Soon she was pulling into her driveway, and that fear turned into bile coating the back of her throat. She forced herself to swallow a few times in the hopes of fighting it back, and then let out a long breath before getting out of the car. Without wasting another second she headed to the front door and let herself inside.  
  
“Clarke is that you?” she heard her mother call. “You're back early.”  
  
“Yeah it's me,” she called as she kicked her shoes off. “I wasn't very hungry so I figured I would come home.”  
  
Walking down the hall Clarke turned the corner into her living room and found her parents sitting and relaxing. Her mother looked up at her, mouth drawn up in a smile, but behind it the blonde could see the exhaustion in her eyes. Even deeper than that she thought she could see a fear that matched her own, hidden away but nevertheless present. She'd spent the past few months watching her mother do her best to hide her fear, but even so it snuck out, managing to hide in the new lines etched into her skin.  
  
Her father sat next to her mother, and nothing about his exhaustion was hidden. Clarke read it in the dark circles beneath his eyes. She read it in the slope of his shoulders, the weight he'd lost. Not long ago he'd been the most handsome man the blonde knew with his laughing eyes and strong shoulders. He was still handsome to her but that handsomeness had faded, as though he'd become more of a shadow of himself. His eyes still held their light and his mouth still carried his smile, but now sometimes it took everything in her not to break down and cry when she looked at him. She looked at him and was terrified, afraid of the day she might look and he would no longer be there.  
  
“Hey there kiddo,” he said, and Clarke had to bite the inside of her cheek. Even his voice sounded tired. “How was your day?”  
  
“Fine,” she replied, dropping her bag into one of their empty chairs. “Same old same old. Had a test in English, Raven nearly blew us all up in Chem lab again, and cheer practice went well enough that no one got hurt.” She pretended to fall back on the couch but actually was really careful not to bump him, even as she tried to subtly study him out of the corner of her eyes. “What about you? How'd it go today?”  
  
“Also fine,” he answered, still giving her a grin. “I sat and read a book while a machine pumped me full of drugs. I haven't done anything quite so thrilling since the last time I sat and had a machine pump me full of drugs.” It all came out as a joke, but Clarke's gut twisted at the image.  
  
“And he's barely complained at all since we got back,” her mother added, giving him a look even as the corners of her lips tugged up. “You're a better patient now than you were when this all started, at least.”  
  
“I'm a man who listens to his doctors,” he agreed solemnly, and then winked at his daughter. “I have to, since my wife knows them all and will tell on me if I don't.” Clarke shook her head but couldn't help but grin, wondering how it is he could do that so easily. Changing topics, he gave her a look. “Did you have a milkshake for me?”  
  
Clarke nodded. “Strawberry, just like you requested. Next time I'll bring one back for you.” He reached over, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and pulled her against him. “And that is why you're my favorite daughter.”  
  
The moment he pulled her over, Clarke curled into his shoulder. She tried to act like the adult she'd soon be, but all of a sudden she felt like she was five years old again and being held by her daddy. Her hero. She could so easily remember his strong grip as he held her, so different from what it was now, and felt the tears gathering in her eyes. With her head tucked into his shoulder she fought them back, refusing to be anything but strong for him. If he could face this thing with a smile and a laugh then so would she, even if inside she'd broken down a long time ago.  
  
“Have you eaten anything?” she asked, looking back up at him, and on his other side she saw her mother's lips purse. Well that answered that question. “I think I'm going to make some soup. Do you want tomato or chicken noodle?” She began pushing herself up before he even answered.  
  
“I'm not really that hungry,” he told her, arm dropping back down to his side. “Make whatever you want.” Her mom gave him that look that only a wife and mother can give and informed him, “You need to eat something Jake.” Looking up at her daughter as Clarke rounded the couch, she added, “How about tomato, Clarke?” The blonde nodded and made her way into the kitchen to get started on the dinner, leaving her parents behind to argue about her father's eating habits. Ever since his first dose of chemotherapy he'd lost a lot of his appetite and Clarke knew the weight loss was worrying her mother nearly as much as the cancer. The two of them worked together to bully and goad him into eating, but even so the blonde couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him eat a full meal.  
  
The soup made, they all moved to the dining table and her father spent the whole meal making them laugh despite everything. He even managed to eat almost his entire bowl of soup, and for a second Clarke could almost pretend like things were normal. She'd always loved these moments, just the three of them together talking and laughing. Before the cancer there had been far fewer of them, both her parents busy with their work and her busy with school, friends and cheering, but now more and more they spent their evenings as a family. Clarke was afraid to think about why that was, how they did it now in case the chemo didn't work and couldn't do it later, so she pushed that fear as far down as possible just as she'd done with the rest of it. She laughed at her father's jokes and rolled her eyes as her mother tried to reprimand them both for one thing or another even as she tried not to grin, and tried to lock every second away in her memory.  
  
Once they'd all finished eating Clarke dragged herself away, knowing she had homework she still needed to get done. Shaking her head at one last joke, she left the kitchen to grab the bag she'd left in the living room, and then headed upstairs to her room. The moment she was alone with the door closed she let her shoulders sag, all of her energy just draining away. She spent all day every day keeping up appearances for her friends, her teachers, even her parents, and it was only now she allowed herself to truly let those walls down. The fear and worry she'd been pushing down crept back up, sticking like fishhooks to her insides, and for just a second she wondered if they would ever truly go away. The next minute she was trying to ignore them again as she crossed her room, tossing her bag on her bed and then pulling out everything she would need.  
  
Sitting down at her desk, she stared at the notebook in front of her as well as the worksheet Sinclair had given them earlier in Chem lab. Seven chemical equations sat before her, all waiting to be properly balanced. She'd managed to start the assignment when she had Raven right next to her to help, but they'd only been able to get through one and a half of them. The rest stared at her as though they knew she couldn't care less about them.  
  
She managed to struggle her way through two of them and started on the third when she looked up, needing to stretch her neck. Years ago she'd chosen to set up her desk right in front of her window, and now she smiled as she saw why. From here she could easily see into her neighbor's bedroom window, which might have been creepy if it hadn't been Lexa and they hadn't been such good friends when they were little. The other girl was already looking out her own window, clearly trying to get her own homework done. She looked surprised when Clarke met her eyes, as though she hadn't expected her to look up as well, and the blonde's smile just grew. Quickly she flipped a few pages in her notebook and scribbled a simple message before holding it up. _Chemistry sucks._  
  
Lexa grinned as she read it, and then Clarke watched as the brunette looked down at her desk, working out her own message. Lifting it up, she could see Lexa's eyebrows rise even with the space between them. _Your dad's an engineer, mom's a surgeon._ She turned the page, added something else, and then held it up again. _Shouldn't chemistry be in your blood?_  
  
Clarke shook her head, lips pulling into a grin, and then scribbled out a response. _Must've skipped a generation._ She wrote out another note. _You?_ After holding it up, she nodded towards the laptop she could see in front of the other girl, hoping Lexa would understand the question. Less than a minute later she got the response and knew she had.  
  
_History,_ she wrote back, _Women's rights movement, 1900's._ Clarke nodded and leaned over her notebook to write a response. _True heroes._ When she held it up, she could see Lexa let out a laugh even as she nodded. Flipping to a new page, she added to her message. _Have fun!_ Looking out the window, she thought maybe Lexa's smile softened before she turned back to her notebook, and Clarke felt something warm fill her chest. She'd forgotten how much she loved that smile. Holding up her notebook for the last time, Lexa met her eyes before she looked at the writing on the paper. _Thanks. Good luck with the chem!_ Clarke's nose scrunched up at the reminder of her work, but even so she held up her thumb and tried to flash the brunette another smile. Their conversation clearly over, she let out a long sigh as she turned her focus back to her homework, even as her mind continued to wander towards the girl next door. Thinking about Lexa and how easy it was to talk to her just made guilt flood through her system though, adding to the fear already scrambling her intestines, so she forced herself to think of nothing but equations that needed balancing.


	2. Chapter 2

“Would you knock it off with the humming?” Raven asked, annoyed as she shot a look over at Octavia. The other girl lay on her back on Clarke's bed, holding a book above her face but the way she'd been humming for the past few minutes told them she hadn't paid any attention to what she was supposed to be reading. Her head tilted back, peering at Raven sitting at the other end of the bed and gave her a smirk.  
  
“Nope,” she replied simply, looking back to the book. With barely any pause she picked right back up in the humming and Raven shot a glare at her.  
  
“Seriously, knock it off,” she growled. “I can't concentrate with your bad humming.” Clarke didn't even look up from her laptop as Octavia's volume increased and Raven's glare intensified. “Come on Rae, you know she's just happy.”  
  
“She can be happy without injuring my eardrums,” Raven muttered, eyes narrowing at the other brunette. “The only thing worse than her singing is her humming.”  
  
“I can start singing then,” Octavia piped up, dropping her book to her stomach. She went to take a deep breath and start belting it out, but Clarke's hand suddenly over her mouth silenced her before she could even begin.  
  
“I wouldn't push it, Octavia,” Clarke told her dryly, calmly glancing from her to Raven and then back. “If you actually want to make it to your date with Lincoln, we have to keep Raven from killing you. That's not likely to happen if you keep pushing her.”  
  
“I could take her,” they heard muffled against the blonde's palm, and Raven let out a laugh. “Ha! As if. I'd kick your ass in a fight, we both know that.”  
  
“No way!” Octavia exclaimed, pushing Clarke's hand away so she could roll over onto her stomach and glare at her friend. “I'm faster and stronger than you: you wouldn't stand a chance against me.”  
  
“Yeah, but I'm craftier than you,” Raven replied with a smirk. Glancing around the room she added, “I can see about five different ways to blow you up just now. One hit and _boom,_ I win.”  
  
“You can't use explosives in a fight,” Octavia declared, rolling her eyes. “A gun, maybe, but not explosives.”  
  
“Says who?” Raven demanded, one hand going to her hip as she raised an eyebrow. “I'm Raven-fucking-Reyes; I can do whatever I want in a fight.” The other brunette opened her mouth to object but was interrupted.  
  
“Nobody's getting into a fight and _definitely_ nobody's blowing anything up,” Clarke told them, giving them both a look, that look intensifying on Raven. She didn't doubt the other girl's ability to turn various harmless accessories in her room into lethal weapons, and needed to end this before she decided she needed to prove her powers. “Octavia, no singing and stop with the humming for now, and Raven relax and let her be happy. She's been talking about Lincoln for weeks so just be glad things are finally progressing with that and we don't have to listen to her pine over him anymore.”  
  
At the mention of Lincoln, a dopey smile spread back across Octavia's face and her arms crossed in front of her before she laid her head on them. “Hmm, Lincoln,” she sighed dreamily, clearly remembering the moment earlier that day when he'd finally asked her on a date. Raven gave her a look and then shook her head, a little grin tugging at the corners of her lips.  
  
“Seriously O, you are the definition of lovestruck,” she stated. She stood up, letting the notebook she'd been balancing on her lap drop to the mattress instead, and stretched her arms above her head. “It's disgusting in that cute dopey way.” Arms dropping back down to her sides, she glanced at her watch and then groaned. “Shit, I shoulda left like five minutes ago. I'm gonna be late.” Grabbing her bag she'd dropped on the floor upon entering the room, she rummaged through it and pulled out a black t-shirt. Without caring about either of the other two watching she stripped out of the tank top she'd been wearing and pulled the tee over her head, the Dropship logo now scrawled across her chest.  
  
Octavia's brow rose as she watched her friend change into her work shirt. “Aren't you pretty much always late to work?” she asked. “Seriously, how do you even have a job still? I'da fired your ass weeks ago.” Raven scoffed. “Please, my boss loves me. I'm too awesome to ever fire. Right Clarke?”  
  
Both brunettes turned to Clarke, expecting the blonde to add her two cents to the conversation, but instead they found her staring off in front of her, clearly not paying any attention. They glanced at each other, used to this by now, and the mood in the room immediately shifted.  
  
“Clarke?” Octavia said softly, pushing herself up while Raven rounded the side of the bed and sat on the girl's other side. Their friend shook her head a little, obviously trying to force herself to focus, and then looked between the two of them. “Sorry, what?”  
  
“Why don't you go out tonight Clarke, do something fun,” Raven suggested, her tone more careful than usual. “Yeah,” Octavia agreed, reaching out and slipping her arm through the blonde's, linking them together. “Let's go out, you and me. We can go see a movie or something.”  
  
“Or you guys can come to the Dropship,” Raven added. “Whenever I have time I'll come over and we can judge how dateable all the customers seem.” Nudging Clarke's shoulder, she said, “You're the most fun to play the game with because you're the only other one not biased and who'll judge any one with me.”  
  
Clarke gave her friends a little smile, knowing what they were doing, but shook her head. “Thanks guys, that sounds fun, but I have a lot of work I need to do tonight.”  
  
“Come on Clarke, you know you're not gonna be able to focus on your homework anyway,” Octavia told her, her bright eyes worried for her friend. “You need to give yourself some kind of distraction from everything that's going on.”  
  
“Yeah,” Raven agreed with a quick nod. “You should have some fun. Hell, even your parents are having a little fun tonight and going on a date. You deserve to do something too.” Clarke gave them the same forced smile she'd been using for weeks now, one she thought maybe hid away everything rolling around in her head and gut and projected an ease she didn't feel. “Fun's nice but it won't help me finish the two essays and one project I need to get done.” She felt them both press a little closer to her, clearly still hoping to change her mind, and made herself keep smiling. “It's fine guys, I'm good, I just need to get this stuff done. I'm fine, really.” They pulled away a little, the looks in their faces telling her they didn't believe her for even a second, but apparently decided not to argue anymore.  
  
“Okay,” Octavia said, glancing at her out of the corner of her vision. “Well if you change your mind, just text me. My homework can wait if you need to get out of here and go do something.”  
  
Clarke flashed her a smile, this one a little more genuine as she teased, “But if you don't do your homework tonight you'll have to cancel your date with Lincoln so you can do it tomorrow. I'd hate to do that to you.”  
  
The other girl just gave her a shrug. “Hey, Lincoln may be hot and all, but you still come first. If you need me, I'm here.”  
  
“Same,” Raven agreed, reaching out and gripping her hand tightly for just a second. “Doesn't matter what's happening or if I'm at work or wherever, if you need me I'm here for you too. All you got to do is text and I'll be here in no time.”  
  
A lump began to form in Clarke's throat as she listened to her two best friends. Despite the fact she hadn't talked much about her dad's cancer and how it and the treatments had been effecting her, she knew her friends could see it anyway, and knowing that they would be there for her any moment she asked for them made her chest feel warm and her throat burn. She swallowed down the lump and the tears she could feel trying to gather, and instead reached out, gripping their hands.  
  
“Thanks guys,” she nearly whispered, the words the only way she really knew how to express what their support meant to her. They both returned the grip with equal force, and Octavia leaned forward, lightly resting her forehead against her shoulder.  
  
“Like we said,” Raven told her, gripping her hand a little tighter. “We're here for you.” She felt Octavia nod against her and had to bite the inside of her cheek lightly to keep herself from tearing up.  
  
They sat like that for another minute, just holding onto each other, until Raven let out a long sigh.  
  
“Alright then, guess it's time to go,” she stated, finally letting go of Clarke's hand and standing up. As she slung her backpack over her shoulder, she looked at Octavia. “O, I can drop you off at your house on the way by if you want.” The smaller brunette looked at Clarke, probably trying to determine whether she was really as alright as she said she was, and the blonde quirked an eyebrow at her, giving her a little smirk. “Yeah, okay, I guess that works,” she agreed, squeezing Clarke's hand once more and then shifting off the bed. She grabbed the book she'd been reading and her own bag, and then eyed her friend one more time.  
  
“I'm fine, Octavia,” Clarke insisted, and she sighed heavily but nodded. Looking at Raven, she jerked her head towards the door. “Come on, let's get you to work so you don't actually get fired.” They both nodded their good-byes to their friend and then made their way towards the door. As they left, Clarke heard Raven say, “I told you, my boss loves me, there's no way I'll ever get fired.”  
  
For a few minutes after they left, Clarke tried to concentrate on her work, trying to re-immerse herself in her essay but her mind kept wandering off. After trying to work on one paragraph for fifteen minutes she got up and carried her laptop over to her desk, hoping she'd be able to focus better there. The desk had always been her true homework area, her bed only used when Raven and Octavia were over, so for a few minutes she managed to concentrate. As she typed away however, the silence around her seemed to amplify, the _clicks_ of the keyboard the only thing breaking through it, and soon that was all she was able to think about. As an only child, she'd spent a good portion of her life in the quiet of isolation, and usually she enjoyed it, used it as a nice break from her hectic life, but at the moment the silence felt like it was suffocating her.  
  
She tried playing music for a few minutes to drown out the silence, but even her favorite playlist couldn't shake off the feeling of being alone. Leaning back in her chair, she looked past her laptop and out the window and her expression fell a little when she noticed her neighbor's empty desk. Part of her had been hoping Lexa would be there when she looked up, working diligently at her homework, and they could have one of their short message discussions. She'd like to actually talk with her more, face to face and close enough they wouldn't need the use of notes, but that would probably just be awkward. She couldn't really remember the last time she and Lexa had actually talked or at least exchanged anything more than pleasant niceties as they crossed paths in a hallway at school; a random conversation now just to try to fend off the silence would only be weird.  
  
For a few more minutes she tried to work, but finally gave up when she'd done nothing but re-write one sentence three times and gotten nowhere in her essay. Closing her laptop, she picked up her phone from beside her, trying to decide what to do. Maybe Octavia and Raven were right, maybe she did need a distraction, but she couldn't quite figure out exactly what kind she needed. Despite what they'd said, she wasn't going to text Raven and ask her to leave work to come spend time with her, and as much as she loved Octavia she knew if she texted her the football player would want her to talk, something she really wasn't in the mood to do. Scrolling through texts with her other friends she crossed them off the list as well, not feeling like she had the energy to deal with Bellamy or Jasper or the right mask to hide behind in order to hang out with Monty. He was just as likely to see through her plastered-on smile as Octavia, and his quiet patience had a way of drawing conversations out of her she really didn't want to have right now.  
  
She stopped scrolling when she got to her latest text from Finn, just a simple little message he'd sent not long after school got out, and smiled a little. He could be a good choice: even if he did see past her mask he wasn't likely to try to push her to talk about anything, and they could just hang out and watch a movie or something. With her parents gone for another couple of hours they could even snuggle and make out on the couch for a while. If that wasn't enough to distract her from everything going on in her life, nothing was.  
  
Beginning to type out a quick invitation to come over, Clarke stopped, thinking a little more about this. They could snuggle and make out on the couch, true, or they could potentially do more. Up until now they hadn't gone past heavy make out sessions with maybe a bit of groping, but she knew he wanted to do more and was just waiting for her say so. Despite the stereotype that comes with being head cheerleader and what she was sure were plenty of rumors around school, she'd never had sex before and when he'd found that out he'd agreed they'd only take it there when she was ready for it. She hadn't really thought about advancing their relationship in that way, but suddenly the thought was in her heard and she couldn't quite shake it.  
  
**Clarke (6:49 PM): What are you doing right now?**  
  
Sending the message, she put her phone down and stared ahead of her, not really seeing anything as she thought this over. She could invite him over for a movie and making out, or she could invite him for more. With the house all to herself, it was the perfect opportunity, and one she didn't know when she would get again. Before the cancer both of her parents had busy work schedules, to the point where they were seldom all three home together, but ever since the diagnosis and start of treatment her father was home more often than not and her mother was usually there too. This was the first time in weeks they'd gone out for something other than a doctor's appointment, and Clarke doubted it would be happening again any time soon. It was far from a now or never scenario, but it suddenly felt like it.  
  
Her phone buzzed against her desk, and she picked it up, quickly reading the two new messages.  
  
**Finn (6:52 PM): Nothin.**  
  
**Finn (6:52 PM): Y, whats up?**  
  
Heart beginning to pump a little faster, she typed out her response.  
  
**Clarke (6:53 PM): I was wondering if you wanted to come over.**  
  
She didn't have to wait very long for the response, her phone buzzing just a moment after she'd sent the text.  
  
**Finn (6:54 PM): Sure! B right over**  
  
Now was the time she needed to make a decision. Taking a deep breath and trying to ignore the way her heart now pounded in her chest, she sent another text.  
  
**Clarke (6:56 PM): My parents aren't here. Shouldn't be back for a while.**  
  
**Clarke (6:57 PM): Do you have any condoms by any chance?**  
  
With the implication out there, she sat back in her chair, eyes closing. If he gave the kind of response she expected he would, she would certainly have something to distract her very, very soon. Her phone buzzed again, and she waited just a few seconds before opening her eyes to see what he'd said.  
  
**Finn (7:00 PM): Wait r u... r u serious?**  
  
**Finn (7:00 PM): Clarke, r u sure?**  
  
**Finn (7:01 PM): We dont have 2 do anything if ur not.**  
  
The reply made her smile softly, her heartbeat slowing down just a little with his assurance.  
  
**Clarke (7:02 PM): Yeah Finn, I'm sure. I want to.**  
  
**Finn (7:03 PM): Ok, b right over then!**  
  
With that Clarke put down her phone, and her heartbeat began to skyrocket again. The knowledge of what she'd just initiated and agreed to settled in her chest and nerves flooded her system. Getting up, she began going over a mental check list. Last showered? That morning: acceptable. Legs shaved? Not that morning but very recently, so probably also acceptable. Make up fresh? Looking in a mirror, she shook her head. Nope, not acceptable. Grabbing her makeup bag she got to work, doing her best to freshen everything up with hands that had begun to tremble just slightly.  
  
About fifteen minutes later Clarke heard her doorbell ring and she took a deep breath, trying to steady the nerves that were desperately trying to crawl out of her skin. She'd made her way downstairs a few minutes before, so quickly made her way to the door, and as she expected Finn stood on the other side; she took a little relief in the fact that he looked at least a little nervous too.  
  
“Hey,” she said, stepping aside and inviting him in. “Hey,” he replied, giving her a half smile. Running his fingers nervously through his hair, he looked away and then back, and that grin grew. “So. Are you still sure about... this? Cause seriously, we don't have to. You know, if you don't want.” Deciding to try to just throw her nerves to the wind, she reached forward and gently pushed him back, closing the door in the motion, and then kissed him. She made sure the kiss was deep and her hands went to his waist, fingers barely pushing beneath his shirt to skirt lightly across his skin. “Yeah,” she assured him, pulling back a little. “I'm sure.” His grin grew, his nerves clearly leaving, and then his arms wrapped around her. “Well alright then,” he stated before giving her another kiss. “Lead the way, Princess.”  
  
At his request she took his hand and led the way back up the stairs and into her room, the squirming in her gut growing with each step. Her palms felt sweaty and she hoped he didn't notice, and her mouth had gone a little dry by the time they reached her doorway, but she forced herself to try to swallow and ignore it. Once in her room with the door shut behind them her heart began beating furiously in her chest and she couldn't help but hope she'd made the right decision. One thing was for sure, she was definitely distracted.  
  
“It's okay, Clarke,” she heard murmured in her ear, and then she felt Finn's body press against her back and his arms slip around her waist. “We can go as slowly as you want.” Lips pressed against her neck and her skin tingled and she bit the inside of her cheek.  
  
Despite what he said, nothing felt particularly slow. One minute they were standing in the middle of her room and she felt his hands fall to the hem of her shirt, and the next they were lying naked together in her bed, their chests rising and falling from exertion. The memories were all there etched into Clarke's mind and written along her skin, but time itself seemed to have shifted. She couldn't have said how long any of it had lasted if she'd been asked, all she knew was that it had happened and now she was laying here with Finn's arm draped over her middle and his lips pressing over and over again on her shoulder, and it just felt... not like she'd expected. She'd expected to be excited or at least thoroughly content after her first time, but instead she just felt tired. What was worse, she was pretty sure the exhaustion wasn't directly correlated with the sex but rather life in general, and now what had meant to be her distraction had only added to the stress of it all. She didn't necessarily regret her choice, but she couldn't really say she was entirely happy with it either. Mostly she just felt stuck, weighed down, and Finn's arm over her wasn't really helping anything.  
  
“You were great,” he was whispering against her shoulder, and she turned and gave him a little smile. “You too,” she replied before she shifted over and kissed him lightly. “Thanks for coming over.”  
  
He let out a little chuckle. “Any time, Princess. I'd be happy to do this again literally any time.” She laughed like she knew she was supposed to, kissed him again, and wished the warm feeling in her chest would grow. She wished loving him could be enough to block out the rest of the world, but she'd just learned that wasn't the case.  
  
They laid around together for another few minutes before Finn got dressed and headed out, leaving Clarke with one last long kiss and the reminder he'd be happy to do this again very soon. After he left she laid there for a little longer, feeling the suffocating loneliness settle back inside her chest. Resigned to thinking there wasn't anything she could do about it, she got up and began grabbing at her clothes, pulling them back on as she found them.  
  
Standing back up after grabbing her shirt from the floor, she looked out her window and her eyes widened. Lexa's curtains were closed, something that almost never happened until her neighbor was getting ready for bed, and suddenly she just knew that somehow Lexa knew what had just happened. For some reason she couldn't name she felt her gut twist with a spike of guilt and she had to look away from the curtained window, wishing she'd thought ahead and remembered to do the same. A second later that guilt subsided to be replaced by the loneliness again, the feeling even deeper at the thought of the brunette next door.  
  
Unable to stand that loneliness for even a second longer, she did something she hadn't done in years. Opening the top drawer in her desk, she pulled out an old walkie-talkie, one she'd been given on her fifth birthday, and held it up to her mouth. It felt strange in her hand, small and ignored for so long, but when her finger pressed over the call button it also felt strangely right.  
  
“Lexa? You there?” she spoke into the device, hoping desperately that its twin still lived in the other girl's room and that her message would get across. She easily remembered taking out the two walkie-talkies from their packaging and immediately handing the second to her best friend. After that, every night they talked together with the devices, using them to tell each other goodnight and reminding the other they were never further away than right next door. Lexa hadn't felt that close for so long despite the actual distance never changing, and suddenly all Clarke needed was to talk to her old friend, no matter how weird it would be. When more than a minute had gone by and there was still no answer, she added, “Lexa, please? Answer me?” She didn't know what she would do if she didn't, if the other walkie-talkie no longer existed or didn't work or was simply being ignored, but she knew she couldn't sit in this room alone for even another minute.  
  
Her heart nearly stopped when she heard a little static come through on her walkie-talkie, genuinely surprised when she heard Lexa's voice coming out of it.  
  
_What's up Clarke?_  
  
Before she lost whatever had compelled her to make the call, she asked, “Will you meet me? In the tree house?” Another nearly forgotten treasure from her past, the two of them had spent what probably added up to hundreds of hours in the tree house in her backyard when they were young, and it seemed like the perfect place to meet up again.  
  
_Sure,_ she heard after a short pause, and Clarke briefly wondered if her relief was obvious in her tone as she immediately replied, “Thanks.”  
  
Placing the walkie-talkie back in its spot in her desk, she didn't hesitate. Without another thought, she left her room and made her way through her house, not stopping until she'd reached the backyard. There she paused for just a second, taking a moment to stare up at the tree house she'd ignored for so long, and then headed over to the rope ladder hanging down along the tree's trunk. Easily she hauled herself up, pulling herself through the opening in the floor and crawled into the center of the little room. As she did she looked around, finding a few long forgotten toys strewn along the floor, and could so easily remember being up here with Lexa, playing game after game and loving every minute of it. The memories made her heart twinge, longing and guilt stringing together to tug at it.  
  
Shifting over a little more she settled in place, glancing around again before she looked up. Her father had planned on adding a roof to the tree house when he first built it, but the first night she'd climbed up here she'd insisted against it, sitting there for hours just staring up at the night sky. Instead he'd covering the top of the little house in mosquito netting, so just like so many other nights she looked up, watching as the sky began to fade to violet, the first few stars already shining against the purple backdrop. Her fingers itched to go back inside and get some paper and paint, to capture the beauty above her forever, but she remained where she was and let herself try to get lost in the beauty instead.  
  
While she waited for Lexa to join her, her mind began to wander, and unsurprisingly it wandered back to what she'd just done. Even now, up here and thinking back she still felt oddly empty. Sex was supposed to be amazing, it was supposed to be one of the best moments of her life, so why instead did she just feel tired? Her friends all practically gushed about their own sex lives, and Finn had obviously been happy when he left, so why wasn't she?  
  
Noise beneath her broke her out of her silent musings, and a moment later she heard someone hauling themselves into the room and then closing the door and latching it behind them. She didn't look back, positive she knew who it was, and just continued to stare above her.  
  
“Huh. This place hasn't changed much,” Lexa said as she moved over towards the blonde. Clarke felt her begin to settle beside her but looked around instead of looking at her, feeling just as awkward as she thought she would. “No, it's pretty much the same. It's kind of weird, actually. I haven't been up here in years.”  
  
“Me neither,” Lexa stated, and though it was meant to be a joke, Clarke looked away quickly. It was entirely her fault neither of them had been up here in so long, her fault this felt awkward to begin with, and the guilt began to gnaw away at her gut. She let the guilt win for a minute, wondering if she'd made the right choice getting out that walkie-talkie, but the thought of that loneliness consuming her was enough to shake the guilt away, if even just a little. With or without talking, she already felt less alone, less empty just with Lexa beside her.  
  
The silence drew out, neither of them saying anything else for a few moments, and as it did Clarke heard the other girl shifting beside her, probably getting comfortable. The blonde peaked to the side, glancing at her through her eyelashes, and read the careful mask Lexa hid behind. As someone with her own mask, Clarke hated it. Looking back up at the stars, she wished she could easily remove both their masks, but knew neither would let go of them very easily.  
  
“You know, don't you?” she suddenly asked, and noticed Lexa look at her from the corner of her eyes. “I don't-” she began to say, but the blonde cut her off. “I saw your window, Lexa. I know you saw us. Or did you close your curtains for another reason?” The brunette had nothing to say to that, her silence confirming Clarke's suspicions. For a few seconds they sat in awkward silence, and then the blonde found herself asking, “Have you ever... you know. Had sex?” The question came out quietly, the words crossing between them, and even though she wasn't entirely sure where they'd come from she couldn't help but be curious.  
  
For a moment Lexa didn't say anything and she thought maybe she'd crossed a line, but then she answered slowly, “Yeah. I have.”  
  
“Costia?” Clarke wanted to know, looking back over to her, and the brunette nodded. “Just with Costia?” Again, a nod. “Cool. And did you... Do you like it?” She knew the question was odd; it sounded odd to her even as she asked it, so she wasn't surprised when Lexa frowned. She could practically feel the other girl watching her more closely, but she didn't balk away, even as she mentally checked to make sure her mask was still in place. Something told her Lexa could see right through it, or at least knew it was there, but the brunette didn't say anything about it.  
  
“Yeah,” the other girl answered, nodding again. “I like it. We have fun.” The answer made Clarke's brow furrow, just barely, and then she turned to stare back up at the sky.  
  
“I thought I would like it too,” she murmured, the words so quiet she was pretty sure Lexa had to lean a little closer to actually hear them. “Raven and Octavia are always talking about how great it is, and Bellamy talks about it like it's the greatest thing on earth. I just thought it would be... different. Or happen differently. I don't know.” She sat there perplexed, confused by her own words and thoughts and feelings, all the things tumbling around inside her she couldn't quite control. This thing, this supposedly life-changing thing was supposed to have made her happy, so she just didn't understand why it didn't. What had gone so wrong?  
  
Busy wondering about herself, Clarke hadn't noticed that Lexa had gone silent or the look on her face. She hadn't thought anything of her words other than that they were confusing, but apparently Lexa read more into them. The blonde could feel her hesitation before she began slowly, “Clarke did he... What happened was it...” She frowned for the briefest second, not sure what she was trying to say, before it clicked. Realizing what Lexa thought had happened, she quickly looked back at the brunette, shaking her head.  
  
“No, I wanted it,” she assured her. “It was consensual, it's just... I don't know. I guess I expected it to be different. Thought I'd feel different after.” She shrugged, wishing she knew how to make sense of what she was feeling and frowned when she couldn't.  
  
“Sex can be fun, but it isn't the life-changing event people make it out to be,” Lexa told her, and Clarke could feel her relax slightly next to her. The next moment she nearly frowned, pausing before she added, “Though I guess... Um, were you prepared? And, um, safe?”  
  
The questions managed to tug at Clarke's lips, drawing them into a little smile even as she rolled her eyes.  
  
“Yes Mom, we were safe,” she teased, tone suddenly lighter as she joked. “We used a condom and everything.” Her words made the other girl smile and something whirling inside the blonde settled for a moment at the look. How exactly had she lived the last few years without seeing that smile daily?  
  
“Good,” Lexa said, her lips pulling up further. “That is more prepared than Costia and I were our first time, though since neither of us had ever had sex before that kind of protection wasn't exactly as important.” Clarke let out a breath that was almost a laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah, no, I guess you guys don't exactly need to worry about unwanted pregnancies. Lucky.”  
  
“There are pros to being a lesbian,” Lexa agreed, faking seriousness as she tried to fight back a grin. “That is only one of the many.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” Clarke said, lifting an eyebrow, lips still curled up, “What are the other ones?” She watched as Lexa's nose scrunched up, neither of them quite aware just how comfortable they were with the other, and answered immediately, “I don't have to deal with boys. They're gross.” The answer made the blonde laugh, her entire body shaking with the force of it, and beside her Lexa's smile softened.  
  
“You're absolutely right,” she agreed, nodding fervently. “Boys are gross. Girls are pretty and boys are gross!” She almost finished the little sing-song anthem they'd created when they were six, the _and we'll always be together_ nearly rolling off her tongue, but she managed to hold it back. Even so she knew the mood had lifted at some point, her chest feeling lighter than it had in a while, and she let herself just enjoy the moment.  
  
“You don't need to tell me,” Lexa joked, leaning forward a little and bumping into Clarke's shoulder. The movement made the blonde realize at some point she'd started to lean lightly against the other girl, and for a second she considered moving over, giving them both their space, but then remained where she was. The contact, however little, made her feel safe. “I have a girlfriend. You're the one dating a boy.”  
  
“I am,” Clarke agreed, the words coming out in more of a sigh than they were supposed to. She caught Lexa giving her a look and quickly clarified, “Don't get me wrong, I really like Finn. He's sweet and kind and good-looking, but sometimes I just get... tired.” It felt almost like she was treading on thin ice, like one small step and she'd go plunging into something she'd rather avoid, but when Lexa's eyebrow rose, silently encouraging her to go on, she sighed again. “Everyone at school seems to think I should be dating Bellamy,” she explained, wanting to roll her eyes. “Something about how we'd look good together. That whole head cheerleader and quarterback thing.”  
  
“So they want your life to be a trashy rom-com,” Lexa stated, and Clarke flashed her a grin. “Yes, that exactly, because apparently that's how life works. But I'm not with Bellamy. I don't _want_ to be with Bellamy. Just the thought makes my skin crawl a little. But Finn hears all these people go on about how I should be dating him because he's a football player and Finn isn't, and how cute we'd be and all this really _stupid_ stuff and he gets angry and insecure. Which I get, I do, but still-”  
  
“He should know you,” Lexa cut in, breaking off the blonde's rambling, for which she was grateful. She seldom talked about this particular annoyance in her life, and now that she'd begun to open up about it she had a feeling she would have just kept going until Lexa stopped her or left. She was glad she hadn't left. “You aren't the kind of person who stays with someone you don't want to be with or who would cheat on someone. He should know that.”  
  
Clarke's heart fluttered in her chest, tears wanting to build in her eyes, but she held them back. She'd been telling Finn for months how everyone else was wrong and she was already dating the person she wanted to be with, and here Lexa was already knowing that without her needing to say anything at all. Whether Finn knew her or not, it was clear Lexa did, and that knowledge made everything settle inside her. “God I've missed you,” she breathed, the words heavy and quiet, and she watched as something flashed briefly across the brunette's face.  
  
“I've been right next door,” she just said, probably trying to joke but Clarke could hear the little bite in her tone. She winced, eyes flashing away, and once again the guilt tugged at her. She didn't bother trying to push it away because this she deserved at least ten times over. Lexa apparently immediately felt guilty too, as the next moment she murmured softly, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.” Out of the corner of her vision Clarke saw her look away as she added, “You are allowed to make other friends. It's probably good you did. Octavia and Raven seem... nice.”  
  
Clarke didn't say anything to that, wasn't sure really what she could say to that, so for a long moment they were both quiet. When she did speak again, the cheerleader's voice was still soft. “Do you remember how we'd come up here to watch the stars? We'd look for shooting stars and make wishes on them? Whoever found the most won.” She hoped she did; searching for shooting stars with Lexa's pinky wrapped around her own had been the single happiest moment from her childhood.  
  
“You always cheated,” Lexa replied, the corners of her mouth pulling up again. Suddenly Clarke's chest felt light again, even as her head whipped up, shocked. “I did not!”  
  
“Yes you did!” the brunette insisted. “You always claimed satellites and airplanes were shooting stars and counted them anyway when I said they weren't.”  
  
“Nu uh, I did not,” Clarke told her, trying to hold back a grin as she shook her head. “You must be remembering it wrong.”  
  
“You did.” Lexa raised one hand, starting to tick items off as she went down a mental list, and Clarke watched her. “You counted airplanes and satellites, you always peeked when we played hide 'n seek, and you always made me be the patient when we played doctor. Said you needed the practice so you could be like your mom when you got bigger.”  
  
Even though Lexa grinned as she ticked the items away, the last addition caused Clarke's to drop. Something heavy seemed to drop to her gut, weighing her down after finally being free of it for a few blissful moments. She caught the other girl's expression shifting, now frowning at the sudden change, and tried to force a grin. “I guess I should have let you be the doctor more.”  
  
Lexa shifted, turning more fully towards her, and then asked, “What do you mean? You don't want to be a doctor anymore?” Clarke shrugged, silent, and her eyebrows rose. “Wow. You've always wanted to be a doctor.” The blonde didn't say anything to that so she prodded a little more. “What made you change your mind?”  
  
“A couple of things I guess,” Clarke replied, shrugging again. She hadn't actually talked about this yet with anyone, and wasn't entirely sure she was ready to start now. Becoming a doctor had been part of her identity for so long, she wasn't entirely sure how to step away from it. Lexa didn't seem ready to let the conversation drop however, and asked, “Do you know what you want to do instead?”  
  
That question managed to get more of a response, Clarke's lips tugging up a little. “I think so,” she admitted with a nod. She looked over, meeting Lexa's eyes and found green watching her intently. It was that look, Lexa's eyes, that made her continue. “I kind of want to be an artist. Which is probably a terrible idea-”  
  
“That isn't a terrible idea, Clarke,” Lexa interrupted. “I'm sure you would make an excellent artist.” The blonde flashed her a quick smile before saying, “Maybe. I've gotten into it more and more the past couple of years and I just really love it. It makes me feel kind of free, I guess. It feels good to make something beautiful, you know?” The other girl let out a little laugh, telling her, “I have no artistic talent, so not really, but I'm glad you have found something you love. As long as you're happy I don't think it really matters what you're doing.”  
  
“We'll see if my mom agrees with that,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. Her mother's reaction she expected to get when she shared this news was the main cause she'd kept it a secret from even Raven and Octavia. “I think she wanted me to be a doctor before I even did.”  
  
“Abby just wants you to be happy,” Lexa insisted, shrugging the shoulder she wasn't leaning against. Again Clarke wondered if she should move, if there should be more space between them, but being so close to the brunette again felt too nice to change quite yet. “As long as you're doing what you want she won't care whether you work in a hospital or a studio.”  
  
Fear suddenly gripped at her insides, an automatic response now whenever anyone mentioned that word, and the real reason she could no longer ever be a doctor tore at her. Lips pressing together, she had to swallow to fight back that fear and prevent it from growing.  
  
“No more hospitals,” she said, her voice heavy, as though that fear weighed it down. “That might be my mom's world but I don't want it to be mine. I've had enough of them.”  
  
Even in the dark she watched as realization flashed across Lexa's face, and all at once the mood once again shifted.  
  
“How's your dad doing?” she asked softly, reaching out and lightly touching Clarke's arm. She had to swallow again, forcing the emotion down, before she answered. “Okay, I think.” Her lips twitched and then turned up just enough to be noticeable. “He's still smiling. It hasn't stopped him. Always smiling and joking. I don't know how he does it.”  
  
“He's strong,” she heard Lexa murmur, and she felt the girl's thumb brushing lightly against her arm. “He's always been strong. He will get through this.”  
  
Clarke started to nod, the response automatic. For weeks now people had been saying the same thing, she'd been saying the same thing, the words repeated over and over as though the more they were said the truer they would be, but now all of a sudden she couldn't take them. The walls she'd built up to try to protect herself from all this buckled beneath them, and within a second her head began shaking back and forth. The fear she'd worked so hard to push down roared to life inside her and caused her chest to cave in, and without thinking about it she turned suddenly, pressing her head into the crook of Lexa's shoulder. Aside from her parents' arms, it was the place she'd always felt the safest, and right now she needed that safety as terror took her over. She gripped Lexa's shirt without thinking about it, her fingernails digging into her palms even through the material, and without a word the brunette's arms encircled her, holding her tightly. She could feel herself begin shaking, unable to control the response to her fear, and Lexa's grip just got tighter.  
  
“I'm so scared,” she whispered, speaking the words out loud for the first time. The truth of them had been tearing her insides up for so long she almost couldn't get them out. “I'm so scared Lexa. I don't, don't know what to do. I'm trying but I just... I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him.” She felt Lexa shift against her, and then fingers were running soothingly through her hair as the other girl's cheek pressed against the side of her head.  
  
“You're alright, Clarke,” Lexa murmured softly, turning her head so she could whisper the words in the other girl's ear. “I've got you. You will get through this. I know you will.”  
  
Lexa held her even tighter as she asked, “How? I can barely breathe I'm so scared, how do I get through this?”  
  
“Help your dad keep fighting,” she answered without needing to think, and Clarke clung to her words almost as fiercely as she held onto her shirt. “Make sure he knows he isn't fighting alone. Don't let him stop smiling and don't stop either. Let your friends help you.” She paused for a second and Clarke thought she was done, before she heard her add quietly, “Let me help you.”  
  
Only months of keeping herself from crying made it possible for her to hold her tears back. As scared as she was, her heart broke even more at the tone of Lexa's voice with her final addition.  
  
“You are my friend Lexa,” she replied so softly the words would have been missed if the other girl were any further away. “I know we, I know it might not seem like it, but you are. You've always been my friend. That never changed.” _I'm sorry I made you think it did,_ she almost added, but if she did she definitely would have started crying, so she kept the apology locked away.  
  
“You've always been my friend too, Clarke,” she heard Lexa murmur, and she nodded against her but otherwise didn't move. She couldn't quite let go yet, couldn't stand releasing Lexa after going so long without holding her, and decided to give herself this moment to pretend everything had always been fine between them. It wasn't fair maybe, especially since she had been the one to walk away, but at the moment she decided to let herself be selfish. She held on to Lexa and Lexa held on to her, and she used the brunette's arms around her and the feeling of her hair brushing against her cheek to tamper down everything inside her.  
  
They stayed that way for a while, Clarke taking the support Lexa freely gave and using it to ground herself again, until the blonde finally pulled back. Glancing up, she met warm green eyes already watching her, the only eyes she didn't feel like she needed to hide from.  
  
“Do you want to look for shooting stars?” she asked, her voice sounding small even to her, not ready to leave this moment with Lexa quite yet. She watched as the other girl smiled slowly and nodded, and then that smile grew as the blonde beamed.  
  
“I even have a blanket,” Lexa replied, gesturing to a blanket on the floor beside her, something Clarke hadn't really noticed until that moment. The old tradition made the blonde laugh, shaking her head as she said, “Just like old times.”  
  
Lexa nodded. “Yes,” she agreed, grabbing the blanket beside her and shaking it out. “Sixteen and you still don't remember to bring anything up here to keep you warm.” She gave Clarke's outfit a look, clearly unimpressed with her choice of tree house attire.  
  
“I brought you up here didn't I?” Clarke countered, grabbing the corner of the blanket Lexa handed her. “You always make sure I don't get cold.” Together they shook out the blanket and then spread it out over them before leaning back. Lying on the floor now, Clarke stared up at the stars, a little smile tugging at her lips. Despite the emotional roller coaster her night had been, everything about this exact moment left her feeling entirely content.  
  
“How are you feeling?” she heard Lexa ask her softly, all traces of joking aside. Clarke thought about this question for a second and then shrugged. “A little sore. Emotionally drained.” Her lips quirked up then before she glanced over, meeting Lexa's eyes. “Better now. Thanks.”  
  
“Any time,” Lexa swore and Clarke's smile softened. Her heart fluttered, the sincerity in the other girl's words easily spreading over her, and for a second she could almost forget any time had even gone by. For a moment they were seven again, lying up in her tree house watching the stars, pinkies linked, knowing they would be together forever. She let the thought wash over her, entirely at ease as the peace of the night surrounded them.  
  
Suddenly that peace broke a little as she began to chuckle.  
  
“Hey Lex? You're right; I totally counted satellites and airplanes.”


	3. Chapter 3

Jasper grabbed one of the peas from his tray and set it on the table, closing one eye as he tried to line it up with the goal post Monty held up, the tips of his thumbs touching and pointer fingers up. As soon as he had it positioned just as he wanted it, he gave it a hard flick and the pea soared across the table, easily flying through his best friend's fingers.  
  
“Yes!” he exclaimed, pumping a fist up in the air. “Goal!” Turning, he gave Bellamy a cheeky grin. “See, it isn't that hard. I should totally be on the team; you'd never lose a game.” The older boy gave him a half-grin, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
“Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do when a two-hundred pound monster is charging after you, his only goal to crush you like a bug?” he wanted to know, and Jasper shrugged. “Run like hell, probably.”  
  
“Don't you worry Jasper, I wouldn't let them get ya,” Octavia told him, shooting him a wink. “You'd be safe with me.” The boy with the goggles grinned, giving Bellamy a look as the older boy just rolled his eyes. “See, Octavia totally thinks I should be on the team!”  
  
“Okay, enough football talk,” Raven declared, cutting in before any of them could say anything else. Smirking over at Clarke, the blonde sitting across the table between Finn and Monty, she continued, “I think it's time to start planning Clarke's birthday party. It'll be at my place, obviously, so everyone get ready to have a good time!”  
  
As everyone around the table started cheering, the birthday girl in question shook her head. “Sorry guys, but I'm spending my birthday with my parents this year. We're just gonna go out to eat or something; no big party.”  
  
Octavia butted in before Raven could, saying, “Yeah Clarke, we know you're spending your actual birthday with them, but the night before we're throwing you a party. Deal with it.”  
  
“Monty and me got the booze,” Jasper added, leaning forward and giving the other boy a quick high five. “We'll make sure to get your favorites, Clarke.”  
  
“I'm taking care of the music,” Octavia said before giving her brother a look. “Bell wanted to do it but I told him this is supposed to be a party, not a concert where all we hear is Beethoven's _Moonlight Sonata_ on repeat.” Nearly everyone at the table chuckled, the quarterback's taste in music a common joke among them. He simply lifted his head and gave them a look. “It's not my fault you people can't appreciate the work of a genius.”  
  
“We appreciate it, but that doesn't mean we want to listen to it all the time,” Harper informed him, grinning along with everyone else.  
  
“It's a beautiful piece of composition, but I don't get why you always listen to it right before a game,” Lincoln put in, the corners of his mouth tugging up. Ever since his and Octavia's date the previous week he'd been joining them for lunch, and despite her worry he wouldn't fit in with her friends he'd fallen in rather seamlessly with the group. Looking at the way Octavia sat practically in his lap, Clarke couldn't help but be happy for her friend and what was very likely to be her new relationship.  
  
“It gets me pumped,” Bellamy replied with a shrug. “I always play better after listening to it.”  
  
Raven nodded, looking at him and then at the group around the table. “Right, and that's why Bellamy isn't in charge of the music,” she stated. She looked from him to Finn and added, “You can help Finn get the snacks.” The quarterback grinned. “Now snacks I can do. Yeah Finn?” The other boy grinned and high-fived him. “Oh yeah, we got this.”  
  
Clarke shook her head, trying to hold back her grin but not being entirely successful. Octavia saw it and quirked an eyebrow at her. “Come on Clarke, you're getting a party, just accept it and start trying to decide what you're gonna wear.” Finn leaned over closer to her, murmuring in her ear with a smirk, “If you want, feel free to imagine me taking it off you too. You know, if it helps you make a decision.” She nearly blushed as those closest to them guffawed, many shooting smirks at each other. By now the loss of her virginity was a well known fact among them all, and all she could do was roll her eyes as they grinned.  
  
“And I will of course be planning out games,” Raven added, breaking through the smirks and chuckles. “So if you have any requests let me hear 'em now.” Jasper, Bellamy, Octavia and Finn all started speaking at once and she held up a hand, cutting them off. “I take it back: give them to me later.” Looking back at Clarke, she grinned again. “But anyway, you're having a party Clarke, so just be happy.” The blonde shook her head, and then gave in. “Alright, fine, a party it is. Let's just not get too wild, okay?” Raven scoffed, and she raised an eyebrow. “I mean it Raven, no fireworks, no explosions, nothing that might involve the police.”  
  
The pyromaniac leaned back in her chair, balancing it on just its hind legs. “I can't make you those promises, Clarke, or I'll be seriously limiting my game pool.” Bellamy gave her a look and said, “No, I'm with Clarke on this one: no making things go boom Raven.” The brunette stuck her chin out and crossed her arms, looking at them both stubbornly as they both returned the look, and then she sighed.  
  
“Okay, fine, Mom and Dad have spoken, no explosions,” she stated and then muttered, “But you're always spoiling my fun.” Bellamy grinned and gave her a wink, telling her, “That's what we're here for.” Clarke glanced over at Finn out of the side of her eyes, wondering how he would react to the categorization of her and Bellamy, but he just grinned along with everyone else as Raven sulked.  
  
“Miss Reyes, I think that chair has four legs for a reason,” they heard, and all looked up to see Kane walking by. He wore an easy smile even as he gave her a look, and she sighed and let the chair fall forward again. Glancing around the table, the teacher stopped at Octavia and Lincoln and his smile grew a little. “And how about we add a little bit of space between Miss Blake and Mr. Forest?” Octavia sighed and peeled herself away from Lincoln until all they were doing was holding hands, and Kane nodded. “Thank you. Everyone enjoy your lunch.”  
  
Bellamy grinned as the teacher walked away. “I knew I always liked him,” he mused and his sister rolled her eyes. “Please, you're just glad there's someone who can nerd out about _The Iliad_ as hard as you.” Jasper snickered, earning a light shove from the quarterback, while Finn and Raven both grinned, Clarke grinning along with them.  
  
“Hey guys, what're we talking about?” they heard, and Clarke looked up to see Monroe approaching the table. They all greeted her as she took the open spot between Harper and Lincoln, leaning over as she did so to press a quick kiss to Harper's cheek. “Sorry I'm late, babe.”  
  
“Miss Monroe, Miss McIntyre, please,” Kane called over from where he now stood, giving the table another look, and Monroe shouted, “Sorry Mr. Kane, won't happen again!” As the teacher turned away, she leaned closer to her girlfriend and added quietly, “Until later, when it'll happen over and over.” Harper grinned, saying, “And oh so much more.”  
  
As everyone began to fill Monroe in on the party plans for next week, Clarke looked past their new addition in the direction she had come from to find green eyes watching her. She flashed Lexa a smile and nodded, her stomach dropping a little when the other girl returned both. They'd had more moments like this since the tree house, meeting each other's eyes across the cafeteria, sharing more messages at their windows, and she couldn't help but look forward to every single one. She'd always known she missed Lexa but now she realized she'd missed her more than she ever thought, and these little moments made her believe that maybe soon she could have her first friend back again. All of her friends were great and she loved them, but there wasn't anyone who knew her quite like the brunette did.  
  
The conversation around the table continued, sometimes multiple conversations taking place over one another, and Clarke watched on, amused by her friends' antics. Raven started throwing ideas out to Bellamy, trying to determine if all explosions were out for the party or only big ones. Since he shut down every idea she had, Clarke let him handle that. Monty and Jasper began making a list of what kind of alcohol and mixers to get and debating whether there was enough time for Monty to make his famous moonshine. Octavia and Lincoln slowly inched closer to each other as did Monroe and Harper, and Clarke could even feel Finn shifting closer to her. Despite a few looks from Kane, nobody tried to stop anything, so the cheerleader decided to just sit and be happy, only contributing to the conversations when needed.  
  
Just as the bell rang signifying the end of the lunch period and everyone was standing up to take care of their trash, they heard the secretary's voice come on over the intercom.  
  
“Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake and Raven Reyes, please report to the principal's office,” they all heard, and immediately everyone else around their table _ooo_ -ed.  
  
“Alright Reyes, what did you do now?” Bellamy wanted to know, giving her a look. “What blew up this time?”  
  
“I haven't blown anything up in days!” Raven exclaimed. Jasper smirked at that, looking over at Octavia and asked, “Then who'd you get in a fight with, and how come you haven't bragged about it?”  
  
“Last person I punched was Dax and you all know about that,” she swore. Lincoln raised his eyebrows. “I don't know about that.” Monroe leaned over to him, patting him on the shoulder and told him, “Dude, you don't realize it yet, but you're dating a wannabe-Muhammad Ali.”  
  
Everyone's eyes shifted to Clarke, and the blonde shrugged.  
  
“Don't look at me, I have no idea what's going on,” she said, and then pointed to Raven and Octavia. “But it was definitely one of them.” At almost the same time the two girls tilted their heads back, giving her indignant looks.  
  
“I resent that,” Raven declared, and Octavia nodded. “Me too.”  
  
“It was absolutely one of you,” Monty spoke up, grinning at them, and Clarke gave him a wink as she grabbed her bag. “Thank you Monty.” He nodded to her, returning her wink, and everyone other than Raven and Octavia chuckled. Looking over at her two best friends, the blonde shrugged. “Alright, well let's go see what happened and try to talk our way out of it.” Leaving the table, the two brunettes fell in step on either side of her, and Raven's arm slung over her shoulder.  
  
“'Try?'” she repeated, shaking her head. “Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, haven't you ever seen _Star Wars_? You have to listen to Master Yoda. 'Do, or do not. There is no try.'”  
  
Octavia's arm slung over her opposite shoulder and she glanced over at the grinning football player. “Yeah Clarke, you can talk your way out of anything. Plus Wallace already loves you. I have full confidence you can get us out of whatever this is.” Both girls nodded, grinning, and Clarke rolled her eyes. “Your confidence in me is real moving,” she muttered.  
  
It only took a few minutes to get to the principal's office, and when they did they were ushered right through. Aden stood in front of the secretary's desk, asking her about something, and when he saw the blonde he gave her a smile. She returned it, giving him a nod as they passed, but then the blonde frowned, something about the way the secretary was looking at her feeling off, but didn't think anything of it as the three filed into the office. Principal Wallace sat behind his desk, his usual calm smile missing.  
  
“Please sit, all of you,” he told them, gesturing to the chairs in front of the desk, and the three did as they were told. Once they were sitting he looked over them, his gaze settling on Clarke, and something in the way his lips pulled down caused her to frown. She didn't know why but suddenly she had a bad feeling in her gut and had to swallow, trying to push it down.  
  
“There is no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it, but I don't want you to worry Miss Griffin; everything's being handled,” he began, and her stomach dropped, fear beginning to crawl up her spine and trickle down her limbs. She couldn't look anywhere but his eyes, holding them as he told her, “Your father is in the hospital. From what I've been told he fell and hit his head and your mother found him unconscious. He was still unconscious when the ambulance arrived, but I don't know anything more than that.”  
  
Her stomach dropped and kept dropping. She felt like she was free falling, as though she'd just jumped out of a plane and the ground only kept getting further away. She couldn't breathe, didn't even know how to draw air into her lungs anymore and just sat with her mouth hanging slightly open. Halfway through his words had started to blur together until all she could hear was a low, inconsistent humming as though she'd somehow landed in the middle of a beehive. Beneath the humming she could hear something, some non-intelligible words being strung together but she couldn't make them out. The words came from various voices, that much she knew, but she couldn't for the life of her begin to realize what they were saying. All she could focus on was the fear seeping out of her pours and surrounding her, cocooning her until it held her so tightly she could barely shake. Someone touched her shoulder and then she was being led out of the office and into the hallway, the voices continuing, but all she could do was try to keep herself from being physically sick from her fear. It roiled and stormed inside her, knocking down every defense she'd tried to build against it, until she was nothing but its prisoner. At least two people were still beside her but she'd never felt more alone in her life as she lost the fight against her terror.  
  
Something managed to break through the buzzing, but for a second she couldn't figure out what. The steady rhythm of the sharp sounds tugged at her until her vision began to focus, and then she saw the one person apparently able to break through her fog.  
  
“Lexa!” she cried, leaping forward, and then she crashed against the brunette's chest, the movement jarring her just enough to throw her senses back into place. Where a second ago nothing around her had been real now everything came into focus with such a sharp accuracy it hurt her to look at, and she had to bury her head against the other girl's shoulder. She threw her arms around the other girl, grasping desperately against her shirt, needing to feel Lexa in order to stay tethered to her sanity. Lexa seemed to instinctively understand this, as no more than a second later her arms wound around Clarke, holding her tightly against her. It wasn't until she was in the brunette's arms she realized just how hard she was shaking.  
  
“I'm here,” she heard Lexa whisper quickly, pressing herself even closer. “It's okay.” Clarke's eyes clenched tight, wanting to tell her no, no it isn't okay, it may never be okay again, but she couldn't get the words out. She felt Lexa shift slightly, and then heard her snap, “What happened?”  
  
“Uh, h-her dad, he fell,” she heard Octavia answer, and then Wallace clarified, “Clarke's father fell and hit his head. He has been rushed to the hospital. From what we understand he was unconscious when the ambulance got there.”  
  
Hearing it all again, Clarke's mouth dropped open, desperately trying to breathe even as she gave a strangled sob. Her arms squeezed around Lexa, not knowing what else to do but hold on to the other girl, and fell into it as she held her protectively. “What are we waiting for?” Lexa bit out, and any other time Clarke would easily be able to imagine the glare she must be throwing at them.  
  
“Miss Reyes has already left to get her car to take her to the hospital to meet her mother,” she heard Wallace say, and in the back of her mind she wondered when that had happened. “Miss Blake will be going with them.”  
  
“So will I,” Lexa stated, and despite the fact she still could barely breathe something inside of Clarke settled just a little at the idea of Lexa being with her. “Aden, go to class,” she heard, and she wondered when he'd become a part of this. “Have Anya and Lincoln give you a ride home. I'll text you later.” A few seconds later Clarke heard footsteps getting softer as the boy walked away, apparently following his sister's orders.  
  
Lexa began to pull back a little, and for just a second Clarke's panic spiked again, the breathing she still wasn't entirely sure she was doing becoming rapid. That panic settled again when she heard, “Hey.” Lexa's voice was soft, so soft, maybe softer than she'd ever heard it before, and she had to listen to it. “Come on Clarke, look at my eyes.” She did as she was told, looking up until she found green, those eyes already scanning her own. “We don't know anything yet. He's probably fine, there's no reason to panic. We're going to go to the hospital and find your mom, and then we'll find Jake. Okay?” The ball of fear stuck in her throat doubled in size at the word “hospital” and she gripped Lexa's shirt tighter, and her heart squeezed painfully at her father's name, but she forced herself to nod.  
  
“Don't leave me,” she heard herself whispering, not sure when she'd decided to make the plea, but glad that she did as Lexa leaned forward, roughly pressing her forehead against Clarke's. “I'm right here,” she promised, and the blonde's heart latched onto it. “I'm right here.”  
  
Finally Raven barged through the door shoving it open and Clarke let Lexa guide her out of the school and into the back of Raven's car. She had to let go of the brunette inside, but the moment they were both in her hand immediately slipped into Lexa's and she pushed herself so close to the other girl she nearly sat on her lap. Lexa didn't complain, didn't say anything against it, only continued to whisper words of reassurance and encouragement to her as they sped towards the hospital, and Clarke made herself listen, made herself try to believe them.  
  
They pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and Clarke felt her heart stop, her trembling growing. Getting out of the car, she pulled away from Lexa a little, making sure her hand never slipped away from the brunette's, and let her eyes dart over the large building. The other girl must have recognized the spike in her terror, as she shifted closer until they were shoulder to shoulder, and Clarke leaned against her. Lexa gave her a moment and then tugged lightly on her hand.  
  
“Come on Clarke,” she murmured, nodding towards the building, “Let's go find your mother.” The blonde swallowed thickly and nodded, and then Octavia and Raven led the way into the hospital, she and Lexa bringing up the rear. With every step Clarke's fear grew, terrified about what she might find inside.  
  
Almost instantly upon stepping inside, she found her mother. The doctor was busy pacing back and forth, and Clarke identified it immediately as her coping mechanism for the most stressful situations. Her heart clenched so tightly it physically hurt and she had to stop, terrified of what her mother might say. Abby looked up at their footsteps and then relief washed across her face.  
  
“Clarke,” she let out in heavy breath, quickly striding over to them. The blonde released Lexa's hand for the first time since she wrapped herself around the brunette and then simply transferred herself to her mother, the older woman grabbing her and clasping her arms around her. All at once she felt both more and less anxious, automatically feeling better with her mother's arms around her and afraid of what she might say. They held each other tightly for a long moment, the three brunettes just watching, until Abby pulled back just enough to look down at the blonde.  
  
“He's alright,” she started, and without anything else said, Clarke felt the wind knock out of her. Abby looked to her as well as the other three, continuing, “He got light-headed at home and fell down the stairs and was unconscious for a while, but he's had a CT scan and the doctors say other than a minor concussion and some nasty bruises he's fine. They think it was a reaction to some of the chemo meds and not eating enough, so they're going to be adjusting the meds and I will be putting him on a strict diet of when and how much to eat. They want to keep him overnight to monitor the concussion and make sure it isn't any worse than they think, but he should be able to come back home tomorrow.” Looking down at her daughter and clearly seeing the fear still lingering in her eyes, she cupped her cheek, gently brushing her thumb against it. “He's okay, Clarke. Really; he's okay.”  
  
Clarke let out a shuttering breath, almost unable to believe it, but nodded. “Can I see him?” she managed to ask, her voice still trembling with the fear that was only now beginning to taper away, and Abby nodded. “You can, but only for a little while, and just you.” She looked over to the other three apologetically, telling them, “He needs his rest, and too many people in the room could just cause him stress.”  
  
“Yeah, no worries Abby,” Raven replied, nodding quickly. “That's fine, we'll just wait out here.” Clarke noticed Octavia look over to her and give her a small smile as she said, “Go tell him we expect him to feel better soon.”  
  
“And that I'll turn those stairs into a ramp if I have to,” Raven added, “To keep him from falling down them again.” Abby smiled slightly at the joke, but Clarke barely acknowledged it, looking from her two best friends to Lexa. She saw the other girl smile, a little forced, and then she murmured, “Go ahead, Clarke.” The blonde studied her for a second, for some reason not wanting to go anywhere without her right now, needing her next to her still, but nodded. She let her mother lead her out of the waiting room and down the hall, not letting herself look back at the three friends left behind.  
  
As they walked further down the hall, her mother's arm slipped over her shoulder, holding her lightly against her. She didn't say anything, but Clarke could feel her trembling slightly and realized just how scared she still was too. Just hearing about what had happened had nearly caused her own body to stop functioning, she couldn't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for her mother to be there, to have likely heard the fall and then witness its effects. Stepping slightly to the side, she pressed herself closer to her mother, offering her as much support as she could, and felt the hand on her shoulder squeeze gently, a silent thank you.  
  
Finally they stopped outside a room, and Abby reached over and opened the door. Before it was even halfway open Clarke's heart was ramming into her chest, scared still despite being told her father was okay. Inside the room were three beds, curtains hanging between them to offer privacy, but since only one bed was currently occupied they were pushed back. Jake laid in the bed closest to the door, and as it opened he looked over, immediately catching blue eyes. His lips curled up in a tired grin, and his own bright eyes lit up just a little.  
  
“Hey kiddo,” he called out, his voice sounding just as tired as he looked. “You really didn't need to leave school for this. I'm fine.”  
  
Clarke felt the tears well up in her eyes before she could stop them. The stress of the day added with finally seeing him just pushed her emotions over the edge, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the tears even if she wanted to. Rather than try, she practically ran to his bed and threw her arms around his middle, pressing her face against his shoulder. She tried to be gentle, tried not to hurt him, but she knew she must have knocked against some bruise somewhere when he let out a sharp breath. Before she could hurriedly pull back and apologize, his arms were wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him.  
  
“Sh,” she felt him whisper against the top of her head, his mouth pressing a hard kiss to her hair. “It's okay Clarke; I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You're still gonna be stuck with me for a while.” She let out a wet laugh that felt and sounded more like a sob, and just held onto him, not wanting to ever let go. She heard footsteps behind her and then felt her mother's hand on her back, offering her own support as well as taking the comfort she also needed, and the three just stayed there for a long while, holding each other.  
  
When she finally did pull back, Clarke finally let herself get a good look at her father. Somehow in the fall he'd gotten a black eye, the majority of the right side of his face now one big purple bruise, fresh and honestly kind of impressive. She wasn't entirely sure how he'd managed it, but she figured Octavia would be able to appreciate it. A bandage covered his chin, probably the product of either a cut or a serious rug burn, but other than that his face looked fine. She could see another bruise just managing to peak out of the neckline of his hospital gown, and the way he laid looked like he was favoring his left side, the other side stiff and sore, but all together she figured it could be much worse. A single tube hooked into his wrist, but other than that he'd been left free to lie there without anything poking into him.  
  
“You're eating,” she stated suddenly, giving him a look that didn't allow for any argument. “Whenever Mom or me tell you, you're eating; I don't care if you're not hungry.”  
  
He let out a little chuckle, and over her shoulder her mother cracked a smile.  
  
“That's pretty much what your mother said,” he replied, leaning back a little in his bed. He winced slightly, bumping some bruise somewhere, and let out a sigh. “I guess I really can't argue with either of you anymore about it.”  
  
“Not at all,” Abby said, her voice dry. “You have now proven you can't be trusted to take care of yourself, so now you listen to us.” Clarke nodded once, in total agreement, and he shook his head, lips pulling up a little higher. “There's no one else I'd rather listen to,” he told them, taking their hands and giving them a little squeeze.  
  
After that they talked for a little bit, no one really saying much but just needing to be together. Before long though Jake's eyelids began to droop, his exhaustion pulling at him, and Abby and Clarke shifted themselves over to the chairs at the side of the room, giving him some space to let him sleep. They sat together for a little while, just watching him sleep, before the mother let out a sigh and then stood up.  
  
“I'm going to run home and pick up a few things,” she stated, glancing down at the blonde. “I should be back in a little more than an hour. Are you okay with staying here, or do you want to come with me?”  
  
“I'll stay,” Clarke answered, and then glanced at the clock hanging up on the far wall. “I should probably actually go find Raven and Octavia and Lexa and let them know what's going on.” Her mother nodded, her lips curling up into a smile.  
  
“It was really good of them to come with you,” she said, her arm falling back to the blonde's shoulder as she stood up too. “You're lucky to have such wonderful friends.” They peeked over at Jake for a second, making sure he was soundly sleeping, and then quietly made their way out of the room, pulling the door closed behind them. They didn't break apart as they began making their way down the hall, and Abby's head tilted slightly to the side as she thought about something. “It's nice to see you with Lexa again,” she added, her smile softening. “You two used to be thick as thieves. We've missed her around the house.”  
  
“I've missed her too,” Clarke replied quietly, unable to really say how true that was. Her mother pulled her a little closer and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Maybe you two can be close again.” She grinned then before she added, “Plus as much as I love Octavia and Raven and the rest of the gang, I have a feeling Lexa's the best one to keep you out of trouble.” Clarke rolled her eyes, the corners of her mouth twitching up. “Mom, please, _I'm_ the one always keeping _them_ out of trouble.” Abby let out a little laugh, nodding as they continued down the hall.  
  
Stepping out into the waiting room again, they quickly found the two troublemakers but Clarke frowned when she didn't see Lexa. Her frown wiped away as her two best friends looked up, saw them, and then came rushing over.  
  
“What's happening?” Raven asked, glancing quickly between the mother and daughter, at the same time Octavia asked, “Is he okay?”  
  
“Yeah, he's okay O,” Clarke replied, stepping away from her mom and immediately her two friends stepped up, one moving to each side. “He's sleeping now. He's got some bruises and is really tired, but other than that I think he's alright.” She could practically feel the relief wash over them, and saw them visibly relax.  
  
“Good,” Octavia said, leaning a little against the blonde. “He had us worried.”  
  
“Did you yell at him yet?” Raven demanded to know, one fist going to her hip as she looked from Clarke to her mother. “Cause if you haven't, I sure as hell will.” Abby smiled, reaching out and wrapping her arms around the girl, pulling her in for a hug. Clarke didn't miss the way the brunette nearly melted into it, her own terror and relief obvious in the way she pressed up against the mother. “I haven't yelled at him too much yet, no Raven,” Abby told her. “I want him to get his rest first. After though, you are more than welcome to join me in a little yelling.”  
  
“Poor Jake,” Octavia muttered beside Clarke, and the blonde couldn't help but grin, nodding. Raven held on to Abby for just a second, and then stepped back. “Yeah, kay, sounds good,” she agreed, suddenly almost shy. Clarke knew she wasn't used to that much attention from a mother figure, and silently reminded herself she'd need to do something nice for her parents at some point to thank them for basically adopting her friends.  
  
Abby stepped away from the three girls, giving them all a smile as she said, “I've got to head out to get some things. If you aren't here when I get back, know that I owe you both for helping Clarke through this.”  
  
“You don't owe us anything, Abby,” Octavia told her. Grinning over to the blonde, she shoved her playfully. “We're family; it's what we do.” Raven nodded her agreement and Clarke lightly shoved Octavia back, her chest feeling a little warm and fuzzy. Sometimes she forgot just how truly amazing her friends were.  
  
“You're right, we are,” Abby agreed, nodding. “And I wouldn't have it any other way.” She flashed them another quick smile, and then said to Clarke, “I'll be back soon. Let your father sleep for as long as he can; he needs his rest.” She nearly rolled her eyes, finally feeling lighter than she had all day, and just replied, “I know Mom.” The older woman gave her a grin and then turned around, heading out the door.  
  
The moment she was gone, her two best friends turned to her.  
  
“You sure you're okay?” Octavia wanted to know, studying her carefully. She nodded, telling them, “I mean, I'm still kinda in shock, but yeah, I'm okay.”  
  
“Course you are,” Raven said, shaking her head. “I mean, shit Clarke. This is all just...” She trailed off but she didn't need to finish the sentence. They all understood exactly what she meant. They heard a buzzing, and then Raven looked down at her phone. “Finn's been texting me non-stop. He wants to come see you, see how you are.”  
  
“Bellamy too,” Octavia told her and then added, “Jasper and Monty too. Monroe and Harper texted too, and even Murphy wants to know what's happening.”  
  
Clarke's head swam a little, not quite yet up to dealing with so many people. She loved every one of her friends, but she just couldn't imagine answering all their questions or having to field all their sympathy quite yet. She rubbed at her eyes tiredly, saying, “I don't think I'm up for that yet. Could you guys maybe deal with them all? Tell them I love them and thanks, but right now I kind of just want to spend time with my dad?”  
  
Before she'd even finished speaking they were nodding.  
  
“Yeah, definitely,” Octavia said, “We can totally do that.” Raven looked from her to Clarke, brow furrowed a little as she thought something through, and then nodded again. “Your car's still at the school; we can go get it and meet everyone there and let them know what's happening.” She paused then, head tilting, and asked, “Even Finn?”  
  
“Yeah, even Finn,” Clarke answered. She knew all he'd want to do was help, but even that she couldn't quite take right now. “Tell him I'll call him later and see him tomorrow.” They both nodded, each already blasting out texts, probably telling their friends all to meet them in the school parking lot, and Clarke glanced around the waiting room. She'd noticed who was missing the moment they walked in, but only now felt like she'd found the opportunity to ask about it. “Hey um, where's Lexa? Did she leave?” Her heart dropped a little at the thought, but when their heads shook it picked right back up.  
  
“Nah, she went to try to find some tea I think,” Octavia replied, looking up from her phone. “That was a little while ago though, so I don't know where she ended up.” Clarke nodded, now knowing what she had to do next, and then reached out, tugging the two to her in a hug. “Thanks guys,” she murmured, her eyes closing. “You have no idea how much I love you right now.”  
  
“We love you too,” Raven told her, hugging her right back, and Octavia nodded. “Always will,” she added, and Clarke felt herself smile.  
  
With just a few more hurried words, the two brunettes made their exit, and then Clarke set out on a new mission. She had a pretty good idea where she'd find the missing girl and so followed the signs to the hospital cafeteria and sure enough as she made her way inside there she found Lexa, awkwardly sitting cross-legged in her chair at one of the tables. She had her eyes closed, a paper cup sitting on the table in front of her, and Clarke's lips tugged up a little at the image. Making her way over, she sat quietly across the table from the brunette, and the moment she did she felt her entire body just sink into the chair. First one and then both of Lexa's eyes cracked open, and the moment she recognized the blonde the calm air around her dropped away.  
  
“How is he?” she asked, scanning the blonde's face. “Okay, I think,” Clarke answered with a little shrug. “He's resting now, and he's got a black eye and a bad scrape on his chin, but they say he should be fine.”  
  
“Good,” Lexa said, and then she reached across the table, lightly taking the other girl's hand and Clarke felt herself relax entirely as her fingers slipped between the brunette's. “What about you?” she asked, scanning her eyes, “How are you, Clarke?” One corner of the blonde's lips twitched up just barely, and she gave another half-hearted shrug. “Alright. Tired, still a little scared, but alright.” Lexa's thumb brushed along her knuckles and she gripped the hand, holding it almost like a life-line just because she could. “Thanks for coming. I really just... I'm not so sure I would have been able to do this without you.”  
  
“You didn't need me, Clarke,” Lexa murmured as she leaned forward. She wanted to tell her that she did, that she'd always needed her, but before she could find a way to get the words out the other girl added, “You're strong; you would have gotten through this.”  
  
“You make me feel stronger,” the blonde told her sincerely, wishing she could explain just how true that was. Everything seemed possible with Lexa beside her, far more possible than when she wasn't. “You always have.” The brunette smiled softly and it made something in her stomach squirm pleasantly as she replied softly, “You've always made me feel stronger too.”  
  
They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, hands clasped on top of the table and sitting comfortably in the silence together. Each needed the quiet, used it to help calm the thoughts and feelings tumbling in their head and gut, and then Clarke leaned forward, her other arm resting on the table and her head then resting on that. She closed her eyes and felt Lexa watching her, lips turned up in a tiny smile as the blonde relaxed more fully in front of her.  
  
“Octavia and Raven left,” she said suddenly, eyes still closed. “They went to get my car from school. They're meeting the gang to let them know what's going on.”  
  
“They aren't coming here?” Lexa asked, a little surprised. “Even Finn?” Clarke shook her head slightly, still resting it against her a arm as she answered, “No. I don't have the energy to deal with any of them right now, even Finn. I know they all just want to help, but I really just need the quiet. Plus I know they'd all want to see my dad, and there's no way we'd be able to sneak everyone in his room. Dad would probably be all for it, but it'd just make the doctors mad and worry my mom.”  
  
Lexa was quiet for a moment, and then Clarke heard her ask, “Would you like me to go?” Her voice was hesitant, a little unsure, and the blonde's grip immediately tightened on her hand, eyes opening a second later and instantly finding the exact shade of green she'd missed for so long.  
  
“I was actually hoping you'd stay for a little while?” she said, hoping she'd agree but worried she'd say no. “Mom went home to get some things and I was hoping you'd stay until she came back?” She looked away briefly and then looked back, licking her lips before adding quietly, “I just don't want to be alone, you know?”  
  
“You're not alone,” Lexa promised, returning the blonde's grip. “I will stay for as long as you want me.” Clarke smiled up at her, sure her relief was obvious but not caring enough to try to hide it.  
  
After another couple of seconds sitting together, the cheerleader let out a long sigh before picking her head up. Standing, she pulled the brunette's hand with her, saying, “Come on. I don't want to leave him alone for very long.” Lexa nodded, getting right up behind her, and Clarke led the way out of the cafeteria and into the hall.  
  
As they walked down the hall, they passed a number of people, both hospital personnel as well as patients and loved ones. Clarke didn't think much about any of them, too busy letting her mind wander back to her father, but noticed it when Lexa stepped closer to her. She glanced over, noticing a woman sitting on a bench and sobbing, her body hunched over as she let whatever pain she felt take her over. Out of the corner of her eye she saw something dark and painful flash across Lexa's face, and immediately noticed when her grip tightened against the blonde's hand. Realization of what must be going through the other girl's mind hit her so forcefully she had a hard time staying calm, and mentally she began berating herself. Here she was so focused on herself and everything happening to her own family she hadn't taken even a single second to think about what Lexa must be feeling being back in this hospital. She could still so easily picture the look on her best friend's face when the doctor had told them all the news, and she suddenly felt protective, holding the other girl's hand tighter and pulling her closer.  
  
“It's okay,” she murmured, the words solely for Lexa. “I'm right here.”  
  
“I know,” she heard Lexa reply, her tone heavy with the emotion she couldn't quite push down. “You were then too.” A stab of guilt shot through her at the words, the same guilt she always felt when she thought back to that day so many years ago. Memories of Lexa's tears, nearly silent as they shook her tiny body, and little Aden next to her unable to understand what was happening flooded back to her. She remembered the days after when the two had stayed with her and her parents as they tried to track down their father and tell him what had happened, both kids more like ghosts than children. She would have given anything then to make Lexa smile, but instead of being able to help the guilt had just festered inside her.  
  
Lexa broke through the memories, adding quietly, “I don't think I would have been able to get through that without you. You saved me back then.” Clarke said nothing, just gripped her hand, and the brunette gripped it right back.  
  
Eventually they made it to Jake's room, and Clarke eased the door open quietly when they did. She peered over to the bed, finding her father still sleeping, and tugged lightly on Lexa's hand. “Come on,” she said, and led her over to the chairs along the wall. The blonde sat in one and pulled the other girl to the other, not yet ready to let there be space between them, and then they let the silence wash over them again.  
  
For a few minutes, Clarke managed to sit there quietly, glancing every now and then over to her father and then away again. The room was boring though, nothing particularly interesting to look at, and she figured she probably couldn't just stare at Lexa indefinitely. Between the lack of things to do and the exhaustion of the day finally creeping up on her, she found her head slowly nodding forward, losing the battle with consciousness. She fought it for a while, darting back up whenever she felt her chin press against her chest, but finally that exhaustion won out and her head fell forward, this time not rising again. As she drifted off into the wonderful world of unconsciousness, she felt a slight pressure against her hand, and without entirely meaning to she shifted towards it. Her head found a pillow – admittedly one that was a little bony – and then her side pressed as close to Lexa as she could get, seeking out her body heat. After a day of nothing but stress and terror, she finally let herself relax entirely, curled up next to the one person who had always made her feel safe. Now, in this place neither of them had ever wanted to be again, she found herself tucked into that safety, trusting that Lexa would be right there when she woke up.  
  
Despite the awkward angle and the smell of antiseptic, she hadn't slept so well in weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Octavia shifted excitedly against the bleacher, bumping into Clarke's arm. The movement caused the blonde's hand to jerk, leaving an unwanted line down the center of her paper, effectively ruining the doodle she'd been working on for the past few minutes. Holding in a sigh, she flipped to a new page in her notebook, deciding not to say anything; she figured that's what she got for trying to draw in the crowded bleachers.  
  
“Sorry,” the brunette said, glancing over to her, and Clarke shook her head. “It's fine,” she replied. “It wasn't coming out right anyway.” The shape of the eyes had been off, and all she had was her pen so she wouldn't have been able to color them in to the proper shade of green anyway.  
  
“Jeeze O, I'd think you were competing with how excited you are,” her brother told her, giving her a look from the bench just behind her. “Of course she's excited,” Finn stated from the other side of Clarke. Nodding towards the gym floor where various fencing teams had gathered, he added, “Putting her around people with swords would be like letting Raven loose in a fireworks store.” While Octavia grinned, unable to take her eyes of the fencers warming up below them, Raven turned around, shooting a look up at him and Clarke behind her. “Hey speaking of that, I gotta stop on the way back from this. Gotta pick up some supplies for tonight.”  
  
“No fireworks Raven,” Clarke said without even looking up from her notebook. “We've already gone over this.” From the edge of her vision she could see the other girl pout. “But it's not gonna be a party without fireworks! C'mon Clarke!”  
  
“No,” the blonde told her, cutting off any argument she might try to make. “I said you could throw me a party, but you're not making anything go boom. Bellamy, you're on Raven-duty to make sure it stays that way.” He leaned forward, sticking his head between the blonde and his sister to shoot Raven a smirk as he said, “Aye aye Captain.” The girl crossed her arms in front of her, obviously miffed, but nobody paid her any attention as she pouted.  
  
“Now Clarke, you're _sure_ you don't want to invite more people?” Jasper butted in from his spot beside Bellamy. He leaned down beside the blonde, his elbows digging into his knees as he rested his chin in his palms. “Cause there's still time to get the word out. We just need to know for the booze run.”  
  
“Yes Jasper, I'm sure I don't want to invite more people,” she replied, the corners of her mouth twitching up as she answered this question yet again. “I don't want any wild party, what we've got already is fine.” He leaned back, a little dejected, but she ignored it. He and Bellamy and Raven had spent the last week trying to change her mind and let them turn this into the kind of party where they invited practically their entire class, but she wasn't having any of it. As it was they'd already managed to convince her to invite over twenty people, and even that was more than she really wanted. She wasn't going to let them talk her into to inviting anymore.  
  
“Good, that'll leave more booze for me,” Murphy stated, sitting on Bellamy's other side. “Everybody else sucks anyway.”  
  
The group around her continued to talk about the party, but Clarke tuned them out. At the moment it wasn't the first thing on her mind, and she kept glancing up, looking across the gym to its wide open doors as she began to sketch a quick message out on her paper. Most of the schools taking part in the fencing tournament had gathered, the competitors stretching or just hanging out while they waited for things to start, but the Polis team had yet to come out of the locker rooms. Since there was really only one person she was there for, she found it hard to really pay attention to anything with that person still missing.  
  
“So,” she heard suddenly, and pulled her focus away from those doors and her notebook to look over at her boyfriend beside her. He flashed her a smile, leaning closer as he asked, “I know you have plans with your parents tomorrow and it's gonna be a family day, but any chance you might have time for a call from your boyfriend? I'd like to wish you happy birthday on the actual day.” She returned his smile with one of her own and nodded. “I think I can probably make time for that,” she replied, lightly nudging his shoulder with her own. His smile grew, obviously happy with the answer. “Cool,” he just said. “I like that.”  
  
He began to say something else but Clarke suddenly tuned him out. Glancing back across the gym, the Polis team had finally made their entrance, and the moment they walked through the doors her breath got caught in her lungs. She'd never been to one of these competitions before which meant she'd never seen Lexa in her fencing uniform, and all of a sudden she felt like she'd wasted every moment of her high school career up to this exact point. The brunette walked easily just a step or two ahead of the rest of her team, Anya by her side, but Clarke really couldn't tear her eyes from her long enough to look at anyone else. The all white uniform really shouldn't have been anything special, but the way Lexa moved in it made it look like slick armor. Her hair was pulled back out of her face in even more braids than usual, and black paint had been smeared around her eyes and down her cheeks making her look like some fierce warrior goddess. Clarke had always known her oldest friend was beautiful, but now there was an almost dangerous quality to that beauty that she couldn't help but admit was kind of hot. Maybe even really hot.  
  
“Damn my girl looks good!” Harper exclaimed next to Raven, clearly having caught sight of the team too. The rest of their friend group looked forward, and Raven let out a low whistle. Behind them, Bellamy frowned. “What's with the black stuff?”  
  
“It's their war paint,” Lincoln answered, speaking up for the first time on Octavia's other side. “It's just something they've always done.”  
  
“I did not know until this moment I have a thing for women in war paint,” Raven stated, still watching them. “Now I know.” She leaned forward a little, squinting. “Shit, even from here Anya's cheekbones look like they could kill somebody.”  
  
“They probably could,” Murphy muttered, shifting back on the bench a little, his own attention flickering to his girlfriend down there and wearing the same war paint. Clarke noticed Emori flash a smirk in their direction, and didn't doubt it was meant for him.  
  
“They look so badass,” Octavia breathed, eyes wide and excited. “They get to use swords and wear war paint? Where do I sign up?”  
  
“Uh, hello, you play football remember?” Bellamy asked her, giving her a look. “You don't have time to fence too. And you can't quit football. Lincoln, tell her.” Octavia looked over to her boyfriend, quirking an eyebrow at him, and he shook his head. “As your boyfriend, I know enough not to try to tell you what to do,” he replied, making Bellamy roll his eyes behind them. His lips quirked up then, adding, “But as your teammate, I will say we'd be in trouble without you.” She sighed, looking wistfully at the team spreading out a little on the other side of the gym, and shook her head. “You guys are lucky I love you. Look at what I could be doing!”  
  
“Man, they look intense,” Finn stated. “I didn't know fencing was this dramatic. I would not want to go up against any of them.”  
  
Clarke nodded, about to reply, when a head tilted up and suddenly green eyes caught hers. She grinned a little the moment she caught Lexa's attention, and then held up her notebook so the other girl would be able to see the quick message she'd written out only a few minutes ago. _Good luck!_ Lexa's eyes flicked over the page and then her smile grew before looking back up at the blonde. They shared the look for just a second until Clarke saw Anya say something to her, pulling the fencer's attention back to her team. She turned around but Clarke continued to watch her as the rest of her team began to move in closer to what was obviously their leader. Monroe shot a quick wave up to the group that nearly everyone else around her returned, but Clarke barely even noticed it, too focused on Lexa. A moment later something else grabbed her attention and the attention of everyone else in the gymnasium as the Warriors began some kind of foreign chant.  
  
“Jus drein, jus daun. Jus drein, jus daun.”  
  
The words began softly, so softly Clarke couldn't make them out, but the more the team repeated them the louder they got. She had no idea what they meant but the ferocity with which they said them hit her, making her heart speed up in an excitement she hadn't felt a moment ago.  
  
“What is that?” Raven demanded, quirking an eyebrow at the strange chant. “It's just some weird ritual they do before every competition,” Harper answered, giving a little shrug. “Monroe was telling me about it. I guess it's some strange tradition that's been passed down over the years for so long nobody really knows who started it.”  
  
“The words mean 'blood must have blood',” Lincoln explained. “Anya says the language was made up years ago. The chant is meant to intimidate their opponents while psyching themselves up.”  
  
“Looks like it's working,” Finn replied, glancing down at the other teams. Clarke followed his gaze, finding some of the other fencers now shifting in their stances, throwing glances at the painted Warriors.  
  
The tournament started not long after they'd finished chanting, and Clarke watched as the various fencers faced each other. While it was cool to watch, she wasn't nearly as interested as Octavia was in it all until she saw Lexa step forward for the first time. The second she slipped her mask on and settled into her stance, she was the only thing Clarke could hope to pay attention to. She began moving and the blonde fought to follow every movement but found it to be nearly impossible. Lexa's sword flew through the air in a blur, her footsteps nearly as fast as she moved backwards and forwards on the mat, and Clarke couldn't quite breathe as she watched. She'd always known the other girl was fast – she never once won a game of tag against her when they were little – but this was something else altogether.  
  
With that speed and skill, she wasn't surprised when Lexa won all of her matches in the first round, and she clapped along with everyone else as the brunette stepped away from the mat. “Damn, Lexa can move,” Raven said, obviously impressed. “I am simultaneously a little scared and turned on.” Clarke's head snapped back in surprise, throwing a look to her friend, her heart skipping a beat for some reason at her words.  
  
“I thought Anya was the one you wanted to make out with?” Octavia questioned, barely looking down at the other brunette, but Clarke saw her shrug. “I mean well yeah, she is, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't make out with Lexa too,” she said, gesturing down at her. “I mean hello, did you see what she just did?”  
  
“She has a girlfriend, Raven,” Clarke reminded her, for some reason wanting to shut down that train of thought as soon as possible. Just the idea of Raven and Lexa together made her grit her teeth. The other girl tilted her head, as though she'd forgotten. “Oh yeah, that's true. Okay fine, I'll stick with Anya then. And speaking of...” As she spoke, Anya stepped up onto the mat along with her opponents, and the conversation around them ended as she began her own matches. Raven watched her intently and Clarke kept glancing at Raven, glad to see her attention was no longer on Lexa.  
  
The first round of the tournament ended and people began moving, using the break between rounds to stretch their legs. Clarke decided to take the opportunity for a bathroom break and made her way down the bleachers, leaving her friends behind. Walking along the side of the gym she kept looking for Lexa, hoping to be able to pull her aside for just a second to tell her how great she was doing and ask her a question, but she had no luck. The other girl must have had something she was doing during the break too, because she was nowhere to be found.  
  
Upon returning from the bathroom, Clarke instead saw a couple of other people she knew, and smiled when they suddenly noticed her too.  
  
“Hey Clarke!” Aden exclaimed, giving her a big smile. “I didn't know you were coming to this.”  
  
“Yeah, the gang and I thought we'd check it out,” she answered, giving him a nod. “Monroe's competing, and I figured it was time to see what Lexa could do.” Looking past her fellow cheerleader, she looked up at the man standing behind him, and her smile softened just a little. “Hi Gustus.”  
  
“Hello Clarke,” he replied, giving her a warm smile. “It's been a while since I've seen you. How've you been?”  
  
“Pretty good,” she told him, and she watched as his smile fell a little. “I heard about what happened with your father last week. How's he doing?”  
  
“Better now, thanks,” she replied. “Mom's been keeping a close eye on him, so he hasn't really had a chance to not take care of himself.” Gustus nodded, stilling frowning slightly. “Good, I'm glad,” he said, “He needs her to keep him in line.” He paused for a minute, and then asked, “Any chance he's up for a visitor? I'm a little ashamed of how long it's been since I've seen either of them.”  
  
“Don't be, we're all busy,” Clarke told him, and then added, “And yeah, I think he and Mom would love to see you. Come over anytime. I'll let them know to expect you.” He gave her another smile. “Wonderful. I'll stop by in the next day or two then.”  
  
She was about to tell him her father typically had more energy in the mornings and that he should probably try for sometime before noon, but familiar faces over in front of the bleachers suddenly caught her attention and her eyes widened slightly.  
  
“Awesome, I'll let them know,” she said instead, flashing him another quick smile, and then nodded to him and Aden. Glancing quickly at the boy, she added, “See you Monday, Aden.” He echoed the good-bye but Clarke barely stuck around to hear it, seeing an emergency she needed to go deal with.  
  
Bellamy and Octavia stood side-by-side in front of the bleachers, a few of their friends spread around them, but the Blakes weren't paying them any attention. Instead they glared at the group in front of them, and even from far away Clarke had recognized Roan at the front of it, the Azgeda quarterback and one person most likely to piss Bellamy off. In general Polis and Azgeda didn't get along, the two schools stuck in a never ending rivalry that dated back generations, and it was even uglier between the two quarterbacks. Clarke had a feeling if she didn't end whatever was going on now there might be blood; Bellamy had that look in his eye that told her nothing would make him happier than to punch the other guy square in the nose.  
  
“Step back Queen,” she heard Bellamy warning him, a clear threat in his tone. Roan's eyebrow just ticked up, entirely unconcerned. “Or you'll do what, Blake? You're about as intimidating as your sister.” He glanced down at Octavia, the girl's expression nearly matching her brother's, and smirked. “Actually, she's more intimidating than you.” He winked at her, just trying to get under their skin, and Clarke could see it working. Just as Bellamy was about to move forward and close the space between them, she stepped in the middle, putting her hand on his chest.  
  
“Relax, Bellamy,” she muttered, flashing him a look. “He's not worth it.” The boy's jaw clenched, his expression hard, but after a second he just barely nodded and let her push him back a step. Behind her, she heard Roan let out a light laugh.  
  
“Way to listen to your girlfriend, Blake,” he said with a grin. “Does she run your team as easily as she runs you?”  
  
“She's not his girlfriend,” Finn growled from behind Bellamy, and Clarke only now noticed his hand on the other boy's shoulder, clearly having been trying to pull him away before she stepped in. From the corner of her vision, she saw Roan looking her over. “Oh yeah? You looking for a boyfriend? Cause I like what I see.”  
  
“Finn, no,” Clarke ordered, catching the way he suddenly tried to move forward. “Everyone, back to the bleachers. _Now._ ” Lincoln grabbed Octavia's hand, leading her away and back to their seats, the brunette looking back over her shoulder the entire time and not taking her glare off of Roan. Raven and Monty each grabbed one of Bellamy's arms, having to tug against them a few times before the bigger guy finally gave in and let them lead him away. Just as Clarke was getting Finn to head back as well, Bellamy stopped, looking back at the other quarterback.  
  
“I'll see you on the field, Queen,” he told him, the words coming out in a mixture of a threat and a promise. Roan just smirked, not in the least bit intimidated. “Looking forward to it, Blake.” Clarke continued forward, pulling Finn with her and bumping into Bellamy, trying to herd him back to their group. Nobody else tried to fight against her, and soon she was able to get them back to their seats, Bellamy and Octavia now with scowls on their faces. She returned to her own spot between Octavia and Finn, picking up her notebook from where she'd left it on the bleacher and dropping it in her lap, and then heard the girl beside her let out a little huff.  
  
“God I want to wipe that smug look off his face,” Octavia growled, still glaring down at where Roan stood, now laughing with his buddies. “You can,” Raven told her, rolling her eyes, “At the game in two weeks. Until then, I advise waiting to attempt any violence. You'll hate him even more if you get kicked off the team or suspended for getting into a fight. Save it for the game.” Octavia continued glaring at him but didn't say anything, and they all let the subject drop.  
  
After only another few minutes the second round started and Clarke's attention once again went to the mat below. With each match the mood left behind after the run-in with Roan seemed to lift, until Octavia was once again entirely entranced by the fencers and even Bellamy no longer sat with entirely stiff shoulders. Clarke kept a close eye on her friends, entirely aware it wouldn't take much to set them off again, except for when Lexa stepped up for her own matches. At those times the blonde was just as entranced as Octavia, maybe even more so, and nobody could have even paid her to look away. With every fight Lexa's movements seemed to only grow more graceful, and it threw her because grace was not something she'd been expecting. There was certainly a ferocity in the sweep of Lexa's sword but more so there was beauty in it, and she wondered if it would be at all possible to find a way to capture that beauty on paper. She wasn't entirely sure how to go about doing so, unsure if she could ever replicate Lexa's speed with ink, but she decided she would have to try.  
  
After countless matches, only two people remained in the tournament, Lexa and Ontari Queen. Clarke knew Ontari as Roan's sister but nothing more, but she noticed the way the other girl smirked at Lexa and immediately disliked her. Lexa simply stared at her opponent, her expression entirely cool, and it made the blonde's pulse race just a little. The two took to the mat and moments later began their match, and Clarke tried to catch every single movement the brunette made but it was impossible; even with as fast as Lexa had moved before, she now moved even faster. She seemed to be able to instinctually predict Ontari's movements, countering nearly all of them, and Clarke just watched as she danced along the mat, hugging her notebook against her as she forgot to breathe.  
  
Even with as good as Lexa was, the match was close. As much as she hated to admit it, Ontari was good too, and made the brunette work for every point she got. Stepping back for her second break, Clarke could see Lexa's chest heaving a little, clearly tired from her day of matches, but she doubted the brunette even noticed it. Anya handed her a water bottle and Lexa took it, taking a few gulps, and then returned it before making her way over to the mat. Standing at her starting point, her eyes gazed over the crowd and Clarke found she couldn't look away. Those green eyes turned up to her, looking but not entirely seeing, and the blonde could have sworn she saw something settle inside her. She slipped her mask back on, got into her position, and waited for the referee's instruction to begin.  
  
Whatever Lexa had seen, it worked. She got in one hit and then another, barely even flinching when Ontari got in her own, and then two more. Her opponent managed to get in one more, and then Lexa ended it, landing the fifth and final hit. The next second people in the audience began cheering, many clapping and screaming, and Clarke was one of them. She jumped up to her feet before any of her friends could, her palms already hurting from the force of her claps.  
  
With the tournament over, the group hung around for a little while, Octavia exclaiming the entire time about how cool everything was while Jasper and Monty grinned at her and Bellamy rolled his eyes. Clarke stood with them by the bottom of the bleachers, only half paying attention to the conversation around her. She clutched at her notebook as she tried to look through the throngs of people loitering about the gym, on the lookout for one person. Even when her friends began to wander towards the exit, she stayed where she was, not planning to leave until she found Lexa. She caught sight of the team around Indra, the coach apparently talking to them about something, and waited patiently, not taking her eyes off of braided brown hair.  
  
Finally the coach must have dismissed them because everyone began to disperse, and when Lexa turned around it was as though she sensed Clarke watching. Her smile grew as she moved over towards the bleachers, and the blonde felt her heart skip a beat.  
  
“Lexa that was amazing!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around the other girl's shoulders as soon as she was close enough, only remembering at the last second she still had her notebook and managing not to smack her in the face with it. “I didn't even know it was possible to move that fast!”  
  
“Thanks,” she muttered, rubbing at the back of her neck. “And thanks for coming.”  
  
“Of course,” Clarke replied, stepping back and giving her a smile. “This thing's all Monroe's been able to talk about for weeks.” The smile curled up into a grin as she added, “Plus I wanted to see what the Commander could do. She said you were amazing and she wasn't wrong.” Lexa ducked her head a little at the title, and Clarke's lips quirked up a little higher.  
  
“How's your dad?” Lexa asked, obviously trying to change the conversation and Clarke gave a little shrug. “Better,” she answered, still smiling, and saw Lexa return the smile. “He hasn't had chemo since the accident so I don't know how he'll be after that, but he's been eating more and not arguing with me or my mom.”  
  
“That's very wise of him,” Lexa stated with a solemn nod, only the way her lips curled up giving away her joke. “Only a fool would try to argue with you and think they could win.” Clarke's lips curled up at the joke, her eyebrows raising for a second, and then she nodded. “I have been told I'm rather persuasive,” she agreed, and then watched as now Lexa's eyebrows rose. “I might have gone with stubborn, but that works too.” Clarke almost laughed but held it in, sure it was obvious as she shrugged. “Same difference.”  
  
They grinned at each other, holding the other's eyes until someone moved over to them, and for a second it surprised Clarke that anyone else was still around. Despite people still lingering around the gym, it had felt like they were the only two there. Finn flashed a big smile at Lexa as he loosely wrapped an arm around the blonde's waist, and Clarke almost frowned when she saw the other girl's grin drop, something else flashing across her face.  
  
“That was an awesome match!” he said to Lexa, gesturing towards the mat. “I mean they were all good, but that last one was kind of amazing!”  
  
“Thanks,” Lexa replied. He shot her another grin and then looked at Clarke who turned slightly towards him. “Ready to go Clarke? Everyone else already headed out to the cars. Raven wants to start getting ready for tonight.” She nodded but looked back to Lexa.  
  
“What are you doing tonight?” she wanted to know, and caught the way Lexa looked at her curiously, glancing from Finn to her and then back. “I don't know, why?” Clarke felt herself smile as she told her, “Tomorrow's my birthday so we're having a little party. Would you like to come?” Her smile grew a little as she added, “I was going to invite you earlier but you haven't been at your window all week.” She knew; every night that week she'd been looking for her, the invitation already written out and just waiting for her to show up at her window for her to show it to the other girl. When she never showed up, she'd decided she'd have to make sure to find her sometime during or after the tournament to ask her.  
  
“I was practicing for the tournament,” Lexa answered, and then added, “I'm... not sure I can make it. My father probably wants to do something as a family, and then Costia will likely want to do something.”  
  
“Bring her,” Clarke suggested, giving one shoulder a shrug. “Bring Anya too, if you want. The more the merrier.” She had nothing really against either girl, but she was also pretty sure she'd be willing to invite pretty much anyone if it meant the brunette would go. She opened her notebook back up and grabbed the pen she'd clipped to its binding and began writing something down. “The party isn't starting until after seven anyway, and you can definitely come later if you need to. It's at Raven's, and here's the address.” She ripped a corner out of the notebook, holding the piece of paper between them. Lexa looked down as she accepted it and then glanced up, and Clarke added, “You don't have to come, obviously, but if you want to you're welcome to. And I'd really love it if you did.” After a second Lexa nodded slowly, telling her, “I'll see what I can do,” and the answer made warmth spread through Clarke's chest as her smile grew.  
  
“Awesome, hope to see you there!” Finn said, flashing her a little grin, and Clarke nodded. She held Lexa's eyes for another second, hoping she could see how much this meant to her, and then turned with Finn and began making their way towards the exit. Even though she knew her friends were all waiting for them in the parking lot, part of her wanted to turn back around and go right back to Lexa and not leave her side. After watching her for so long, now she just wanted to spend time with her, be next to her even though she knew the other girl likely had plans. All she could do was hope those plans now included coming to Raven's tonight.  
  
Down at her side, her fingers crossed, hoping that might be enough to tip the scales in her favor.

***

“Come on, dance with me!” Finn shouted over the music, grabbing Clarke by the wrist and trying to tug her to the middle of the living room. The blonde laughed, resisting the pull for a second, and then gave in and let him lead the way. As she went she took a quick sip of her drink, holding it carefully in her other hand so it didn't spill from her movement. The margarita went down easily, the amount of tequila in it just enough to taste but not too overpowering, and she made a mental note to remind Monty he was a genius later; nobody made drinks quite as well as he did, even when it wasn't his moonshine. Finn's hands moved down to her waist, holding her lightly, and the two began to move to the music, hips swaying and shoulders jerking. She knew neither of them would ever win any dance competitions, but all any of them cared about right then was just having fun. Monroe and Harper were already dancing, and as she and Finn settled into their rhythm Octavia pulled Lincoln over to join them. The three couples moved together, everyone flashing grins at each other and bumping shoulders or hips as they laughed.  
  
Others hung out around the room. Monty and Jasper sat with a few people on the couch, the furniture pushed all the way back to the wall, and when she looked over she could tell Jasper was in the middle of telling some kind of story with wild hand gestures. Murphy leaned back against the wall, his eyes glancing around the room but darting back to his girlfriend whenever Emori leaned over to whisper something to him. Bellamy stood over with another little crowd, laughing at some joke, and Clarke felt an overall sense of content settle over her. Maybe the party had been a good idea after all.  
  
Raven walked into the room, coming from the hallway where her bedroom was located, her hand stuffed into the pocket of her signature red jacket, and Clarke's eyes followed her arm to it. She could see something long and thin straining against the inside of the pocket, and immediately knew what it was. Lightly pushing herself away from the dancing group, she stalked over to her, giving her a look as the brunette just smiled at her, obviously trying to act innocent.  
  
“Raven, is that a lighter in your pocket?” she demanded, one eyebrow quirking up. The other girl waited for a second, as though she thought Clarke was going to say more, and then said, “Clarke, you didn't finish the joke. It's 'Raven, is that a lighter in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?' And then you finish if off with a wink.” Instead of winking she wiggled her eyebrows a couple of times, and the blonde crossed her arms in front of her, her look intensifying. Raven took a step closer, patting her shoulder. “Don't worry, we'll work on it. I know humor isn't your strong suit, but we'll get you there.”  
  
“Raven,” Clarke warned, and then thought for a second and scowled. “And what do you mean humor isn't my strong suit? I'm funny.” Everyone else in the room looked elsewhere, unable to meed her eye, and the brunette just shook her head sadly. “No Clarke, you're really not. But that's okay, we love you for who you are anyway.”  
  
Rolling her eyes and deciding to ignore her, she now raised both eyebrows, refusing to let the other girl distract her and make her forget what she'd seen. “The lighter, Raven,” she simply stated, nodding down to her pocket. Raven met her stare for a few seconds, apparently debating something, and then let out a groan and pulled the lighter from her pocket, thrusting it into Clarke's hand as she held it out. She scowled, crossing her arms, but Clarke wasn't buying it. “Where are they, Raven? Where'd you hide the fireworks?”  
  
“Don't know what you're talking about,” she replied, tilting her head to the side and looking away. The blonde let out a sigh and then took a few steps to the side, pushing the lighter into Bellamy's hand. “Take care of that,” she told him. “And check the room for fireworks. The kitchen too.”  
  
“Got it,” he said, giving her a little nod. Looking over at Raven, he added, “You shoulda known better than to bring a lighter around her. She's got major mom-senses.”  
  
“You're not funny either,” Raven muttered, shooting him a glare. “I'm funnier than Clarke,” he tried to argue, and Octavia snorted not far behind him. “Not even.”  
  
Clarke ignored them and looked towards her boyfriend. “Come on,” she said, nodding towards the hallway. “You're with me. We're searching everywhere else.” He nodded and fell into step behind her, the two turning and heading down the hall. A second later they heard Raven's hurried footsteps running to catch up with them. They moved down the hallway, checking every little piece of furniture they went by and looking beneath pictures to make sure she hadn't carved out some kind of hole in the wall. While it all felt a little foolish, Clarke wouldn't have put any of it past Raven. She found firecrackers stashed in an old vase, a small pack of fireworks stuffed behind a picture frame, and a box of sparklers disguised as a pencil box, and began looking even harder. Raven huffed along behind her as she went, her jaw clenching every time either of them found something. After finishing in the hallway she went into Raven's room while Finn searched the bathroom, finding even more hidden there, and then they all headed to the backyard. The brunette followed and made her way to the picnic table, hoisting herself on top of it, and then watched the couple poke and prod around the yard with her arms crossed over her chest.  
  
Once she'd gone through everything she could think of, Clarke moved over the picnic table too, standing in front of the other girl and giving her a look. “Okay, I know there're more, where are they?” Raven just met her stare, not saying anything, and tilted her head up stubbornly. Clarke wasn't about to give in anymore than Raven was; she crossed her arms in front of her, mirroring the brunette's pose, and quirked an eyebrow. “You know I have more patience than you, Raven, I can outlast you. Where are they?”  
  
“Nope, sorry, still don't know what you're talking about,” the other girl replied, giving a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. Rolling her eyes, Clarke tried, “I'm not gonna take them from you for good, just until the end of the party. You can have your precious fireworks back after.”  
  
“Fireworks can be dangerous, Clarke,” Raven told her, faking a serious tone. “I wouldn't keep anything dangerous around here.” Beside her, Finn scoffed. “Yeah, sure you wouldn't. I bet fireworks are some of the safer things you have lying around.” She shot him a look, one corner of her mouth curling up into a smirk before she winked. “If a girl can't love her explosives, then what in life is there to truly love?”  
  
“How about not burning down your house?” Clarke suggested, and Raven actually looked offended. “When was the last time I burned something down with fireworks?” she demanded, and Clarke's eyebrows rose. “How about last month when you almost burned down a barn?”  
  
“'Almost' is the key word in that sentence,” Raven replied, lifting her chin. “As in, I didn't.” The blonde let out a frustrated sigh, fighting against rolling her eyes. “Okay, sure, but maybe tonight while everyone's drinking we don't try to push our luck. Save the fireworks for when we're sober.”  
  
“You worry too much,” Raven muttered. “I think I worry just enough, actually,” she replied and the brunette gave her a look before rolling her eyes. “Fine. I won't set off any fireworks tonight or even try to set anything on fire period. Are you happy now?”  
  
“I'll be happy when you tell me where you've hidden the rest of them,” she answered, and at that Raven lifted her chin stubbornly, keeping her mouth shut. Clarke closed her eyes, making herself take a deep breath, and then looked back to her friend. “Come on Raven, I know they're here somewhere, now where are they?”  
  
She'd been so focused on Raven and finding the fireworks she didn't hear it when the back door opened again or the footsteps as someone approached the picnic table. She did hear it when the new person spoke up, and she instantly recognized the voice. “Um, hi.”  
  
The moment she heard the two little words, she looked up, finally taking her focus from Raven. She felt her lips pull up into a smile, her mood immediately improved, and looked over as Lexa hesitantly made her way over to them. “Lexa! You came!”  
  
“Yeah,” the new brunette replied, returning her smile with a small one of her own. “I wouldn't miss your birthday party.” She glanced back at Raven and Finn, asking, “Did I interrupt something?”  
  
“No, not at all,” Clarke replied, still smiling. “I was just reminding Raven that even though she has a very impressive collection of fireworks, we will _not_ be setting any of them off tonight.” She gave the pyromaniac on the picnic table a look even as she continued to smile, the other girl not meeting her eyes as she continued to stare stubbornly to the side. “We really don't need any of her neighbors calling the cops on us, right Raven?” The girl in question let out a loud sigh, rolling her eyes again as she gave a great big shrug. “Fun ruiner,” she muttered, but Clarke chose not to acknowledge it. Deciding she'd gotten as far as she could with the fireworks discussion, she looked back at Lexa, asking, “How long have you been here? Are you by yourself?”  
  
Lexa shook her head. “We just got here a few minutes ago, and no, Costia and Anya are with me.” That made Raven perk up, her arms falling back to her sides and a grin slowly growing along her lips. “Maybe all my fun for tonight isn't ruined,” she said, jumping up from the table. Walking towards them, her head tilted to the side. “So Lexa, what do you think the chances are of Anya falling for me tonight?” Lexa gave her a look, clearly confused, as she told her, “Uh, pretty much none.” The answer only made her smirk grow. “A challenge; I like it. Time to lay on the Reyes charm.” Without another word she strolled back into her house, undoubtedly to find Anya, and Clarke could have rolled her eyes. At least now she had some sort of distraction.  
  
“She does know Anya pretty much hates everyone, right?” Lexa asked, looking back at the blonde, and she just shrugged. “Raven seems to believe she's charming enough to get anyone interested in her.”  
  
“Yeah, and the greater the challenge the more she's invested in it,” Finn added, stepping up beside them. He shook his head, grinning a little. “Which means by the end of the night Anya will either be kissing her or kicking her ass.” Clarke saw Lexa look towards the door and wince, obviously thinking she knew which was more likely, and she felt herself grin.  
  
“Come on,” she said, nodding towards the door. “Let's go back inside and try to prevent any blood from spilling.” Lexa nodded and then fell into step just behind her, following her inside, as Finn brought up the rear.  
  
Stepping back into the living room, Clarke wasn't surprised to see everyone still pretty much where she'd left them. About to go locate her drink and offer Lexa one, before she could Jasper's focus narrowed in on her and he grinned. “Hey the birthday girl's back!” he shouted, and then everyone was cheering. She wondered how much alcohol had already been drunk from their enthusiasm, but decided not to worry about it as Bellamy sauntered over to her. He carried a shot glass, so full she could see little splashes spilling from the cup, and pushed it into her hand. “Come on birthday girl, time to really get this party started!” She rolled her eyes but grinned as she accepted the shot. Giving them all a look, she held it up in a silent cheers and then tossed it back without any hesitation, the birthday cake shot only burning a little as it hit the back of her throat. Lifting the empty glass above her head, she continued grinning as she exclaimed, “Let's party!”  
  
Everything seemed to pick up after that. Someone turned up the music and this time she was the one to lead Finn to the dance floor, their fingers loosely intertwined. Where earlier only a few people had been dancing, now more moved out to join them, and soon they were a mess of bodies moving with very minimal rhythm between them. She and Finn danced together but then Octavia and Raven would move over and she'd be dancing just as much with them, laughing especially hard when they both pressed up against her sides and began making faces. She laughed and she danced and just let herself relax, let every worry she always carried melt away. The shot she'd taken mixed with the little she'd already had to drink, and she felt the very welcome warmth of the alcohol begin to flood her chest.  
  
While she tried to pay attention to everything equally as she moved, more and more she found her gaze drawn over to Lexa, dancing only a few feet away. She moved with her girlfriend, the two obviously sharing a drink between them as they passed a cup back and forth, and part of her felt like she should go over and remind them there was plenty for everyone to have their own cup, but the other part of her didn't want to interrupt. Lexa looked happy, constantly giving Costia small smiles and light touches, and she didn't want to intrude on that happiness. Something about it gnawed lightly at her gut, affected her in a way she didn't really understand, but she decided to just attribute that to drinking and moving so much. Every now and then she caught Lexa's eye as she looked over, and each time she smiled at her, just happy to see her.  
  
At one point when she looked over, Costia was leaning closer to Lexa, saying something to her, and then the brunette grabbed her hand and began leading her off the dance floor and back into the kitchen. For a second Clarke thought about following them, not really wanting to let Lexa out of her sight, but then Finn's arms slipped around her waist, pulling her closer to him, and she felt her smile curl up into a grin.  
  
“So what do you think about your birthday party, Princess?” he wanted to know, having to shout a little bit to be heard over the music. His head came to rest on her shoulder, and when she twisted a little she could see his grin and she returned it. “You guys did an awesome job,” she replied, giving him the credit he was looking for, and beside her she saw Octavia and Jasper high five.  
  
“Hear that?” Jasper asked, despite the fact she clearly had. “We did an awesome job.”  
  
“Course we did,” Bellamy agreed, shaking his head a little to get his hair out of his eyes. Giving them his classic half-smirk, he added, “Only the best for our Princess.”  
  
“Hey get your own nickname,” Finn told him, still grinning. Looking back at Clarke, his arms wrapped a little tighter around her waist as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “This Princess is all mine.”  
  
“Finn,” she just said, rolling her eyes, but didn't stop herself from pressing back against him slightly. She had to admit, it always felt good being in his arms. Rather than say anything, he just pressed another kiss to her cheek, blowing a raspberry against it before he pulled away again. The vibration and his silliness made her laugh, but even so she lightly elbowed his side, still grinning at him over her shoulder.  
  
“Alright, that's enough cuteness out of you too,” Octavia declared, stepping over and grabbing Clarke's hand. Tugging on it lightly she pulled her away from Finn, telling them, “If Raven were in here she'd tell you to get a room.”  
  
“Considering it's her room they'd probably be getting, she might want to reconsider that,” Monty stated behind them, and Clarke laughed as Finn wiggled his eyebrows. Looking around the room, Bellamy asked, “Where is Raven?” He paused for a second, thinking something over, and then grimaced. “You don't think she's finding her fireworks, do you?”  
  
“You better hope for your sake she isn't,” Octavia told him, giving her brother a look. Jasper nodded towards the kitchen. “She went in there a few minutes ago. I think she's trying to get Anya to make out with her. That or she needed another drink.” He shrugged, as though both were perfectly likely, and everyone in their group knew they were. “Speaking of drinks, I could use one,” Clarke said, realizing she'd never replaced the one she'd left behind before tracking down Raven the last time, and began making her way over to the kitchen. Finn, Octavia, Bellamy and Lincoln followed, probably all to replenish their own cups, and others crowded into the space created as they left the living room.  
  
Making her way into the kitchen, she found Anya and Raven standing around the table, setting cups out in a pyramid. Costia and Lexa stood over by the counter, each now holding a cup in their hand, and Clarke didn't miss the little glare Lexa was shooting at her best friend. Clearly they were all in the middle of some conversation, because the moment Raven noticed her she grinned, gesturing towards her. “And there's mine!” she declared, and Clarke's eyebrows rose before her eyes narrowed.  
  
“I'm your what?” she wanted to know, but the other girl just flashed her a smile. “Just one of my best friends, Clarkey-poo,” she responded, giving nothing more away, and then she turned her attention back to Anya and setting up their game.  
  
“Do I want to know what that was about?” she murmured, moving over towards Lexa, and the other girl shook her head. “Trust me, you don't.” Figuring she was probably right, the blonde just nodded, and then looked over to Finn as he called out, “Clarke, another margarita?”  
  
“Yes please,” she replied, flashing him a smile, and then turned back to the game unfolding in front of them. “Beer pong already?” Honestly, she shouldn't be surprised, considering Raven was one of the ones getting it set up. She was a beer pong junky.  
  
“Raven challenged Anya, so she couldn't say no,” Costia answered. Clarke's shoulders lifted slightly, not surprised as she said, “Yeah, that sounds like Raven. I hope Anya's good.” From the corner of her eye, she saw Lexa glance over at her. “Why? Is Raven? I assumed she was just bragging.” Clarke held in a laugh and shook her head. “I mean yeah, she probably was, but she's also really good. I've never seen her lose a game before.” Costia let out a little whistle, clearly impressed, and Lexa's eyebrows rose.  
  
The small group watched the first game unfold, Anya managing to hold her own for a little while, but as Clarke expected Raven emerged the victor. Surprisingly enough, she kept the gloating to a minimum, and the blonde had to wonder just how much she actually like Anya and whether her attraction was more than just a desire to make out. For the second game they played in teams, Bellamy stepping up and joining Raven while Costia joined Anya, and again Raven's team won. For the third and final round Anya and Raven paired up, taking on Octavia and Lincoln, and the two thoroughly crushed the couple. Clarke stood back and watched it all, perfectly happy to drink her margarita with Finn on one side and Lexa on the other.  
  
“Okay, enough beer pong, time for something else,” Bellamy declared as his sister and her boyfriend stood at their end of the table finishing their drinks. “Obviously Raven and Anya are unstoppable.” A number of people quickly agreed and Raven smirked while Anya looked as though she were trying not to. “King's Cup?” Octavia asked after finishing her drink, and Jasper and Finn cheered while Bellamy and Clarke both grinned.  
  
For over an hour they played drinking games, sometimes everyone joining in and sometimes breaking into smaller groups. Clarke played right along, laughing and drinking as the games dictated, and the more she did the more she could feel the warm fuzzy feeling from the alcohol spreading through her. By the time they finished Drunk Jenga and had started in on a game of Never Have I Ever she was leaning back against Finn where they sat on the floor, a silly smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Everything about the moment made her happy, and she had no problem letting that happiness wash over her.  
  
“Never have I ever smoked pot,” Bellamy stated, pointedly looking over to Monty and Jasper, both of them almost immediately taking a drink. Harper, Murphy, Raven, Anya and Costia drank too, and she watched as Lexa's eyebrows rose as she gave her girlfriend a look. Apparently that was news to her. Costia shrugged in return, telling her, “I smoke a joint every now and then to relieve stress, no big deal.”  
  
“Here here!” Jasper cheered, raising his cup up to her in salute before he took another drink, and Clarke just shook her head, still smiling. Everyone looked over to Octavia, the next person in the circle, and she just grinned. “Never have I ever kissed a girl,” she said, looking around at them all. Clarke took a drink, the corners of her lips pulling up just a little higher than they already were, and looked around to see who else drank. The only ones who didn't were Octavia, Monty and Emori, and as she lowered her cup Raven shook her head sadly. “You poor thing. You have absolutely no idea what you're missing. I've done a study on it, and generally speaking girls are way better kissers.”  
  
Despite not having the same kind of data to back up the claim as Raven did, Clarke couldn't help but agree. She kept the thought to herself however, instead staying quiet as Octavia rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say Raven.” Anya shifted back, throwing them a non-interested look and casually said, “She's actually right; I've done the same study, and yeah, girls are way better kissers.” Raven just grinned, throwing a look over at Octavia as though to say “I told you so”.  
  
Beside his girlfriend, Lincoln grinned. “Okay, then how about this; never have I ever done a study to see which gender is a better kisser,” he stated, looking over to his sister. She flipped him off as she lifted her cup back up, and Raven let out a laugh as she did the same. “Nicely played, Lincoln,” she gave him, pretending to tip an invisible hat to him after she finished drinking. She then looked around the circle and Clarke watched her until their eyes made contact. She could practically see the spark of glee light up in them right before she said, “Never have I ever been a cheerleader.”  
  
“If you were trying to get just me, you must have forgotten Octavia was a cheerleader in fourth grade,” she reminded them, nonchalantly giving her a look over the rim of her cup as she lifted it. Octavia wanting to try cheering was the whole reason she'd started, and then she'd been the one to stick with it after the brunette decided she would rather be playing football than cheering for it. Octavia groaned, probably having forgotten that brief time, and then took a swig of her drink. “Shit, forgot about that.” Clarke glanced back at Raven to find the other girl flashing them a grin. “Hey, hit two birds with one stone.”  
  
The game continued around the circle, people starting to quit as their cups emptied and choosing to just watch rather than play. As more and more people tapped out, Raven became more focused on zeroing in on certain people just like she always did for this game, so Clarke wasn't particularly surprised when she turned back to her, already smirking.  
  
“Never have I ever dated Finn,” she said, and the blonde rolled her eyes before taking a drink. “Wow, you really had to think hard to come up with that one,” she replied sarcastically, and then without pausing said, “Never have I ever nearly blown up half the school.”  
  
“It wasn't half!” Raven exclaimed, and then when both Octavia and Bellamy scoffed she glared at them. “Fine,” she muttered, taking a drink, and then she thought for a second, head tilting slightly to the side. An idea clearly coming to her, her lips curled right back up, proudly stating, “Never have I ever only kissed two people.”  
  
“Actually, unless you kissed numbers two and three simultaneously, then there was a time you had only kissed two people,” Monty piped up, speaking up for the first time in a while. She waved her hand at him, dismissing it, as she said, “You know what I mean, it counts.” Clarke noticed Lexa take a drink but she doubted anyone else had, the entire circle turning to watch her. She met their looks, just sitting calmly as she leaned against Finn and didn't move.  
  
“Uh, Clarke?” Octavia said, giving her a look. “This is the part where you drink.” She returned her look, raising an eyebrow, and felt the corners of her mouth twitch slightly. “No I don't.”  
  
“Yeah you do,” Raven replied, rolling her eyes. “You've kissed two people, Niylah and Finn, therefore you drink.”  
  
Before she could say anything, Anya looked over at her, clearly surprised as she asked, “Wait, hold on, you've kissed Niylah?” Clarke looked at her and shrugged, telling her, “Yeah. She was my girlfriend for a couple of months in eighth grade.” Turning back to Raven, she continued, “And yes, I've kissed them both, but Niylah wasn't my first kiss.” This was news to nearly everyone in the circle since she'd never shared the story of her first kiss with anyone, and she easily saw a number of eyes widen. Across from her Lexa stared into her cup, very pointedly not looking up.  
  
“Wait, hold on, what did you just say?” Raven demanded at the same time Octavia asked, “What do you mean Niylah wasn't your first kiss? Of course she was!” She knew why they were both surprised; ever since the third grade they'd shared almost everything, but the one thing Clarke had never wanted to open up about was the best friend she'd had before them. Her stories about Lexa, especially this one, felt too special to talk about. Right now though she could feel the alcohol easily moving through her system, making her care less about the walls she'd built up around her memories surrounding the brunette, and with Lexa in the room she apparently cared even less about keeping it to herself. She felt her lips curling up slowly as she informed them, “No she wasn't. I was fourteen when we dated; I had my first kiss when I was six.”  
  
“ _Six?_ ” multiple people exclaimed at once, and Clarke bit her bottom lip, trying to keep her grin from growing. “You kissed someone when you were six and you never told me?” Raven exclaimed, glaring at her. “I feel cheated! Lied to!”  
  
“Who the hell did you kiss when you were six?” Bellamy asked, everyone seeming to watch her more closely now with the question they all wanted the answer to out there. Clarke's eyes flickered across the circle, losing the battle of holding her smile back as she answered, “Actually, she's the one who kissed me. Right after she asked me to marry her.” She stared directly at Lexa, knowing everyone watching would be able to figure it out and not caring, and then watched as the other girl's head tilted up just slightly, peeking up through her lashes. She caught sight of green eyes swimming with a number of emotions, one of the most obvious ones surprise.  
  
“You remember that?” Lexa asked, and Clarke nodded, now beginning to frown slightly. Of course she remembered that. For weeks it had been the last thing she thought about before falling asleep at night, and sometimes she still had dreams about being on the swings and the feeling of Lexa's lips against hers. The kiss had been weird, sure, but it had been with Lexa which meant she would never be able to forget it. “Of course,” she replied, “Don't you?”  
  
“Yeah,” Lexa answered slowly. “I do. I just didn't think you did.” Clarke's lips curled back up, flashing her a smile as she joked, “Lexa, a girl doesn't forget the first time someone proposes to her.”  
  
Beside her girlfriend, Costia spoke up, glancing back and forth between them. “Wait a minute. You two kissed? And Lexa you... proposed?” Everyone's eyes turned to her, and Clarke noticed Lexa sit up a little straighter, no longer curling herself over her cup as though to hide. Now she faced them, head tilting back a little higher. “It was my seventh birthday and Tristan told me I needed to be his girlfriend. In all my seven year old wisdom, I decided the best way to keep that from happening was to ask my best friend to marry me.”  
  
“And you kissed?” Octavia asked, also looking between the two of them. Clarke shrugged one shoulder, telling her, “I was six; I thought you had to if you wanted to be engaged.” Lexa nodded, as though to back up her story, and for a second everyone was quiet, apparently trying to process this new information. Suddenly though Jasper was grinning as he pointed at Raven.  
  
“Guess you didn't get her like you thought, Raven,” he told her, letting out a laugh. “Good try, but I'm pretty sure the Princess just kicked your ass!” She glared at him and Clarke smirked, giving her a look, and then the game continued as though nothing had happened. As they continued around the circle however, Clarke couldn't entirely keep her focus on the game, and kept finding herself looking over at Lexa. Apparently the other girl was having just as much luck paying attention as she was, and they kept making eye contact. Each time they did they would shared a little smile, almost as though they were privy to some secret nobody else knew about, and every time Clarke felt the warmth in her chest spread out even further.  
  
After a few more rounds the game tapered off and people began getting up and moving around again. Octavia turned the music back on and a few of them went back to dancing, their movements even less coordinated than they'd been before. Clarke danced right along with them, joking with Finn every time he whispered something in her ear or lightly bumping against Raven or Octavia, but before long she was sweating, her throat dry from the heat of the room and alcohol she'd been drinking. She flashed a smile to her friends and then managed to extract herself from the group, making her way over to the kitchen. As she passed the couch Lexa had settled on with Costia and Anya she flashed her another smile but then continued on her way. She managed to make it to the kitchen without anyone following her, and when she stepped into the empty room she let out a little sigh, able to breathe just a little better in here than she could back in the living room. She got herself a cup of water for her dry throat and began sipping on it, even as she opened the fridge to pull out the margarita pitcher.  
  
Hearing footsteps behind her, she glanced over her shoulder and then gave Anya a casual smile as she appeared in the doorway. “Can I get you another drink?” she asked, looking back at the pitcher in her hands. “What would you like?”  
  
“I'd like for you to knock it off,” was the reply she got, and she frowned, definitely not expecting that. Turning around more fully, she looked at the other girl. “I'm sorry?”  
  
“Knock it off,” Anya repeated, folding her arms in front of her. Seeing her better now, Clarke could make out the intensity with which she glared at her. “Knock what off?” she asked, and one of the other blonde's eyebrows ticked up.  
  
“This little game you think you're playing with Lexa,” she answered, and Clarke's brow furrowed, entirely confused. “I see what you're doing. Sending her all these little smiles across the lunch room, using her to comfort you because of what's happening with your dad. That sucks, it really does, but you don't just get to use her because it's convenient for you. Fuck no.”  
  
“I really don't know what you're talking about,” she tried to say, though deep down she thought maybe she had some idea. “Lexa and I are neighbors, friends, that's it. I'm not using her or doing anything.”  
  
“Yes you are and you fucking know it,” Anya growled at her, stalking forward just a step. “All you have to do is bat your eyelashes and you know Lexa'll come running to you. And then when you're done, when she's comforted you and you don't need her anymore you'll leave her behind, just like you did before.”  
  
A stab of guilt shot through her, piercing her gut like a knife, but she clenched her jaw. “You don't know what you're talking about,” she told her, turning back to the counter to try to ignore her, but the other girl wasn't about to let that happen.  
  
“Yeah actually, I do,” she said, stepping up and getting even closer to the blonde. “I might not have come into Lexa's life until after you left it, but it was soon enough after to get a pretty good idea of what happened. For weeks after we starting hanging out all Lexa could ever talk about was you. 'Oh this is Clarke's favorite game' or 'Clarke always likes this the best' and on and on, until she just stopped talking about you. I didn't know her well before but even so I could see the change in her when she realized you'd had enough of her and moved on to your new friends. She shut down and I had to fight like hell to keep her from shutting down completely. After everything she was already going through, I had to help her get through losing her best friend too. And that was entirely your fault. So no, you don't get to just decide to come back into her life because shitty things are happening to you. I'm not watching her fall apart again like before, so knock it off.”  
  
Clarke's hand on the pitcher had started to tremble, badly enough she could see the liquid inside sloshing around. Setting it on the counter a little more forcefully than she meant to, she fought to keep herself under control, to try not to let Anya see how much her words had affected her.  
  
“You have no idea what you're talking about,” she repeated, pushing the words out past clenched teeth. Pain rose up in the back of her throat, the kind that only comes about when you're trying to keep yourself from crying, and she turned around slowly, forcing herself to face the other girl. Anya continued to glare at her, not backing down, and she shook her head. “You don't.”  
  
The problem was she did, Anya entirely knew what she was talking about, because like she'd said, she'd been the one with Lexa. She'd been the one to see what Clarke's retreat from their friendship had done to the brunette, something the blonde had only seen from afar. She wanted to say more, wanted to try to defend herself, but couldn't; nothing she could say would truly be enough for either of them to forgive her for what she'd done. Instead she broke away, unable to meet the other girl's eyes anymore, and pushed past her, their shoulders bumping roughly as Clarke made a quick exit from the kitchen, leaving her water behind and the margarita pitcher out on the counter.  
  
The blaring music hit her as she quickly made her way back into the living room, but where before it had been fun and uplifting now it seemed to press down on her. She couldn't stay in here, surrounded by all these people, and so tried to make a beeline for the hallway on the opposite side of the room.  
  
“Hey what took you so long?” Finn asked, stepping in front of her before she could make it through. He flashed her a little grin, moving a little closer. “I've been missing my dance partner.” He reached out, hands momentarily settling on her hips, but she took a step back, putting distance between them again. He gave her a look, frowning, and she forced a smile, however fake it was. “Sorry, it's just a little hot in here,” she told him, going with the first lie she could think of. “I just need to get a little air. I'll be back in a few minutes.”  
  
“Want some company?” he asked and she instantly shook her head. “No, it's alright, you stay here and have fun. I'll be right back.” He gave her a look but then nodded and she forced herself to keep smiling until she managed to step around him. The moment she did the smile fell away, and then she was doing her best to keep herself from running down the hall.  
  
Pushing the back door open, the cool night air hit her skin, but rather than make her feel better it just seemed to stick to her. A cold, creeping guilt had begun to grow along her gut almost as soon as Anya had started talking to her, and even now it continued to spread through her. It laced itself into her veins, coated her muscles, and washed over her skin until it was all she could feel. Her lungs pooled with it and her chest desperately ached and she had to clench her eyes shut to try to tamper it down. Walking over to the picnic table she felt it all fester inside her, and though she tried to hold it in she didn't try to push it away. Everything Anya had said had been true, every word of it, and she let the truth of what she'd done tear into her.  
  
Sitting on top of the picnic table, she let her legs dangle over its side, the dulled edge of the wood biting into her thighs. She stared up at the sky, finding a half moon hidden partially behind a cloud, a number of stars scattered across the black backdrop. She felt a little like that moon, missing its other half as it hid behind whatever floated closest to it. For years she'd been hiding after purposefully pulling away from her own other half, trying to pretend like she could be whole without it. She couldn't; if she'd learned anything over the past couple of weeks it was that she wasn't whole, wasn't the happy person she tried to show everyone, and only she entirely knew why. That why hung heavily in her chest, taking the place of her heart, and she didn't think she could take the weight of it anymore. It was too much, too heavy, and she needed it gone.  
  
After years of holding this truth in, the moment she decided not to anymore everything inside her seemed to settle, and she wasn't entirely sure how she should feel about that. The guilt still clung to her, wrapped her up in something like a second skin, but for the moment her mind cleared, a resolve she hadn't felt before settling into her chest.  
  
She'd only been out there a minute or two when she heard the door open again and then quiet footsteps moving towards her, and she didn't have to turn around to know who they belonged to. The moment she'd stepped into the living room she'd known she would follow her, possibly just proving Anya's point, but she couldn't think of anything to do to stop it and she hadn't wanted to. When she sat on the picnic table she'd left room beside her, and now Lexa pulled herself up, settling easily on the open space. The two sat next to each other, staring up at the sky, and for a few minutes neither said anything.  
  
“It's a beautiful night,” Clarke finally murmured, breaking the silence. She spoke quietly, as though the stars themselves were listening and she didn't want them to overhear. “I used to do this so much, but before the tree house it'd been awhile.”  
  
“For me too,” Lexa replied, still looking up. “I forgot how soothing this is.”  
  
“Mm,” the blonde agreed. She didn't say anything else, and it was probably that silence that made Lexa glance over. Clarke could see her studying her from the corner of her eyes, but didn't look back even as she said, “Clarke, whatever Anya said to you, I'm sorry. She can be... harsh, I guess.”  
  
“She wasn't harsh,” she replied, and she noticed Lexa frown. “She was just honest. Everything she said was right.” The brunette waited for a second to see if she would say anything else and when she didn't she asked, “Can I know what she was right about?”  
  
For a few seconds Clarke didn't say anything, didn't do anything but stare up at the sky. For the moment she felt almost calm, a strange kind of peace hitting her she knew wouldn't last the moment she started her story, so she held onto it. She could practically feel Lexa's frustration beside her, her need to help overshadowing everything else, and she felt a twinge of something in her gut. Anya had been right; like always Lexa had come to her rescue, to try to fix everything to make her feel better, and her guilt spiked. She sat for another second, trying to keep herself composed as she prepared to tell the single secret she'd never shared with anyone else.  
  
“Do you remember how my parents used to help out with local fundraisers?” she asked suddenly, and Lexa shifted ever so slightly beside her, clearly surprised. “For charities? Sometimes I got to stay with you when they went to them, and sometimes you came with us?” Lexa nodded, and Clarke's heartbeat picked up, her mouth suddenly dry. Doing her best to ignore both, she continued quietly, “There was one a couple months before my eighth birthday. You were going to come but then you got sick and your mom wanted you to stay home.” Her gut twisted painfully at the memory, but even so she felt the corners of her lips curl up just a little. “I was so bored. I kept asking my parents when we could leave so I could check on you. I think I asked them so much even my dad started to get annoyed.” Beside her Lexa smiled, the movement little, but that smile almost immediately fell away again. Clarke's guilt swam together, forming a ball in her gut too dense to break through, and it began to slowly grow. Her brow furrowed as she tried to knock it back and tamper it down, but knew it was no use.  
  
“When we were finally driving home, I was watching the stars,” she continued, her voice so quiet even she could barely hear it. “Looking for shooting stars, just like always. And I saw one. A real shooting star, not a satellite or an airplane or anything like that, but a real shooting star. I saw it and I was so excited. Immediately I closed my eyes and made a wish. I thought if that wish could come true then everything would be perfect.”  
  
That wish. That wish that had changed her entire life. The memory of that wish flashed across her mind's eye. She thought of that one moment, that one wish so many times she could even still remember what song had been playing on the radio; she hadn't really been able to listen to Journey's “Don't Stop Believing” ever since.  
  
“What did you wish for?” Lexa asked, and for a second all Clarke could do was continue to stare up at the moon. Her throat burned and she didn't even try to swallow before she whispered, “I wished that your dad would come home for good.” She could feel the other girl's sudden shock, knew that must have been the last answer she ever would have expected as her eyes widened, but the blonde felt the tears forming in the corners of her eyes and couldn't quite hold them back. “He was on his second tour and I knew how much you missed him, so I wished he could come home to you and not have to leave again.” The first tear fell, rolling quickly down her cheek. “I wished for him to come home, and then the next week your mom was in that accident. She died and he came home.”  
  
The truth finally out there, for a second everything seemed to stand still between them. She could practically feel Lexa trying to process this, could almost see her mind at work, and wasn't at all surprised by her next few words. “Clarke, that wasn't your fault,” she murmured, speaking quietly as though she were afraid of scaring her away. “It was just a wish. You didn't-”  
  
“I know that,” the blonde nearly growled, the burn of her throat making the words rough. Lexa tried to reach out but then she pulled back quickly as Clarke began to roughly shake her head as she cut her off. “But I was seven, Lexa! I was seven and I thought my wish killed your mother. I couldn't, couldn't even look at you without the guilt tearing me apart.” She remembered a moment where that guilt had been so strong it had made her physically ill, but couldn't even put into words what it had been like. “I held you as you cried, watched the way you and Aden fell apart, and I thought it was all my fault.” She tried to continue, but for a second the words wouldn't form, couldn't quite make it past the bile congesting the back of her throat. “I thought if, if I hadn't made that stupid wish then she'd still be alive and you would have been happy and I, I absolutely hated myself. That's why I pulled away; I couldn't even look at you without feeling like I destroyed your family.”  
  
By now Clarke was openly crying, nearly shaking from the extent of her guilt. Lexa reached out, her hand falling to the blonde's arm and gripping it lightly, and she felt herself flinch. The movement didn't cause her to let go, maybe even just made her hold on a little tighter. When she spoke up, Lexa's voice was still soft. “Clarke; you didn't kill my mother, a car accident did. You had nothing to do with that.”  
  
“I know,” Clarke croaked, more tears rolling down her cheeks. “I do, I know.” She shook her head. “But back then I thought I did, and when I was old enough to realize it wasn't me, I still couldn't look at you because I'd abandoned you. Your mother died, and only a few months later I was spending all my time with Raven and Octavia. I left you because I felt so guilty, and then when I realized I shouldn't have I felt even worse for leaving.” She still couldn't pinpoint when she'd made that realization, all she knew was that her guilt had never gone away, just morphed from one reason to the other. “Everything... Everything I did was wrong, and I can never make it up to you. I'm so sorry Lexa.”  
  
If this were anyone else, she might have expected them to get up and walk away and not look back, but since this was Lexa she wasn't at all surprised with her response. Within seconds she was tugging against Clarke's arm, and though she tried to resist knowing she didn't deserve the brunette's comfort, Clarke found herself melting into her best friend's hold. Lexa's arms wrapped around her, holding her as close as possible, and the blonde pressed herself just as close, tucking her face against her shoulder as the tears continued hot and fast.  
  
“It's okay Clarke,” she whispered, trying to comfort her, but Clarke shook her head against her shoulder. “No, it's not,” she replied, her voice still breaking, “I just left you. You needed me and I just left. After what happened and I just-” She cut herself off, shaking her head harder, and felt Lexa hold her tighter.  
  
“I got through it,” she murmured, lightly shrugging the shoulder Clarke wasn't leaning against. “I can't say it didn't hurt, but I got through. I started hanging out with Anya and she helped me.”  
  
“I should have been there,” Clarke said, the same words she'd spent years silently berating herself with spoken out loud. “I shouldn't have left you.”  
  
“Maybe,” Lexa replied quietly. “But we can't change what happened, Clarke. All we can do is try to move on. You needed to get away and I needed to learn how to survive without you. Now though...” Clarke heard her trail off, and her heart grasped at the missing words. She paused for a moment, as though collecting herself, and then continued even more quietly, “Now I would really like my best friend back. I've really...” Her voice cracked, more emotion in it than Clarke thought she'd ever heard before. “...really missed her.” Clarke's eyes shut tightly as her forehead pressed harder against her shoulder, but when she pulled back the next second they opened again, finding green eyes bright with their own tears and cheeks wet with them. She could read a hesitant hope in that gaze, as though Lexa were almost afraid to believe this might really be happening, and in that moment Clarke swore to herself she would find some way to make all of this up to her.  
  
“I've missed you too,” she whispered, her voice nearly hoarse. “So much Lexa. You have no idea how much.” She caught it as one corner of the other girl's mouth turned up in a weak attempt at a grin. “I think I have some idea.” Clarke managed to flash her a little smile, but then the next second that smile fell away and her eyes closed. She leaned forward without seeing, and then their foreheads were pressing together, and something stirred in her chest at the familiar touch.  
  
“I'm really so sorry, Lex,” Clarke murmured, and then she felt the brunette's head shake lightly, still pressing against her own. “You don't need to apologize, Clarke. I understand.” Clarke let out a loud breath, trying to push out everything that still stormed inside her, and felt it as Lexa's head tilted, pressing a little harder against hers.  
  
Neither of them knew how long they sat there like that, each trying to let go of the pain and guilt from the past so they could move on to a future where they were close again. After years of surviving in what felt like some great raging storm, Clarke now found herself in its eye, finally finding safety. Lexa had always been her safety, the one person she could go to no matter what else was going on around her and just be with, and everything inside her settled, knowing she had that back now.  
  
Finally she pulled back a little, opening her eyes, and watched as the other girl's eyes opened too. Her lips curled up just a little, a very small smile tugging at them, and then she briefly bumped her forehead back against Lexa's.  
  
“Thanks,” she said, her tone still soft. “I really needed that. All of it. And even though you say I don't need to be, I really am sorry.” Lexa returned her smile with a small one of her own before replying, “I'm always here for you, Clarke.” The blonde felt her heart flutter and her smile grew. “I know. You always have been. And I'm going to be here for you from now on, Lexa. I promise.” The other girl grinned and it made the fluttering in her chest grow as she nodded. “I like that. Very much.”  
  
For a few more minutes they sat together, both feeling more at peace than they had for possibly years. Eventually Clarke glanced back up at the sky, and then one corner of her mouth tugged up a little higher, a thought coming to her.  
  
“You know, I haven't made a wish since that night,” she informed her, and she noticed Lexa's eyebrows raise a little in surprise. “Not on any stars or birthday candles or anything. I was always too afraid to. But I think I'm gonna make a birthday wish right now.”  
  
“What are you going to wish?” Lexa wanted to know, and Clarke flashed her a smile. “That I don't ever go another week without seeing you smile. I don't think I could make a better wish than that.” She watched as her words had their desired reaction, the wish already coming true as Lexa's lips slowly pulled up into a little smile, and then she bumped her shoulder lightly against the blonde's. “I like that wish. I like it a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I just wanted to give you a little update. Because this chapter and chapter four for Lexa's story were so long, I got a little behind in my writing. I'm about 80% sure I'm still going to be able to update every day until the story is done, but it is possible that won't be the case. If it isn't and I'm unable to get a chapter up one night, know that I'll be working hard to get it updated the next night (and so on and so forth with any following chapters). I have Lexa's fifth chapter all written and am almost done with Clarke's, so if this does happen it won't be until later in the week, but I thought now would be a good time to give the warning. Luckily none of the last three chapters for either story should be even close to this long, so I'm feeling hopeful. Thanks, and I hope you're all enjoying so far!


	5. Chapter 5

“Drink drink drink!” Raven and Octavia chanted, Raven pounding her fist against the table as she did. Jasper, Bellamy and Finn all did as they were told, the three racing to see who could finish their milkshake first. Clarke watched on, an eyebrow quirked, and just hoped none of them would get sick. Stuck back in the corner of the booth beside Finn, she had little to no chance of missing it if any of them did. Monty and Lincoln watched on as well, Monty shaking his head slightly and Lincoln clearly just amused.  
  
Jasper was the first to finish, and he smacked his lips as he brought his empty cup down to the table a little harder than necessary. “Ah!” he said, sounding entirely satisfied with himself, and grinned at the other two. “You guys didn't have a chance, I'm the milkshake chugging champion!” Bellamy just flipped him off as he continued to drink and Finn ignored him completely, tilting his cup back even further. A couple of seconds later and it was his turn to slam down his cup, grinning triumphantly. “Number two, not bad, I'll take it,” he stated, flashing Bellamy a look as the last competitor finally finished his drink, wincing as he too lowered his cup. “Okay, now I have brain freeze,” he mumbled, hand going up to his head, and Jasper grinned at him.  
  
“Rookie,” he stated, shaking his head proudly. Reaching over, he clapped the other guy on the shoulder, telling him, “It's okay Bellamy, you'll get the hang of it. We can't all be naturally born champions.” Bellamy shot him a little glare and then winced again before looking over to Clarke. “Okay Clarke, how do I get rid of this?”  
  
“You don't agree to a milkshake drinking contest in the first place,” she informed him smoothly, feeling absolutely no sympathy for him. Leaning forward, she took a drink of her own milkshake as he gave her a pitiful look. “Yeah, okay, but say you did agree to the contest and you did it, how would you get rid of the brain freeze?” She rolled her eyes, and then gave in. “Press on the roof of your mouth with your thumb. It'll help warm up your palette again.” He flashed her a grin and then did just that, and it was almost worth all the foolishness to see him sitting there with his thumb in his mouth.  
  
“How is it the big bad quarterback can be stopped by a little bit of brain freeze?” Raven wanted to know, turning towards him, and he flashed her a glare. Octavia let out a little laugh entirely at her brother's expense, and added, “Yeah Bell, you better warm up before the game next week or Azgeda might actually stand a little chance against us.” Her brother's glare intensified at the reminder of the game and he pulled his thumb out of his mouth, telling her, “No way is that going to happen. Roan's going down and I have every intention of making it hurt.” Octavia smirked at that, and even Lincoln tipped his head as though in agreement, and Clarke almost rolled her eyes at the football players' intensity. She didn't really like Roan anymore than the rest of them, but she would never entirely understand the almost animosity that came from this rivalry.  
  
As the conversation continued around the big game and beating Azgeda, Clarke ignored them, instead looking across the table. Monty sat across from her, also looking like he wasn't paying any attention to the conversation. She'd always been impressed by his ability to tune any of them out but still somehow pay attention at the same time, a feat she often tried but found impossible when it came to their friends. He had a notebook open in front of him where he was busy writing down some kind of code she didn't understand, focused far more intently on that even as he picked at the fries on his plate at the same time. While Raven was a genius with all things chemistry and making anything and everything go boom, Monty's genius was quieter, more subtle with his computers. If any of them was ever going to take over the world, she was pretty sure it would be him, and she was also pretty sure she was the only one who would ever have expected it.  
  
“I heard that Miller is single again,” she stated, the corners of her mouth quirking up as she gave him a look. He glanced up from his notebook, his cheeks suddenly flushing a little pink, and her grin grew. “Maybe the game could be your chance to make your move.”  
  
“I don't think I have any moves,” he mumbled but unfortunately for him Jasper seemed just as bored with the football conversation as them and suddenly tuned into theirs. He grinned, throwing his arm over his best friend's shoulder, and said, “Course you have moves! And if you need, I can teach you some of mine.” Finn snorted slightly, quirking an eyebrow at him.  
  
“You have moves?” he asked, and Jasper wiggled his eyebrows, causing the goggles on his head to shift a little. “Of course I do. The ladies love me.”  
  
“I don't need the ladies to love me,” Monty told him, shrugging lightly out of his hold. Jasper shrugged, saying, “Eh, so use them on Miller, I'm sure they'll work on him too.”  
  
“Miller's a good guy, you shouldn't need any moves to talk to him,” Bellamy said, apparently having heard them and switching conversations. He glanced over to Monty, giving him a half smile as he added, “And yeah, he and Bryan broke up again, so I say go for it.” The boy just shook his head, a shy smile tugging at his lips, and Clarke grinned. Maybe she'd have to see if there was anything she could do to help tip things in Monty's favor; he was shy, too shy to just go up to Miller and ask him out, but she was pretty sure she'd seen the football player giving him looks at times too. Maybe they both just needed a little bit of a nudge to push them together.  
  
“Hey Raven, Wick's looking at you,” Octavia stated suddenly, nodding behind them towards the front counter. Clarke glanced over to find the guy in question indeed looking over, and when Raven turned around a little to look back he shot her a smirk. Raven returned the look with one of her own, but then turned back to their table, and Clarke wasn't the only one who raised an eyebrow at that, obviously surprised. The other girl apparently didn't think anything of it until she looked up and found them all staring at her. “What?”  
  
“You're not going over?” Octavia asked, and the other brunette shook her head even as she took a bite of her burger, clearly uninterested. “Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you pass up the opportunity to flirt with someone.”  
  
“Me neither,” Clarke agreed, studying her more closely, suspicious. “Where's that Reyes charm?” Raven cocked an eyebrow at her, one corner of her mouth pulling up into a smirk as she answered, “I'm saving it. Can't waste it all here on Wick.”  
  
Octavia let out a whistle. “Damn, you must actually really like Anya. You never worry about running out of your charm.”  
  
“Let's just say I have a perfect score, and I'm not about to let her ruin it,” she replied, a certain twinkle in her eye that caught Clarke's attention. She had a feeling this had become about more than just making out with the girl in question, but she decided to keep her thoughts to herself. Raven wasn't someone who would open up about real feelings, especially not in such a public place or with so many people around, so she made a mental note to try to bring it up later. They had a girls only _Harry Potter_ Weekend planned, so the opportunity was likely to present itself very soon.  
  
For the past week whenever Anya had been brought up in conversation, she'd felt a little twinge of residual guilt flare up in her gut. Despite her talk with Lexa, she couldn't forget what Anya had said to her in Raven's kitchen, and more so she couldn't forget that she'd been right. She'd walked away from Lexa and then only reached out whenever she needed her whether it had been purposeful or not, and she couldn't quite forgive herself for that even if Lexa had. Anya certainly hadn't, that much was obvious any time they ran into each other at school, the other blonde never even trying to hide her glare. Whenever their paths did cross Clarke would just meet it, not buckling beneath it but not saying anything, entirely aware she deserved it. More often than not though when they crossed paths Lexa was with the other girl, so she seldom paid Anya much attention anyway.  
  
Thinking about the brunette, Clarke felt her lips begin to turn up just a little. Things had been going well since their talk, really well, and the knowledge that she now had Lexa back in her life made Clarke walk easier, stand a little taller, and smile a lot more. They talked at school more often, giving each other more than just the casual hello in the hallway, and every time they did it left the blonde smiling and feeling lighter than she had before the conversation. They still had a ways to go before they would be as close as they had once been, but they at least were on the right track again and it was all Clarke could ask for.  
  
A bit of movement beside her caught her attention, and Clarke looked up from the spot she'd been staring at for the past minute or two while lost in her own thoughts to see everyone at the table beginning to move. Apparently while she'd zoned out their waitress had come over with their checks, so she quickly grabbed hers, taking out her wallet and tossing down enough money to cover the bill as well as a decent tip, and then followed the group out of the booth. As they began making their way over to the entrance, Finn's arm fell lightly to her shoulder, and she looked over to see him grinning at her.  
  
“So if you get bored with your girls only weekend, feel free to call me,” he told her, giving her little wink. “I'll be more than happy to save you from the crazies.”  
  
“Who are you calling crazy?” Raven demanded, her fist propping against her hip, and Octavia smirked at him. Without warning she wormed her way between them, shaking his arm away, and then replaced it with her own. “Sorry Finn, you're just gonna have to give her up for the weekend. For the next seventy-two hours she's ours.”  
  
“That suddenly sounds like a very long time,” Clarke stated and then looked over to her boyfriend. “If I'm not at school on Monday, they either killed me or did something and we had to flee the country.”  
  
“Either seems entirely likely,” Bellamy agreed, grinning when his sister stuck her tongue out at him. “Just don't get in too much trouble. You need to be able to come back for the game.”  
  
“Like she would ever miss a game,” Raven replied, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Please, that's probably what half of her conversations this weekend are gonna be about.”  
  
“What will the other half be about?” Monty wanted to know, and Clarke and Raven shared a look as their lips curled up. “Lincoln,” they told him at the same time, both glancing to where Octavia's boyfriend followed just behind her, and he smiled a little at his name. Giving a slight shrug, he said, “Just as long as it's all good things, I don't see anything wrong with that.”  
  
“It's very good things,” Octavia promised him, turning back a little so she could wink at him. “Very, very good things.” At that Bellamy rolled his eyes and quickened his pace a little, putting more space between them. “Alright, that's my cue to exit this conversation. See you guys. You three, stay out of trouble, and if you get in trouble, don't call me to bail you out if you get locked up. I'm broke.”  
  
“Ditto,” Jasper agreed with a nod and a grin. Clarke scoffed, informing them, “Please, like we'd ever ask either of you to bail us out of jail. We already know who our one phone call would be going to.” Bellamy quirked an eyebrow, Jasper tilted his head, and Finn grinned. She looked past all of them, and nodded to the boy still holding his notebook close to his side. “Monty.” Raven and Octavia both nodded, and he returned their smile.  
  
“I'm happy to help, though I hope you stay out of jail,” he told them, nodding solemnly despite his smile. Raven threw her arm around his shoulders, lightly rubbing her knuckles along the top of his head in jest, and winked at him. “We'll do what we can,” she promised. “But just in case, make sure to have your phone with you at all times this weekend.” He laughed and nodded again, and then they all said their goodbyes and split up, the guys all going in various directions while the three girls made their way to Raven's car.  
  
“Shot gun!” Octavia declared, dropping her arm from Clarke's shoulders and jogging a few steps towards the car as though the blonde might race her for it. She didn't put up any fight, just rolled her eyes and then slid into the backseat while the two brunettes got settled in the front. Soon Raven was pulling out of the parking lot and their girls only weekend had officially begun.  
  
“So I'm thinking we start tonight, see how many of the movies we can get through, and continue tomorrow,” Raven stated, glancing up in the rear view mirror to look back at Clarke. “Or we could find something else to watch tonight, and just binge them all day tomorrow.”  
  
“I say we start tonight,” Octavia said, her head bobbing along with the radio. “It's not a _Harry Potter_ marathon weekend if we watch all the movies in one day.”  
  
“Agreed,” Clarke told them, and from the rear view mirror she could see Raven's grin. Her own lips quirked up, and then she added, “And Raven, maybe this time you could not quote the entire movie as it plays.”  
  
“Which one?” she asked, and Octavia rolled her eyes. “All of them,” she muttered, and the other brunette tipped her head up a little. “They are the movies of my childhood, is it really so bad I happen to know most of the lines?”  
  
“All the lines, and no, but it is annoying,” Clarke said. Raven stuck her tongue out at her and the blonde returned the gesture and then sat back, smiling a little as her two best friends continued talking in the front seats. She paid attention to the conversation as best she could, adding to it every now and then, but found her mind wandering. It wandered all over the place, to their weekend plans and to the game next week, to Finn and the rest of the gang and now her newly reformed friendship with Lexa, and she couldn't help but smile a little at how everything in her life was starting to look up again. Even her father seemed to be doing better, though she knew they still had a long way to go before she could completely let go of those worries, so for the time being she decided to just let herself be happy and not worry.  
  
They passed the elementary school and suddenly that happiness dipped a little bit, something momentarily breaking through it. A single light shone off the edge of the building, just barely lighting up pieces of the playground, and from that light she caught sight of a figure on the swings, sitting alone. She could barely make out any details of the figure as they drove by, but just due to the swing they sat on she was pretty sure she had a good idea who it was.  
  
“Pull over,” she said suddenly, interrupting whatever the two brunettes had been talking about. Raven glanced up at the mirror, surprised, and Clarke repeated more forcefully, “Raven, pull over.”  
  
“What?” she asked, even as she did as she was told. “What the hell Clarke?” Octavia looked around, clearly just as confused. “Why do you need to pull over?”  
  
Without giving herself time to give them a clear answer, she quickly unbuckled, grabbing the door handle. “I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow,” she told them, looking back behind the car now to the playground they'd just barely passed by. She opened the door, about to get out, when a hand darted out, wrapping tightly around her wrist.  
  
“Uh, fuck no I don't think so,” Raven said, her grip tightening when Clarke automatically tried to shake her off. The blonde looked up to find her glaring at her while Octavia gave her a look as though she'd gone crazy. “You are not getting out of this car and just ditching us without an explanation, and I'm not leaving you on the side of the fucking road. Hell no.”  
  
Rolling her eyes, she tried once again to pull her wrist from Raven's grip but still had no luck. The other girl's strength surprised her, but she didn't have the time to analyze it at the moment. “I think that was Lexa back there,” she explained, nodding back to the playground. “I gotta go see if she's okay.” They both looked back, just close enough to the playground to see the shadowed figure on the swing, and Octavia raised an eyebrow.  
  
“You think that's Lexa?” she asked, thoroughly confused. “How can you tell?”  
  
“Yeah, there's no way you can know that Clarke,” Raven agreed, and the blonde let out a sigh of frustration. She had no idea what was going on, but if Lexa was sitting alone at the elementary school playground it meant something was wrong and she needed to go over to her immediately. “I just know it's her, okay?” Neither of them looked at all convinced and Raven didn't look like she would be ready to let go of her anytime soon, probably deciding the blonde had finally completely lost it. Thinking quickly, she said, “Look, why don't you guys stay here for a minute? I'll go over, and if I'm wrong and it isn't Lexa I'll come right back? If it is you can go to Raven's and get the movie marathon started without me? Okay?” They looked at each other, as though silently debating, and then Raven rolled her eyes as she released Clarke's wrist. “This is sketchy as fuck,” she stated. “If it's some creep, don't say we didn't warn you.” Clarke nodded, just glad to have her arm back, and then pushed the door open, quickly closing it behind her. She could feel them both watching her as she jogged back up the sidewalk to the gate but didn't turn around, her mind now entirely focused on the person in front of her rather than the people behind her.  
  
After a little creative maneuvering she managed to squeeze through the locked gate, the chain holding it in place almost too short for her to get enough space to slip through, but then she was inside. Making her way to the swing set, she rubbed her hands along her arms, though she couldn't tell if the goosebumps growing along them came from the chill of the night air or her concern about whatever had happened to lead Lexa out here. She almost paused when she heard something, some voice coming from the swing but definitely not Lexa's, but quickly realized the other girl must have some music playing. Adele's voice became more discernible as Clarke got closer, but the moment she realized what it was she pushed any thoughts about the music away. The figure on the swing didn't move even though she knew she must be able to hear her footsteps, didn't even really look up, but now she was close enough to see brown hair tumbling over one shoulder, those shoulders slumped over. She considered turning around and waving Raven and Octavia away, but decided they would leave on their own in a minute. Instead she just moved to the swing beside Lexa's, the one she'd practically lived in when they were in first grade, and sat down. Lexa glanced over at her as she sat but then looked away again when she recognized who it was.  
  
“Lexa?” she said, her voice soft, as though she were talking to a scared animal. She didn't look scared but immensely sad and lost, and something about that look tore at Clarke's chest. “What are you doing out here?”  
  
The other girl didn't look up, just shrugged. “Needed to go for a walk,” she answered, and the blonde didn't miss the roughness in her voice. “I just kind of ended up here.” Clarke scanned over her, taking in the drooped shoulders, the almost vacant gaze, and then asked quietly, “Lexa, what's wrong?” The fact that something was was more than obvious to her, but for a second the brunette didn't answer, didn't say anything at all. Finally however she answered stiffly, “Costia and I broke up. She broke up with me.”  
  
“Lexa,” she breathed, entirely shocked by the news. Every time she'd seen the two together they looked happy, even in love, so she couldn't quite believe it. With the way Lexa sat in her swing, she couldn't believe it either, hadn't seen it coming, and it broke Clarke's heart to see her best friend so hurt. She pushed against the ground, shifting her swing a little closer and reached out, lightly gripping her shoulder, and a second later she felt Lexa sink into it. Quietly, hoping she wasn't pushing her into anything she didn't want to talk about, she asked, “Why? What happened?”  
  
For a moment Lexa shook her head, the movement minimal, and the next second to Clarke's surprise her head tipped forward and then tears were running down her cheeks, her shoulders quaking as she tried to remain silent. The sight terrified Clarke; the last time she'd seen Lexa cry had been after her mother died, and even back then she'd always done her best to hide her pain in silence. Without a second thought she stood, nearly tripping over her own feet in her hurry, and then she was in front of Lexa, pulling her to her. The brunette's head pressed against her stomach and Clarke could feel her trembling so she reached out, one hand falling to her shoulder while the other moved to the top of her head. She began to run soothing fingers through brown hair, remembering to be careful of Lexa's braids, and then started whispering to her softly. “Sh. I'm right here, Lexa. I'm right here. You're okay; I've got you.”  
  
She felt Lexa nod against her but even so she started to cry harder, still silently, and Clarke's own throat began to burn. The brunette had always known exactly what to do or say to comfort her, but when the roles reversed she was never entirely sure she knew what to do. Seeing Lexa in pain dug into her, clawed through her like a wild animal trying to burrow into her intestines to make a home, and all she could do was hold her tighter, whisper more words to her as she kept running her fingers through her hair. At that moment the only thing she wanted was to take Lexa's pain away, even if that meant taking it on herself. Lexa was the last person she knew who deserved to hurt like this, and she would do anything to make it stop.  
  
Apparently the little she could do was enough to help, at least some. After a few long minutes of near silent sobbing, the tears slowed down until they stopped altogether but Clarke didn't let go. For some reason she couldn't, couldn't let go of Lexa quite yet, not until she knew for sure the tears had ended and at least a portion of the brunette's pain had washed away. Finally the other girl shifted a little, looking up, and Clarke met her eye, noticing the way her wet eyelashes shimmered slightly in the dim school lighting.  
  
“Thanks,” she croaked, and then looked at the blonde's stomach and winced. “Sorry about your shirt.” Clarke hadn't even noticed the damp spot until she pointed it out, and now that she did she just shrugged, unable to even try to care about it. “It'll dry,” she said, and then she scanned the other girl's face, brow furrowing a little as she tried to read everything there. She could still see grief swimming in green eyes that should never feel it, but even so she seemed to be a little more like the Lexa she knew than she'd been a few minutes ago. “Are you okay?” she asked, still keeping her voice quiet in the hopes of not pushing at her pain again, and Lexa nodded.  
  
“Yeah,” she muttered, attempting to give her a little smile, but Clarke could see how forced it was. “I'm okay.” The blonde continued to scan her face, trying to decide whether it would make things better or worse to point out the obvious lie, but decided not to chance it. If Lexa wanted to pretend she was okay then Clarke would play along for as long as possible but be ready to jump back to her at the slightest sign of any new tears. Rather than say anything she bent over a little, reaching for Lexa's pocket, and watched the other girl's lips curl down in a confused frown. Taking out her phone, it was even easier to hear Adele's voice as _Hello_ played, and Clarke could read the surprise on the brunette's face, clearly having forgotten about the music and tuning it out. That concerned the blonde nearly as much as anything else but she didn't say anything, instead just paused the music and handed the phone back to Lexa. A moment later she pulled herself away, her heart clenching tightly as she did, not wanting there to be any space between them at the moment, and moved back to her swing. Still watching her, she debated her next question for a second, not sure it was necessarily the best one to ask, but then decided to chance it. In order to really be able to help she needed more information, so as carefully as possible she asked, “What happened? Why did she break up with you?” She noticed Lexa look away from her for a second, not answering, and began to worry she shouldn't have asked until she heard her say quietly, “You.”  
  
Clarke's eyes widened, not entirely sure she had heard right. “Me?” she asked, surprised. She frowned, trying to wrack her brain to figure out what she had done that could have caused this but couldn't come up with anything. “Did I, did I do something?”  
  
Instantly Lexa shook her head. “No,” she answered, “You didn't do anything, Clarke. It was just Costia. She...” The brunette trailed off and Clarke still watched her, worried that she had done something and Lexa just didn't want to hurt her feelings. If she had though she needed to know, needed to make it right; she couldn't be the cause for anymore of Lexa's pain, not now that they were finally on the way to mending their relationship. Whatever she had done she would fix it, no matter what it took. She wasn't expecting it though when Lexa managed to get out, “Costia thinks you and I, um... She thinks that we're more than friends. Or that we could be, I guess.”  
  
Clarke stared at her for a second, entirely thrown by this new information. Never before had the thought of her and Lexa together in that way crossed her mind. When they were little Lexa was just her best friend, her most important person, and then she'd believed she caused her mom's death and pulled away. Since then she was just her neighbor, someone she tried to keep at a distance to keep that old guilt from flaring back up. Now they were friends again and sure, she would never be able to argue that what they had wasn't special, but romantic? She wasn't entirely sure she could even begin to process it.  
  
“Oh,” she just said, shaking her head a little to try to clear away her shock. “That's... oh.” She frowned and looked over to the brunette, meeting green eyes that had been watching her as she processed this information. “I can talk to her, if you want,” she offered. “Tell her that we're not... That we're just friends. Maybe she'd change her mind if she knew she was wrong.”  
  
Lexa's lips curled up a little, the tiny smile tugging at Clarke's heart. That was what she always wanted to see, the brunette happy and smiling, and she knew she'd always do anything to make it happen. Even so she shook her head, not looking away as she replied, “No, you don't have to do that. I don't think it would help anyway; she really seems to believe it. Thanks though.”  
  
“Of course,” Clarke replied, returning her smile with her own. “I'd do anything for you Lexa, you know that.” Lexa's lips curled up a little more as she nodded, and the look made warmth flood through the blonde's chest. The other girl's hand fell down between them and automatically Clarke's did the same, and they both were surprised when they suddenly felt their pinkies wrap together, gravitating towards each other. Neither had initiated it, not purposefully at least, but being out on these swings seemed to have pulled them together again, and suddenly it felt exactly as it did when they were seven, pinkies wrapped together and ready to take on the world. The familiar feeling spread through Clarke, starting in her gut and then flooding outwards, and her breath caught for a second as she felt her pinky begin to tingle.  
  
As though it were a completely natural reaction, her pinky tightened slightly around the brunette's. “I'm sorry this happened, Lex,” she murmured, her voice still quiet. “And I'm really sorry if I had anything to do with it.”  
  
“You didn't,” Lexa promised, returning her grip quickly. “It's just... This is just what Costia wanted, I guess.” Clarke shook her head, frowning a little; she couldn't help but think Costia might be the biggest idiot she'd ever met. “She has no idea what she lost,” she said, once again pushing her swing over a little closer. “She gave up the greatest girlfriend anyone could ever have.” The brunette flashed her a tiny smile of thanks, and then Clarke watched as that smile almost immediately fell away. A new burst of pain flashed across her face before she informed her quietly, “It was our sixth month anniversary.”  
  
This new piece of information caused Clarke's jaw to clench and her shoulders to stiffen. The break up itself was bad enough, but the fact she'd decided to do it on their anniversary, a day that must have meant everything to Lexa tipped it over the edge. A ball of rage flared up in the pit of her chest, the desire to find Costia and let her know exactly what she thought of the other girl for doing all this washing over her, but instead she pushed herself even closer to the brunette. Trying to fight down her anger at Costia and focus solely on making Lexa feel better, she told her, “She didn't deserve you, Lexa. Not even a little. You're gonna find someone better than her, someone who knows you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”  
  
To her surprise Lexa let out a small, barely existent laugh. “Apparently I've already found that someone,” she replied, glancing over to the blonde and giving her a look. The look washed away some of Clarke's anger, her lips curling up at it, and she pushed herself even closer to Lexa until their shoulders bumped together lightly. The next second she let her swing fall back, still grinning as she said, “You deserve someone better than me, but I guess I can fill the position until that someone comes along. I am supposed to be your husband after all.”  
  
“And I'm supposed to be your husband,” Lexa agreed, and then her brow furrowed. “Does that mean we've been cheating on each other all this time?”  
  
Clarke let out a surprised laugh, shaking her head lightly. That was another thought she'd never had before, but she was more than happy to entertain it if it meant distracting Lexa from everything else going on right then.  
  
“I don't know,” she answered and then shrugged. “Maybe? But we never actually got married, so maybe not.” Lexa glanced up, wondering, “Why didn't we? We agreed to get married on your birthday but then we didn't. I feel like that's something we wouldn't have forgotten.”  
  
“We were going to, remember?” Clarke said, flashing her a look. She remembered the plan clearly, every detail of it, and continued, “We were going to have my old bear perform the service after I finished unwrapping presents, but then Aden got sick from eating too much cake and we got distracted.”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Lexa replied, her lips pulling up in a grin, clearly now remembering, and Clarke's heart did a little flip at the look. “Mr. Snugglesworth, I forgot about him.” Faking seriousness, she added, “I'm sure he would have ordained a lovely service, if not for my little brother.” The name of the stuffed bear caused Clarke to roll her eyes, muttering, “I should not have let my father name that bear. I had to change it after Raven met him; she was far too entertained by it and said it all the time.”  
  
“You can't just rename Mr. Snugglesworth, Clarke,” Lexa admonished her, and the blonde could see her struggling to maintain a serious expression. “He is who he is, and you just need to accept that.” She paused then, and then shrugged. “Though I think you can probably forgive yourself for letting your father name him; you were three, after all.”  
  
Clarke tried to fight a grin and then lost, nodding solemnly. “You're right. And we can probably both forgive your brother, since he was only four when all that happened.” She saw Lexa frown and then heard her say as seriously as she could, “I don't know Clarke, he apparently ruined my wedding day. I'm not sure I can forgive him for that.” Clarke laughed, feeling the silliness of this conversation spreading through her, and then shook her head. “Tell you what, I'll still agree to be your husband if it'll keep you from disowning your brother.” Lexa's head tilted to the side a little, as though she were thinking it over, and then she nodded. “Alright, deal.”  
  
Letting out another light laugh, Clarke grinned as a weird sort of energy buzzed through her. She couldn't entirely explain it, what it was or where it had come from, but she knew it had everything to do with Lexa. For some reason she felt light with the other girl, despite how their evening together had started, and she was more than happy to let that feeling grow. Her feet pushed against the ground, her swing shifting back a little and she looked up. “Man, I haven't been on a swing in years,” she stated, her eyes following the swing's chain to the bar above them. Beside her Lexa followed the look, glancing past the bar and to the sky to stare up at the clouds above them. “Me neither,” she murmured, and then Clarke noticed her lips pull up into a little grin from the corner of her eyes. “I bet I can go higher than you.”  
  
Grinning, Clarke readily accepted the challenge. “Oh, you're so on. I'm going to kick your butt.” She pushed off the ground heavily, sending her swing back, and brought her legs up, already pushing to see how high she could go.  
  
“I don't think so,” Lexa stated, following the movement and kicking her own swing into motion. “I always won when we were kids, now I'm going to win again.”  
  
“You did not always win!” Clarke exclaimed, throwing her a look, mouth still curled up at its corners. “I absolutely crushed you.”  
  
“Only when I let you,” Lexa replied playfully, and Clarke could almost forget how upset she'd been when she first approached earlier. She scoffed, seeing the brunette's grin grow at the sound, and then the two began pumping their legs to try to get themselves ever higher. The fact that their pinkies remained glued together between them didn't seem to bother either of them, even if it meant neither could go any higher than the other. Their swings fell out of sink and they swung in crazy patterns, neither just going straight anymore as the connection with the other pulled them off the natural course, but they both just laughed, neither caring that they couldn't win.  
  
For over an hour they stayed like that, twisting and swinging back and forth, their pinkies never letting go of the other, and Clarke laughed harder than she thought she had in days. She'd never really be able to explain it, but when she was with Lexa she felt free, happy to just be, as though she didn't have a care in the world. Away from Lexa, the world seemed to spin too quickly, everything just became too much, and Clarke found she always had a hard time keeping her feet beneath her as her mind whirled to keep up. With Lexa though everything slowed down, the world became stable again, and she could think, could take the time she needed to just breathe. Lexa made breathing easier despite the way she so often caused the blonde's heart to skip a beat, and as they laughed together on the swings something about that fact began to wheedle at Clarke's subconscious.  
  
Later that night, after Lexa had made her smile until her cheeks ached, after the two had laughed nearly all the way back to their houses, and after their pinkies had finally untangled for the first time in possibly hours, Clarke laid in bed, and that piece of something digging at her subconscious grew. Staring up at the ceiling, all she could think about was Lexa and Costia and what Costia had said to her. Was it true? Was there something there that neither of them could see? This feeling she had, the way her heart skipped so many beats when she was around the brunette, it was just a best friend thing.  
  
...Wasn't it?  
  
She remained awake for hours unable to think about anything other than that one question, and when she did finally fall asleep the only thing she dreamed about was a pair of green eyes. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Finn (6:47 PM): In the parking lot now. Be there in a minute!**  
  
Clarke shifted nervously, glancing up from her phone to the clock on the wall. She'd been sitting on this desk for almost ten minutes, her heart racing the entire time, and Finn's latest text only made it beat faster. All afternoon she'd been trying to figure out how to do this, the best way to say what she needed to say, but she still didn't think she knew. Various times earlier that day she'd started to try to get the words out but they never came, always getting stuck so she'd chickened out. To force herself to do it, an hour ago she sent him a text asking to meet up in Kane's classroom before the big game and he readily agreed to it; she had a pretty good idea what he thought she wanted, and felt her stomach roll a little at the actual reality of it. He really wasn't going to like what she had to say, but she needed to do it anyway. Despite her nerves, she couldn't hold it in anymore.  
  
In the week since she found Lexa on the playground, the brunette had been all she could think about. From that first night laying in bed, Costia's observation had played over and over again in her mind, and she just couldn't shut it off.  
  
She'd tried; for the first two days or so Clarke had done everything she could to try to distract herself, try to forget the idea had ever even been presented to her, but after failing to ignore the idea with every trick she'd tried, she stopped trying. She let the idea come to her, turning over and over again in her mind, and thought about it so intensely that more than once she'd realized she'd missed entire conversations with her friends and had no idea what they were talking about. She thought about Lexa and their relationship and before long she was comparing it to her others, trying to use them to convince herself it wasn't anything different or special, but ended up doing the opposite.  
  
For years now she thought Lexa was just a best friend. They were just close, that was all, just very close friends even when they hadn't been close at all. They shared secrets as friends, laughed as friends, and were there for each other in a way only a best friend can be. The more she thought about it though, the more she began to realize that wasn't quite right. Raven and Octavia were her best friends; they had that relationship of secret sharing and joking around and picking on one another while always having the other person's back. With Lexa it was that but more. Yes, she told Lexa things she couldn't bring herself to tell anyone else, even Octavia and Raven, and yes, they made each other laugh, but there was something more to that relationship that “best friends” just didn't seem to cover. She leaned on Lexa in a way she didn't lean on the other two or any of her other friends, trusted her in a way she didn't trust anyone else, and felt safe with her in a way nobody else made her feel. So yes, Lexa was a friend, even a great one, but Costia was right, it was more than just that.  
  
After making the realization, she'd tried to convince herself that didn't mean there was anything romantic between them. She had Finn, and that was all the romance she needed in her life, and she certainly didn't feel the same way for Lexa as she felt for Finn. The more her mind wandered back to that thought though, the more she realized maybe that was because she didn't care about _Finn_ in the same way she cared about _Lexa_. When Finn touched her it made butterflies swarm in her stomach, when he kissed her her mind went hazy, and when he smiled it made her smile. Lexa though... Her pinky still tingled whenever she thought of Lexa's twined around it. All Lexa had to do was look at her and her heart skipped a beat or began beating faster, and Clarke didn't just love her smile she craved it. Nothing else could ever make warmth flood through her chest quite as quickly, and nothing was ever worse than a day when she didn't get to see it. She loved Finn but Lexa was the one she always sought out when she needed comforting and it was Lexa who made her feel like she could take on the entire world if she had to. Yes Lexa was more than just a best friend, and yes she loved Finn, but maybe he wasn't the only person she loved.  
  
The idea had formed slowly, piecing together in the back of her mind where she couldn't find it, couldn't grasp it until it was finally ready to present itself. Over the past couple of days though she could feel it growing, itching just at the edge of her consciousness, until finally it hit her all at once the night before. Every night for the past week she and Lexa had gone back to their childhood and talked on their walkie-talkies as they laid in their own beds, and during a conversation about Anya and Raven's obvious attraction to each other the truth had finally hit her and she couldn't unsee it. The way she felt wasn't new, wasn't anything different from what it had been for almost ten years, but now she finally understood it and in that moment it had been hard to breathe past the intensity of it. As Lexa's voice came through the little device, slightly muffled and clearly tired, Clarke's heart began to beat faster and all she could think about had been the brunette and how entirely dumb she'd been for never seeing it sooner.  
  
In that moment she'd nearly blurted out her discovery right then and there, but managed to hold it back at the last second. Despite now understanding what Costia already knew and feeling the way her heart jumped to her throat, she couldn't say anything yet, and not only because over a walkie-talkie was no way to tell your childhood best friend that actually it turned out you'd been in love with them for years and only just now realized it. Before she could say as much there was someone else she had to account for, and thinking about him just made her glance up again, her foot tapping anxiously against the chair it balanced on while she waited for him to arrive. According to his last text he should be there any time, and Clarke felt the dread churn slightly in the pit of her stomach.  
  
Just as she was debating whether or not she should send another text, Finn walked into the room, his lips curling up the second he saw her. Pulling the door shut behind him, he walked past the row of desks at the front of the classroom and moved straight to her.  
  
“Hey,” he greeted, leaning over and kissing her. His hand went to the side of her neck, thumb pressing lightly against her cheek, and the touch made her nerves increase, guilt already hitting her. Pulling back, his smile grew. “Shouldn't you be getting ready for the game? Not that I'm not more than happy to see you, but still; I figured we'd save any celebrating till after we win.” He grinned at her, that knowing look on his face, and she forced a smile back, the look only making her feel worse.  
  
“I uh, I actually need to talk to you,” she told him, doing her best to ignore the uncomfortable swarm of nerves buzzing through her gut. “It's important. I wanted to do it earlier but I... couldn't, I guess.” He quirked an eyebrow at her, leaning back against the desk next to the one she sat on and tilted his head. “What's up?”  
  
It was now or never, and as much as a very small part of her wished she could stick to the never, she knew she had to focus on the now. Taking a silent breath to try to steady her nerves, she replied haltingly, “Finn I, I'm really sorry but I... I can't do... this, anymore. I just... can't.” Her words tapered off a little at the end, sounding far less sure than she wanted them to, and she watched as his expression shifted. His grin fell away slowly, surprise replacing it, and then his lips pursed and his brow furrowed slightly. Pushing off the desk, he began shaking his head.  
  
“What?” he asked, more surprised than anything else, but Clarke could hear the hurt lining the single word and nearly winced. “You can't... do this anymore? You don't... what?”  
  
“It's not that I don't care about you, or that you haven't been amazing, it's just... I just can't anymore. I'm sorry.” She made sure to keep meeting his eyes no matter how much the hurt in them tore at her, and didn't look away as his jaw clenched.  
  
“I need more than that, Clarke,” he said, the smallest of bites to his tone. “You don't just get to do this, say this when I thought things were going great, and then not actually explain what the hell this is about.” She bit the inside of her cheek, not really wanting to say anything else but knowing he had a point, and quietly explained. “I think... There's someone else, Finn.”  
  
His lips pressed together tightly, the look in his eyes hardening, and she began shaking her head, pushing herself closer to the edge of the desk. “I know what you're thinking and it isn't Bellamy,” she told him, seeing the accusation in his eyes. “Oh yeah? Then who is it?” Finn demanded, his jaw clenched and glare directed solely at her. Lexa's name bubbled up her throat but got caught on her tongue and she couldn't say it. It tasted sweet, far too sweet to taint with this sour moment, so instead of saying anything she just met his glare, silent but not backing down. The first person she wanted to talk about her feelings for Lexa with was the brunette herself, so she just sat there, seeing the accusation grow across his expression. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”  
  
“I'm not lying to you Finn, but that doesn't even really matter.” Shifting down from the desk, she took a hesitant step towards him and he just kept standing there, not moving or looking away from her. “I care about you but I think I care about this other person too and I-”  
  
“You want to be with him,” he interrupted her, nodding forcefully. “Fine, be with him. It's not like everybody didn't see this coming. I was an idiot to think this would actually work out.”  
  
The way he completely dismissed her words pushed her guilt back a little and then her anger flared up and it was her turn to glare at him.  
  
“No Finn, you're an idiot for never believing me when I said I don't care about Bellamy,” she stated, taking another step towards him, this one much less hesitant. “I don't like him, I never will, but you just won't listen. And I know I'm hurting you, and I actually am really, really sorry about that because I do care about you, but this is something I have to do. I can't stay with you when I'm pretty sure I love someone else. It isn't fair to either of us and I won't do it.”  
  
Before she'd finished he was shaking his head, anger still very much pulling at his expression but now something else had begun to overcrowd it. When he met her eyes again she could see the pain, the dejection clouding his own, and her anger burned out almost as quickly as it had flared up. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do, but unfortunately she knew it was inevitable.  
  
“Whatever Clarke,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair, and her heart ached a little at the motion. He looked away, apparently no longer able to look her in the eye, and shook his head again. “I gotta go.”  
  
“Finn,” she tried to say as he turned around, but when she reached out he shrugged away from her. “I'll see you around. Good luck with whoever this person is.” The words were almost cold, a little sarcastic, and she felt her lips curl down as he walked out of the room without looking back. He closed the door loudly behind him, and she could hear his footsteps echoing in the hallway as he left her alone.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she murmured to the empty classroom, wishing he was still around and that he believed it. He wasn't though and he wouldn't, and she knew it would be no use trying to chase after him and make him believe her. They were definitely not dating anymore, and for the moment at least she was pretty sure she was down a friend as well. That knowledge hurt more than the actual break up did, but with nothing she could do about it she just stood there, staring at the door.  
  
She gave herself a couple of minutes to mourn the loss of their relationship, but then knew she had to get going. Whatever might be going on in her personal life, she still had to be the captain her team had named her and that meant not missing the big game. As it was she was already later than usual, most likely not the first person on her team to be there, so she let out a long sigh, trying to push out any residual guilt and hurt from the break up with it, and then nodded to herself and made her own exit from the room. Plastering on a smile to go cheer for a football game was not really high on her list of priorities at the moment, but she knew she had to do it anyway.  
  
As she expected, she wasn't the first person there. Heading into the girls' locker room, she found a number of people moving around, bustling to get ready.  
  
“It's about time you got here,” she heard, and looked over to see Octavia giving her a look from where she sat on one of the benches, only half dressed in her pads. “Since when are you so late for a game?”  
  
“I'm not late,” she replied, lifting her head a little higher and moving over to her locker, not quite able to meet her friend's eyes. As she opened her locker, she could practically hear Octavia rolling her eyes. “For you, you're late. What gives?”  
  
“I was just dealing with something,” she answered, not wanting to share the news of her break up. Not only did she know it would hurt to talk about, she also didn't want the other girl distracted with her drama. She needed to stay focused for the game, and that meant not worrying about Clarke's love life. Plus if she told her, she knew Octavia would want to know why she decided to break up with Finn, and that wasn't a conversation she was ready to have with anyone but Lexa.  
  
“O-kay,” Octavia said, drawing out the word, obviously sensing something was up. She paused for a minute and Clarke waited, half expecting her to keep digging, but then she heard footsteps behind her and felt the other girl move over to her. “You wanna help me with this?” Looking over, Clarke found her holding a little jar of black paint and quirked an eyebrow. Eyes going up to Octavia, she gave her a look, and the brunette shrugged, the move more exaggerated with her shoulder pads on. “Anya gave it to Lincoln, he gave it to me. We thought we could use some war paint for the battle tonight.”  
  
Clarke cracked a grin, accepting the little jar as she turned around. “Anya actually gave you guys her war paint? I'm shocked.” Octavia's own grin grew, nodding as she stepped back and sat on the bench. “I know right? I think she's finally starting to like me.”  
  
“Lucky you,” the blonde muttered, perfectly aware her own luck wasn't likely to be so good. That was one of the things she worried about whenever she thought about telling Lexa how she felt, but she just had to hope Anya's disdain for her wouldn't lose her any points.  
  
Quickly the two got to work, Octavia trying to sit still while Clarke stuck two fingers in the jar and began coating the area around her eyes with the black paint. Her canvases didn't usually move and Octavia would never win an award for patience, but a minute or so later she pulled back, studying her work and nodded. “Alright, you're all made up and intimidating now.” The brunette flashed her a little smile and then went to look at the little mirror she had hanging in her locker, turning her face at all kinds of angles to see it better. “Shit, I look awesome,” she stated, nodding at her own reflection, and then looked at Clarke through the mirror. “What about you, want any?”  
  
“I think I'll pass,” she replied, lips tilting up a little. “As badass as you look, I'm a cheerleader; not supposed to look quite so deadly.”  
  
“Please, you're more dangerous than half the guys on my team,” Octavia scoffed, still studying her reflection, and behind them they heard someone let out a light snort. Turning, Clarke saw Fox and Bree on the other side of the room at their own lockers, clearly having overheard the conversation. Octavia heard them too and then looked at them in her mirror, asking, “What, you don't believe me?”  
  
“Oh no, we believe you,” Bree told her, holding up a hand. “Yeah,” Fox agreed, “We definitely believe you. She's not your captain; you have no idea how much we believe you.” Clarke gave them both a look, trying to be serious but not entirely able to hold back her smile, and they both grinned at her. “Not that we'd ever want anyone else,” Fox added, nodding towards her, and any bit of the blonde's seriousness fell away, returning their grins with a smile.  
  
After that the conversations in the room dwindled, the cheerleaders and football player all needing to finish getting ready for the game. Clarke changed into her uniform, using it to push away the final traces of her guilt still lingering from her talk with Finn. She'd done what she had to and despite his reaction and her guilt she was glad she'd done it, and now all she had to do was get through this game. Maybe after that she'd be able to talk to Lexa, and the nerves flared up for a whole new reason just at the thought of it.  
  
Scanning the room, Clarke saw the majority of her team ready, many now just making final checks to their hair or patting out any little wrinkles in their uniforms. Octavia was also ready, fully padded up with her big green and black jersey pulled over them and her helmet under one arm. Standing there in uniform with her face paint, the blonde had to admit she did look a little intimidating. The brunette gave her a grin, the look almost predatory with the way her teeth flashed, and Clarke rolled her eyes even as she returned it. She grabbed her pompoms from her locker and then together the two left the locker room, her team following along behind them, and met the male cheerleaders in the hallway, each of them also dressed and ready. Her eyes scanned over all of them, catching for a second on Aden, the boy obviously trying not to let his nerves show, and her pulse quickened. The fact Aden was here meant Lexa had to be out in the stands, something she'd known already but been trying not to think about, and she felt her own nerves flare up. Rather than let them show, she gave him a little smile and then continued looking down the line. As she looked over her team a few of the other football players came out of the guy's locker room, one of them Lincoln, and when he saw Octavia he headed right over to her. Clarke looked at the two of them standing side-by-side, both in their uniform and war paint, and felt a little twinge of something in her chest. They may have only been dating for a couple of weeks, but the two of them fit together in a way she couldn't explain, a way she hadn't really understood with Finn, but she wondered if maybe soon she would.  
  
The door to the guy's locker room opened again and Bellamy walked out, all decked out in his uniform as well. He scanned over the small crowd there until his eyes landed on Clarke, and then he made his way over to her, and she almost frowned when she saw the look on his face. Something wasn't right though she didn't know what, and she didn't fight it when he lightly took her arm, steering her away from everyone else. When they stopped he shifted so his back was to everyone else, almost as though he were shielding her, and her frown deepened as she watched him scan her face.  
  
“Clarke, how come I just got a text from Finn telling me he hopes I'm happy now?” he wanted to know, and her heart sank, almost wincing. She should have known Finn wouldn't be able to keep quiet, and she really should have known Bellamy would be the one he lashed out at.  
  
“I'm sorry Bellamy,” she said, and then looked away for a second. “We just broke up and he thinks it's because I want to be with you. I should have warned you he might do something like that. Sorry.” The quarterback's eyes continued to scan hers, as though he were looking for something. “Why does he think you want to be with me? You don't, do you?”  
  
“No,” she replied, probably a little too quickly since he raised an eyebrow, giving her a look. Rolling her eyes, her lips curled up. “Not that you aren't attractive Bellamy, but no, I definitely have no desire to date you.” The grin fell away a little as she continued hesitantly, “He thinks that because I do want to be with someone else. I think, at least. Just not you.” He gave her a long look and she met it, wondering what he saw, and then he nodded, a little smirk tugging at his lips.  
  
“Good luck Princess,” he told her and then winced. “Sorry, probably shouldn't use that anymore, it's just habit now. Good luck Clarke; I hope you get what you want. Or who, I guess.” Now it was her turn to scan his face, trying to figure out what he'd apparently just figured out and whether or not it was actually the truth, and then she nodded slowly. She didn't know why or how, but she had the feeling he had a pretty good idea who she was talking about. “Thanks Bellamy,” she said and he flashed her a quick smirk and a wink.  
  
“Course,” he replied, and then turned back around to face his team, most of them now huddled and waiting for him by the locker rooms. “Now let's go win this thing!” They all began hooting and hollering, being nothing but loud and boisterous football players, and Clarke rolled her eyes, one corner of her mouth tugging up.  
  
“Come on,” she said, stepping away from him and turning to her own team. “Let's go get this crowd ready for their Warriors.” The other cheerleaders all either grinned or cheered their agreement, and together they began making their way towards the football field. As they moved Clarke let herself fall back a little, eyes scanning over all of them as she did, until she was walking next to Aden. Glancing over at him, she nudged his shoulder lightly. “Tonight's the night; how're you feeling?”  
  
“Good,” he lied, and when she raised her eyebrows he blushed a little, lips curling up as he looked away. “Okay, so nervous.” For weeks now they'd been putting together the routine they would show at tonight's halftime, and she knew he still didn't feel entirely confident about the three round offs he had to do one right after the other. The nerves were entirely in his head; she'd helped him with them and watched him all but perfect the move until it was flawless, but still she understood that kind of nervousness.  
  
“Don't be,” she told him, nudging his shoulder again. “We've worked on this and you've got the routine down. You're going to be amazing.” He met her eyes again, and though she could still see a tad of anxiousness in them, his lips pulled up a little higher. “Jus drein, jus daun,” he stated, giving a single nod, and the words she remembered from the fencing tournament made her lips mirror his. “Jus drein, jus daun,” she repeated, the words feeling a little strange but holding some kind of power to them. They shared another smile and then began jogging along with the rest of their team, barreling out onto the football field.  
  
Walking onto the field, Clarke wasn't in the least bit surprised by the number of people already in the stands or by the noise they were making. Nevertheless she felt her adrenaline spike, coursing through her suddenly, as she and the other cheerleaders began jumping around slightly, making that noise just increase all the more. As she worked at getting the crowd riled up for the team, she scanned quickly over the stands, looking for one face in particular but there were too many, all of them mixing in a hectic blur. She managed to catch sight of her father and mother right in the front row and her heart skipped a beat when she recognized Gustus beside them, but then fell a little when she didn't find his daughter with him.  
  
There wasn't really any time to wonder where Lexa might be; a second later the crowd's roaring increased and she looked behind her to see the Warriors running out onto the field, many of them with their helmets held up over their heads, grinning out towards the stands. She and the other cheerleaders cheered right along with them and then they moved over by their team's bench, forming a loose line down along the field. Many of the players followed them, some sitting and others standing while they waited for their QB's orders. Octavia made her way over to the blonde, grinning wildly at her as the Azgeda team made their way onto the field.  
  
“We're gonna do it, Clarke,” she stated, already entirely sure of it. “I can feel it. We're gonna win this thing!”  
  
“You just keep thinking that and then go make it happen,” she replied, having to shout just a little to be heard over the crowd across the field. Somehow the other girl's grin grew even more and she nodded as she began bouncing lightly where she stood, her energy clearly even greater than Clarke's. Lincoln moved up behind her, laying a hand on her padded shoulder, and she turned around to give him her fierce grin.  
  
As the couple grinned at each other, Clarke's attention turned back to the crowd, but this time she gave herself time to actually look over it. She found her parents again and used them as a focal point, scanning all around them in various directions until she finally found the person she was looking for. Lexa sat about halfway up the bleachers, Anya on one side of her and some guys already standing and cheering loudly on the other. The brunette happened to already be looking over, and when Clarke caught her eyes she felt her heart skip a beat and she smiled, the response nearly automatic. She saw Lexa wave, the motion small in the sea of movement around her, and she returned it, keeping it equally as small. It easily could have gotten lost with all the people and noise around them both, but they were far too focused on each other to miss it, and that just made Clarke's heart start beating faster.  
  
“Clarke come on,” Fox called beside her, tearing her focus away from the brunette. She looked over to the other cheerleader, seeing her grinning already as she nodded towards the players, and Clarke forced herself to pay attention to the people around her rather than the one person she really wanted to be looking at, and began cheering loudly as the two teams lined the field.  
  
Green and black and blue and gray faced each other, two hard lines meeting at the center of the field and even from the sidelines she could see the way Bellamy glared at Roan, the two quarterbacks not looking away from each other as their players fell in place around them. The game began, the two teams crashing into each other almost instantly, neither wanting to give the other side so much as an inch. Clarke led her own team in little cheers, trying to encourage the Warriors with every yard they gained and each they refused to give away.  
  
The first two quarters went well for them, Bellamy and Octavia working together to get their first touchdown after only about ten minutes where Bellamy had a beautiful throw straight to her at the ten yard line and she ran with it the rest of the way. Clarke yelled just as loudly as anyone in that moment and her cheerleaders all followed her, leading the crowd into deafening applause. Towards the end of the quarter Miller intercepted the ball during a misguided throw, stopping what looked like it would have otherwise led to an Azgeda touchdown, and she began a cheer for their defensive line. Halfway through the second quarter Octavia made the team's second touchdown, running for nearly fifteen yards with the ball and nobody coming even close to stopping her, and Clarke knew she'd have to be careful how hard she yelled after that for fear of losing her voice. The second quarter ended and the two teams headed back to the locker rooms for halftime, leaving a general buzz of adrenaline behind them.  
  
Clarke gave the crowd a couple of minutes to get up and move, let that adrenaline buzz fall off just a little, and then she led her cheerleaders out onto the field. She walked with her head high, shoulders straight, and didn't need to look behind her to know her teammates walked the same way. Their own adrenaline was nearly palpable, and she let it feed her own, lips curling up into an almost smug grin as they all stopped directly in the center of the field. She felt countless pairs of eyes on her but didn't focus on any of them, just let her adrenaline and hours of practices dictate her next moves.  
  
“Warriors ready?” she called out, loud enough so her voice would carry over the still rowdy crowd. She could practically feel her squad stand up a little straighter at the call, and then as one they were moving, going through the same motions they'd practiced over and over again, their arms snapping in perfect timing and legs kicking at the perfect height.

“Out on that field it's a battle zone  
Our team is strong and never alone.  
Bring your best our team's got more,  
Don't believe us? Just watch us score.  
Get smacked down, we get back up  
We are Warriors; we never stop!” 

The cheer she'd written ended but the routine didn't. Six of them shifted down the field just a bit to form two lines, Aden among them, and then in pairs they were doing their stunts, round offs and back hand springs and cartwheels taking them from one line to the other. While they worked through their stunts Clarke moved with the rest of her squad, each following the exact steps they'd choreographed, and soon she found herself in the air, Fox and Bree beneath her and holding a tight grip to her ankles. She never stopped smiling, that smile always flashing out to the audience even as her two bases lowered her down just a bit before thrusting her back up, and she used the momentum to lift her right leg, arms spreading out as well. As her leg fell back down, immediately caught and steadied by Bree, she and the rest of her squad shouted, “Warriors!” The end of their routine, she kept all her muscles tight as Bree and Fox popped her up into the air, easily falling into the cradle, and didn't relax again until she was in their arms and being placed easily back on her own feet.  
  
On the ground again, she listened as many of her teammates dissolved into laughter and grins, many congratulating each other on a well-performed routine. As captain she should be doing the same, but instead she found her eyes drawn back up to the stands, immediately seeking a single person. Lexa was already looking at her when she found her and her lips curled up, the adrenaline from their show mixing with the warmth in her chest just from the look. She watched as the brunette stood up and began fighting her way down the bleachers, stepping over and around the many people still there, and her smile grew as her chest suddenly began to feel light. Now was the time. Now was her moment to tell Lexa everything that had been swirling around her head for days and the thought made her skin tingle with nervous electricity. She began taking a few quick steps, planning to meet her at the bottom of the bleachers, until Bree cut her off.  
  
“Clarke that was awesome!” she said, speaking before Clarke could even make herself focus on her. “They loved the cheer and the stunts and everything! And you were awesome! Nice job Captain!”  
  
The blonde glanced over Bree's shoulder, seeing Lexa now standing at the bottom of the bleachers, and felt her heart sink a little. Before she could entirely control it her smile fell, just enough that she knew Lexa probably saw it, and inwardly she sighed. Apparently this wasn't the time she'd finally be able to tell her everything she'd been feeling. Forcing herself to turn back to Bree, she made herself smile again, hiding her annoyance at the interruption. “A captain's only as good as her crew and a flyer's only as good as her base. You were amazing, Bree.” The other girl grinned and the two turned to head back towards the bench, Bree still going on about how amazing the routine had gone. Glancing back over her shoulder, Clarke saw Lexa still watching her. “Sorry,” she mouthed, hoping it would be clear enough to understand, and her smile became more genuine when the brunette shrugged, lips curling up into a small smile of her own.  
  
Gathering her team back together by the team's bench, the blonde looked around at all of them, catching most of them still beaming. A new warmth spread throughout her chest, for once having nothing to do with Lexa, and she gave them all a warm smile. “Amazing job everyone,” she told them, shaking her head. “I don't think that could have gone any better. You all rocked it!” Many of them turned around to high five each other, everyone shouting congratulations around the circle at everyone else, and Clarke just watched them, never more proud than at that moment to be their captain. A few people began to break away from the circle to make smaller groups or take their positions back up on the sidelines, and she used the opportunity to turn to Aden. He'd been standing on the opposite side of the circle and grinned as she moved towards him.  
  
“You did amazing, Aden,” she told him, lightly throwing an arm around his shoulders and giving him a quick squeeze. “I'm so proud of you!”  
  
“Thanks Clarke,” he replied, leaning into the hug just a little. “I couldn't have done it without you.”  
  
“Yes you could have, I was just there for moral support.” Her grin curled up into a smirk and she saw him give her a look out of the corner of his eye. “Now we just need to work on adding the back hand spring to that round off. We'll start working on that on Monday.” His expression fell, trying to play at seriousness but she could hear the humor in his voice as he replied, “You can't just be happy with what you've got, can you?” She shook her head, telling him, “I've got a Woods on my team, of course I'm happy. But now it's time to really see what you can do.” He rolled his eyes but she saw the corners of his lips twinge, trying to hold back a smirk and failing.  
  
“Clarke, can I talk to you?” she heard and turned around to see Octavia behind her, the pumped expression she would have expected nowhere to be found. Instead she stood with her arms crossed, eyes already trying to scan the blonde's face, and she frowned. Releasing Aden, she gave him another quick smile and then turned back to Octavia when she reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to the side. “What's up, O? I thought you'd be happy. You just had an amazing first two quarters.”  
  
“Why did Bellamy just say something to me about you and Finn breaking up?” the brunette wanted to know, completely ignoring her. Clarke winced slightly; she should have known she wouldn't be able to go very long before that got out. Folding her arms in front of her she looked away from one of her best friends, telling her quietly, “Because we did.”  
  
“Why?” Octavia asked, her tone low, almost quiet as she scanned her face. “What happened?”  
  
“I just... needed to break up with him, that's all,” she answered. She saw the other girl raise an eyebrow, the look clearly telling her she expected more, and she continued slowly, “You know I care about Finn. I do. But it's just... not the same. I don't care about him the way he cares about me and I-” She cut herself off, realizing she'd been about to say more than she was ready to, and finished, “There's someone else I care about. I didn't want to hurt Finn but I had to do this. For me.” Looking back over to Octavia, she found the brunette studying her, as though she were trying to read her like a book, and then she closed the space between them and pulled the blonde into a hug.  
  
“Break ups suck no matter what, but I'm glad you're doing what you need to,” she heard Octavia say, and then the other girl pulled away a little. Meeting her eyes, she felt the other girl scan them again before she asked quietly, “Are you okay? Do you need a girls' night after the game? I can get Raven and we can get ice cream or something and just hang out tonight.” At that Clarke smiled a little and then it was her turn to hug Octavia, the motion a little awkward in her bulky pads but still worth it. “I love you, O,” she murmured, and then shook her head. Stepping back, she continued, “I think I'm okay, but can I decide later whether to take you up on that offer?” Depending on what Lexa had to say once she finally got her alone, she really might need that ice cream. The other girl nodded quickly, one corner of her mouth curling up. “Definitely.”  
  
The two stuck together for a few minutes, the conversation turning away from the break up, but Clarke kept noticing the little glances she gave her now and then. She didn't say anything, just glad she had a friend who would worry about her even at a time like this when the only thing she should be focused on was the game. Lincoln made his way over to them and Bellamy wasn't far behind, and Clarke let them distract her like she knew they wanted. No matter what they talked about though she couldn't help that her attention kept wandering back to the stands, knowing that there was someone up there far more distracting than any of them could ever be.  
  
Finally the game started up again and Clarke led the cheerleaders in another quick cheer as the team jogged back out onto the field. As the third quarter progressed her attention finally really did pull away from Lexa as she watched the game begin to go downhill for them.  
  
Barely five minutes into the quarter the Giants got the ball and barreled down the field, making it twenty yards before Miller was able to catch up to the runner and stop him. The very next play they managed to close the rest of the distance, scoring their first touchdown, and Clarke groaned with the rest of them on the sideline before beginning a cheer to try to boost them back up. The boost didn't have the intended effect: only a few minutes later they got the ball again and before the Warriors could do anything to stop them they were down at the end zone, scoring yet another touchdown. The rest of the quarter went alright but in the fourth things only got worse. In a stroke of something that could have been either luck or skill, Octavia got the ball again and ran towards the end zone, looking for a second like she was going to score when suddenly two Giants tackled her at once, taking her down hard. The air crashed from Clarke's lungs as she watched and she nearly ran forward even before the whistle blew, eyes wide as she watched the two push themselves off her. Bellamy didn't wait for anything; he began racing towards his sister the moment she went down, but she was already picking herself back up by the time he made it towards her. She limped slightly off the field, pushing her brother away, and Clarke could see her glaring bloody murder at the two who'd taken her down. After only minutes she was back out there, apparently not ready to stop playing, and the blonde led the cheer as the entire crowd roared for her.  
  
Aside from a very impressive tackle by Lincoln that caused the other team to fumble the ball and prevent another almost touchdown, after Octavia's take down nothing in the fourth quarter seemed to go right for the Warriors. Clarke watched them hold their own but they just couldn't get the momentum back up they'd had in the first half of the game, no matter how loudly any one cheered for them. Bellamy tried to keep them all focused, shouting out his orders and trying to keep up morale, but it wasn't any use. With three minutes left in the game Azgeda got another touchdown and then a field goal to top it off, and that was it. As hard as they tried, the Warriors just couldn't bring it back after that and when the horn sounded to signal the end of the game, it was the Giants jumping up and down and crashing into each other in a frenzied excitement. The Polis players stood where they were for a second, probably trying to figure out what had gone wrong, and Clarke didn't move from the sideline, watching as her friends just stood there for a second.  
  
“Shit,” Bree muttered beside her, kicking lightly at the grass. “It all started so well too.” She nodded, half hearing her but mostly focused on the players slowly beginning to trudge off the field. A figure in gray and blue began making his way towards Bellamy and like that she took off, knowing this could potentially be bad if she didn't defuse the situation before Roan had a chance to truly push Bellamy's buttons.  
  
“So that's how the Warriors play, huh?” Roan called out, just loud enough for her to hear it as she quickly closed the distance between herself and the quarterbacks. “Was the team always this bad or did it just start when they made you quarterback, Blake?”  
  
“Bellamy, no,” she growled, putting herself in front of her friend and between the two of them. “He's just trying to piss you off, you know that.” Bellamy's jaw clenched, his expression hard and she noticed his hands curl up into fists. She pressed a little harder against his chest, the boy probably not even feeling it through his pads, and refused to move even as he took a single step forward. “Go ahead Queen, keep talking. I'll break your jaw.” Roan smirked, the threat not phasing him in the slightest and then it was his turn to take a step forward.  
  
“Bellamy, knock it off,” Clarke told him, glaring up at him. “You hit him and they'll throw you off the team. That's what he wants and you know it.” He stood there, not breaking eye contact with Roan for a few long seconds and the blonde's nerves jumped beneath her skin, not at all sure how this would go. Normally Bellamy was relatively level-headed, but every now and then he would let something get to him and when that happened it was impossible to reason with him. Clarke didn't move, afraid this might be one of those times, but finally he stepped back, turning towards the locker room and leaving the other quarterback behind. She nearly let out a sigh of relief and then she followed him, just glad Octavia hadn't been out there too; one angry Blake she could handle, but she had no doubt if they'd both been there one or the other of them would have indeed broken Roan's jaw.  
  
“Fucking asshole,” Bellamy muttered darkly as he reached up and tore his helmet off. His fingers curled tightly around the face mask, probably leaving impressions behind along his skin. “I can't believe we lost to him.”  
  
“It was a good game, Bellamy. You guys played really well.” He shook his head at her words, apparently not ready to hear them, so she decided to stay quiet. Losing always hurt, she knew that, but this particular loss would be a wound to both his pride and his ego.  
  
The two split up at the locker rooms, Clarke not going into the girls' until after she watched him disappear into the guys', and inside she could feel the disappointment in the air. Many of her teammates were getting changed, the excitement they'd felt just a short time ago all but doused now, and she saw Octavia sitting on the bench in the middle of the room, still in her pads and just glaring at the lockers in front of her. She'd already torn her jersey off, the shirt tossed in a heap beside her, and Clarke walked over and grabbed it, calmly beginning to fold it up.  
  
“How could we lose?” Octavia suddenly muttered, shaking her head a little. “I thought we were going to win. I really thought we would.” She leaned forward, her head falling into her hands, and Clarke shrugged.  
  
“You guys had an amazing first two quarters,” she said, trying to keep her tone light to cut through the uncomfortable atmosphere around them. “Azgeda just had a couple of great quarters too. Doesn't mean you weren't awesome.” Her friend shook her head, not looking up, and Clarke studied her from the corner of her eyes. “How are you, by the way? That tackle looked like it hurt.”  
  
“Fine,” she answered automatically and the blonde didn't believe her at all. She finally looked up, trying to force a smile, and added, “I could use some ice cream though.” Clarke returned the smile with one far more genuine, and lightly tossed the folded jersey to the bench beside her. “I'll go get Raven and tell her we're having date night.” Octavia's lips pulled up a little further, her disappointment still very real but at least a little better now, and Clarke turned back around to head right back out to the field.  
  
Stepping back out onto the grass, she saw a number of people still loitering around, groups of people gathered on the field while a few still stood or sat in the stands. Her parents were still with Gustus, the three standing around and chatting while they probably waited for her and Aden. Not far away from them, she caught sight of Raven standing in a circle with the rest of their group, and was surprised to see Anya and Echo apart of it. Most surprising was the fact Lexa wasn't there, and without being entirely aware she was doing it she began skimming the area, looking for the brunette. The second she found her, sitting up in the bleachers with her head tilted back and staring at the stars, her reason for being out there shifted, and she began making her way towards the bleachers.  
  
“Hey Clarke,” she heard Jasper call as she passed by her friends, but she didn't respond, didn't even look over to them. She'd promised Octavia they could have girls' night and wallow in their loss with ice cream, and she was about to find out just how deep that wallowing would go. Either she'd have to fake it, have to pretend to be as upset as the brunette while inside she was really just ecstatic, or she wouldn't be able to leave her room for at least the next few days. This could really only go one of two ways, and her heart began beating crazily in her chest as she quickly climbed the bleacher's steps.  
  
“Congratulations,” Lexa said as she stopped, standing in front of the brunette sitting one row above her. The way her smile grew made Clarke's heart flip even as it raced, and she nodded as she continued, “Your team did very well tonight.” When the blonde didn't respond, didn't do anything other than scan her face, the other girl frowned. “Clarke? What is it?”  
  
“I think,” she began, voice cutting off before she could get anything else out. Without warning her throat suddenly went dry and she licked her lips, the motion not very helpful since her tongue was now nearly as dry as sandpaper. The nerves hummed beneath her skin, so strong she was almost sure she could hear them buzzing, but she pushed forward, forcing herself to continue. “I think Costia was right.”  
  
She'd spent all day trying to think of what she would say when she finally talked to Lexa, and that wasn't it. It was the only thing that came out though, and all she could do was watch as the brunette shifted, clearly not sure what this was about or where this was going. “You... what?” she asked, her confusion obvious, and Clarke answered in the only way she could think to.  
  
Her body moved on its own as she leaned forward, and in the back of her mind a voice yelled at her, telling her this was not the way to do this. When their lips met however that voice went silent, instantly cut off, and Clarke suddenly felt like she were falling. Or rather, she felt as though she'd spent the past ten years falling, and only now had she finally stopped. Where a moment ago her heart had been racing to the point where she thought it might actually be trying to escape her chest, now that racing stopped, slowing down almost to a standstill. Her eyes closed because in this moment she didn't need them, didn't need any sense but touch as her mouth began to tingle against Lexa's. She felt something brush against her lips, almost as though Lexa had just let out a breath, and she realized that for the first time in a long time she could actually breathe again. The next instant breathing became unimportant because the brunette was kissing her back, her hands moving to the blonde's face, and Clarke felt a hyper-awareness coming from every little point of contact.  
  
On and off and on again for a week she had been wondering what it would be like to kiss Lexa again. Their one kiss before that moment had been so small, so innocent, and yet Clarke could still remember every detail of it, so she had wondered what it would be like when it wasn't so small, maybe not so innocent. The answer was something she never would have even been able to guess at.  
  
The first thing she noticed when their mouths connected was just how soft Lexa's lips were. Never in her life had she ever felt anything so soft, and the feeling of them made something rush through Clarke, some kind of heat coursing up her spine she'd never felt before. The moment Lexa's hands were on her though, lightly cupping her cheeks, that heat dissipated, the cooling touch drawing out a sense of absolute calm she wouldn't have been able to fight even if she'd wanted to. As the brunette kissed her back, the firm press of her mouth taking her by surprise, her heart burst, everything she'd ever felt for this other girl spilling into her chest and amplifying until it was all she knew and all she could ever want to know. Lexa kissed her back and honestly she could have cried, tried not to think about the fact she could actually feel the tears forming behind her closed eyelids because Lexa was her best friend and the one she was pretty sure she loved and her entire world, and her entire world was _kissing her back_.  
  
Finally, fighting against everything inside her, she pulled back a little and the moment she did her mouth felt instantly heavy, almost incomplete. Her eyes opened and she looked in front of her, seeing Lexa with her own eyes still closed and the most beautiful hue of pink speckling her cheeks Clarke had ever seen, and all she wanted to do was capture this moment. A second later and the other girl's eyes opened as well, and Clarke realized that was actually the moment she wanted to capture, the first moment she saw what she felt reflecting back at her in the same green eyes she'd probably fallen in love with the first time she saw them. The look made her throat go dry again and she had to lick her lips again, her mouth still tingling from their kiss. Something burned in her gut when she saw Lexa's eyes dart to the movement and for a second she couldn't swallow.  
  
“Lexa?” she asked, her voice rough, and she knew she couldn't even come close to blaming that on all her yelling from earlier. Lexa tore her focus from her lips only to glance up at her eyes, and Clarke's heart did a number of flips when she saw the look in them.  
  
“I thought,” she began, pausing for a second, and the blonde watched as she tried to to focus back on words again. Her head shook lightly, as though the motion would help, and her brow furrowed a little, and suddenly Clarke had the urge to kiss it away. She didn't, held herself back as she looked back up at the blonde, saying, “You, um... and Finn? I thought you two...”  
  
“I broke up with him,” she answered, and one corner of her mouth curled up into a little smile as she added, “I'm not the kind of person who stays with someone when I want to be with someone else.” Lexa stared up at her through her eyelashes and Clarke briefly wondered if she'd ever noticed how long they were before. “You want... with me?” The question, broken and uncertain, made the blonde's smile simply grow, now tugging at both corners of her mouth.  
  
“You, Lexa,” she replied, leaning forward a little and letting her hands rest lightly on the brunette's knees. “I think I've always wanted to be with you. I think I've always known it's supposed to be you and me, I just never really _knew_ , you know? But ever since last week at the playground and what Costia said I just...” It was her turn to not quite finish a sentence, trailing off a little as her heart squeezed in her chest and she had to look away, suddenly feeling vulnerable. This was more like what she'd planned, what she knew she wanted to say every time she'd thought about this moment, but saying it all now felt... big. Never before had she ever really had a hard time finding words, but in this moment they wouldn't come, wouldn't quite form in her mind so clouded with Lexa, and she shook her head. “I can't stop thinking about you, Lexa,” she murmured, looking back at the brunette. “I thought you were just my best friend, but I don't think that's true anymore. I don't think it was ever true. I think you're... more. Everything.” One of her hands moved, finding Lexa's, and her pinky curled around it. It was her turn to look up through her eyelashes, this time not looking away from the other girl's eyes as she continued softly, “I think you're my everything, Lexa. I think you always have been.”  
  
“I think... you're my everything too, Clarke,” Lexa replied slowly, as though she were only now realizing it. The blonde watched as the truth of her words filled her eyes and her heart sang, her lips curling up slowly. “Yeah?” she just said almost hesitantly. Part of her was afraid, afraid this was all too good to be true, that she would wake up tomorrow and this would all just be a dream or a mistake the other girl wanted to take back. Lexa must have heard that in her voice or seen it in her eyes or something or maybe she just knew because she'd always known Clarke better than anyone else, because as if to prove it she reached forward, lightly cupping her face and closing the distance between them. This kiss felt no less amazing than the last one and the second their lips touched Clarke sighed into it, feeling the safety that just was Lexa slowly pooling through her. Green eyes closed and hers almost immediately followed and then Lexa was deepening the kiss and Clarke happily followed her, suddenly aware of the fact that she would happily follow this other girl anywhere. She stepped up, desperately needing to get closer to her and at the same time Lexa pulled her closer, clearly feeling the same way.  
  
The combined excitement had more of an impact than either meant. One moment Lexa was sitting on the bleacher, Clarke basically bent over her and their mouths pressed firmly together, and the next the blonde felt herself falling forward. Not the head over heels kind of falling, but actually losing her balance and falling forward, and her eyes sprang open, hand lashing out to try to catch herself from landing on top of Lexa. As hard as she tried to catch herself she felt it at multiple points of contact as she landed on the other girl and she scrambled to try to get off of her.  
  
“Oh my god, are you okay?” she exclaimed, eyes wide as she looked at the brunette folded up beneath her. Somehow she'd managed to slide off of the bench she'd been sitting on and now appeared to be all but stuck between it and the next row, looking around in surprise at this new position. To Clarke's utter surprise a second later she just grinned as she reached forward.  
  
“I will be in a second,” she replied and her fingers curled lightly around Clarke's uniform before giving it a light tug. Before the blonde could pull any further away she was kissing her again, one hand moving to cradle the back of her head, and after a moment of surprise Clarke sunk into it, too distracted by Lexa's lips to worry about anything else.  
  
And neither of them did. They didn't care about the fact that Lexa was probably sitting on trash now or that Clarke's knees were beginning to hurt as she still tried to keep at least some of her weight off her. They didn't care that they were kissing for one of the first times in the bleachers at their school's football field or that many of the people they loved the most were likely watching this entire scene unfold. Clarke didn't care that this was likely to cause any number of jokes from Raven and Octavia later and Lexa didn't care that Anya was probably rolling her eyes at that exact moment. They didn't care about any of it or anyone except for this other girl who had always been their other half so they kissed and they kissed and they kissed some more, lost in each other irrefutably. After almost seventeen years of friendship, they had finally figured out just exactly what they meant to each other, and at the moment that was really all they cared about.


	7. Chapter 7

Epilogue

_Five and a Half Years Later_

“Is it time yet?” Octavia asked for at least the third time in the past ten minutes. The tassel hanging from her graduation cap swung lightly from her movement, as always the brunette unable to stand still, and Clarke rolled her eyes. “Okay, you shouldn't be more excited for this than me,” she told her, fighting back a smile. “I'm the one trying to get engaged here, you're just helping out.”  
  
“I can't help it!” the other girl replied, bouncing around a little. “This is just so sweet and kind of brilliant. Taking Lexa on a trip through your past in a scavenger hunt? So good!”  
  
Clarke's lips curled up a little at that even as the nerves in her gut started to buzz all over again. All day they'd come and gone, her plan for the evening constantly on her mind, but she'd had to fight them back and make herself do nothing but smile and laugh as countless people tried to talk to her. The only people who knew about her plan were the four she'd recruited to help her, and she didn't want anyone else to find out and spoil everything. So she'd kept it all in, bottled up inside until she was nearly ready to explode. Octavia may be the one practically jumping up and down but the blonde was only managing to contain her composure on the outside; inside her gut felt like it had become nothing but a big ball of electricity, constantly zapping her with energy until she could barely focus enough to remember to blink.  
  
Looking out the kitchen window and seeing the people roaming around in the yard, she tried to make a quick estimation of the time and how long it would take Lexa to complete each step of her plan. “Give it another five minutes and then we'll have Anya get Lexa.” Octavia's grin widened, her excitement only growing, and Clarke shook her head, feeling her own energy spike as well.  
  
She'd been planning this for months. Ever since Lexa began talking about grad school and applying to various programs to continue her education, Clarke knew she wouldn't be able to wait much longer. For years now the idea of marriage, actual marriage, had been in the back of her mind, but now the future and life and adulthood had finally somehow caught up with them, and Clarke knew it was time. Lexa didn't know, far too preoccupied with carefully choosing the right program and then trying to find the right apartment and making sure Clarke _really_ was okay with moving fifteen hours away from her family and friends; she didn't know it was time but the blonde did. She'd decided their junior year of college she would ask Lexa shortly after they graduated if Lexa didn't ask her first, and then as she watched the brunette try to painstakingly plan the next few years of their future while keeping all the facts in mind, she'd known it had to be very shortly after. As in, hours after. That morning she and Lexa had graduated from their undergrad programs, as close to side-by-side as they could be with alphabetical seating, and this afternoon their parents had thrown a major graduation party for them and all of their friends who had recently graduated as well, and with the gang all back together Clarke knew it was time. For months she carefully planned out every clue and the order it would all go in, and over the past couple of weeks she'd reached out to the four people she needed in order for this to be a success, and now they were ready.  
  
After only two minutes Octavia started to move again beside her, and Clarke broke down.  
  
“Okay, fine, it's time,” she told her, figuring a minute or two earlier than she wanted wouldn't hurt anything. “Let me text Anya, then you can go.” The brunette's excitement flared up, nearly bouncing off the walls now, and Clarke shook her head as she grabbed her phone from one of the pockets in her graduation gown.  
  
**Clarke: (6:22 PM): It's time.**  
  
Luckily for both of them they didn't have to wait long to get the response.  
  
**Anya: (6:24 PM): Got it.**  
  
“Okay,” Clarke said, turning back to one of her best friends. “Go ahead. She'll meet you at the playground, and you give her the next clue.”  
  
“I'm on it, Clarke!” Octavia replied, giving her a little salute, and then she turned and headed out of the house. The blonde's heart began to beat a little faster as she disappeared; it had begun, which meant there was no turning back now. Not that she wanted to, but the swarm of nerves now buzzing forcefully around her gut certainly wasn't going to make the next period of waiting she had to do any easier.  
  
“Hey there kiddo,” she heard behind her, and turned to see her father walking in with a _Kiss the Cook_ apron on. He carried what was once probably a platter full of burgers, the tray now empty. “What are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be outside with all your friends?”  
  
“I just had to come inside for a minute,” she told him, the lie true enough. “It's a little hectic out there.” In truth she was hiding; Lexa couldn't see her for the next few minutes or her entire plan would be ruined. It had actually gotten hectic outside though, the dozens and dozens of people almost hard to wade through, so she figured the answer wasn't a complete lie.  
  
“Mm,” her dad agreed, putting the platter on the counter. “It is crazy.” He grinned then and threw his arm around her shoulders, shaking his head. “Not nearly as crazy as the fact my baby girl graduated from college today though. When did you grow up, because I think I missed it.” She rolled her eyes a little but felt her lips turn up, telling him, “I think I've been pretty grown up for awhile, Dad. The only thing different today is that I graduated college.”  
  
“And are moving away,” he added, shaking his head, and he held her a little tighter. “We're gonna miss you, Clarke. I know you need to go for Lexa, but we'll miss you.” Her nerves over her surprise engagement plan melted away just a little, something else filling her chest. “I know, I'll miss you too Dad,” she murmured, pressing lightly against him. He kissed her on the forehead and she fell into it just a little, suddenly feeling five years old again. The next second she felt her phone buzz in her pocket, and the feeling was doused as the nerves flooded through her again. Grabbing the phone, she pulled away from her father, saying, “I have to take this. Save me a burger!”  
  
“Will do!” he replied easily as he moved over to the fridge to grab a new stack of patties to take out to the grill, and she flashed him another smile before hurrying away. Beginning to make her way up the stairs, she took a quick look at her phone.  
  
**Anya: (6:36 PM): She's looking for you.**  
  
Clarke took the rest of the stairs two at a time, bounding up them, and then hurried to her bedroom. The moment she was inside she went to her desk, grabbing the walkie-talkie already waiting for her on top of it, and then stared straight ahead, looking through her window and into Lexa's. The view made something in her gut stir, her chest suddenly lighter, and somehow her nerves began to die away just a little. This was right, she knew, all of it was right, from her plan to her question to the fact it was Lexa she would be asking, it was right and now she just had to wait for it all to pan out and then if it all went like she thought it would, she'd have the other girl forever.  
  
She caught a flash of movement in Lexa's room and immediately moved, making sure she couldn't be seen through the windows. Waiting for just a second to give Lexa a moment to look around, she lifted the walkie-talkie to her mouth and pressed the call button. “Lexa? You there?” She waited for another few seconds, hearing nothing but silence on the other line, and then said again, “Lex? You there?” A moment later she heard the static coming from the device and started grinning even before Lexa started talking. They'd officially started, and the other girl had no idea.  
  
_Yeah Clarke, I'm here. Why are you using the walkies? Where are you?_ Clarke ignored both questions, wishing she could peek out the window to see the look on Lexa's face, but held herself back. “I've got a surprise for you, but you're going to have to find me to get it,” she told her, hoping her amusement wasn't as obvious in her voice as she thought it was. _What? Why? Clarke, what's going on?_ came the response from the other end of the line, and Clarke fell back on her bed, not even trying to hold in her grin. Her graduation cap fell off but she ignored it, unable to focus on anything other than the other girl in this moment. “I told you, it's a surprise,” she answered. “Find me and you'll understand.” There was a little pause, and then she heard Lexa ask, _Okay, how do I find you?_  
  
“There's a note on your desk,” she replied quickly. She knew it was there because she'd been the one to slip into her room earlier that day and put it there, and she had to bite her lip to try to keep her excitement contained. “Figure out the clue to find me.” The line went dead for a moment, Lexa obviously doing as she was told, and Clarke closed her eyes, as though if she listened hard enough she might be able to hear her moving. She could easily picture the look on the other girl's face as she read the clue, and then knew she'd got the frown just right, hearing it in her voice a few seconds later as Lexa said, _Clarke, that could be anywhere. We've always known we would be together forever._  
  
The first clue: **_Boys are gross, girls are pretty, and this is where we knew we'd be together forever._**  
  
Clarke had thought about it so many times she didn't need to read the card to know what it said, and just felt her grin grow. “Think about it, Lexa. Where was the first place we knew it?” A little bit of static, and then she heard, _In the backyard? Are you trying to tell me you're in the backyard, because I was just there._  
  
“Not the yard,” Clarke told her, though she could understand how she could think that. After all, they _had_ known they were going to be together forever almost the moment they met, but she was thinking about one very specific time, the perfect way to start this little adventure. “Do you want a clue?” she asked, and after a second she heard Lexa say, _Sure, what's the clue?_ The blonde waited for a second, fighting down a little laugh, and then just said, “I'm always higher than you.”  
  
_You do not always go higher, only when I let you_ , came Lexa's almost immediate reply, and Clarke knew she'd got it. _Hold on, I'll be there in a few minutes._ This time the blonde did roll off her bed, letting herself peek out the window, and watched as Lexa's back disappeared from her room. She smirked as she watched her go, and then fell back on her bed, grinning stupidly. “Let the games begin.”  
  
After a few seconds she took out her phone and shot a quick text to Octavia, warning her Lexa was on her way, and then shot another to Lincoln to let him know he should be leaving soon. By now Octavia should already be in place, ready to deliver the second clue to the brunette when she arrived, and Clarke felt a small bout of nerves flutter through her chest.  
  
She waited for a few minutes in her room, letting her eyes fall closed as she tried to relax, but that that ball of electricity still circled in her gut, making any kind of relaxing difficult. The second her phone buzzed her eyes flew open and she sat up, taking a quick look at her phone.  
  
**Octavia: (6:52 PM): I see her walking over now.**  
  
She stood up for no reason other than she had to move and began pacing slowly back and forth. This one she wasn't entirely sure how she was going to play, whether she should call Lexa or just wait until Octavia texted her again to tell her she'd given her the clue and she'd left again, but before she could make a final decision she heard static come from her walkie-talkie and felt her lips pull up once again. _Why?_ , came Lexa's voice, clearly not speaking to her, _The signal won't reach this far._  
  
“I had Raven mess with them,” she answered through her device even though she knew the question hadn't actually been directed at her. There was a short pause, and then she heard, _Clarke, seriously, what's going on?_ “Have you read the clue yet?” she asked, and this time the stir in her gut was less nervous and more anxious. This next stop she'd gone back and forth on for months, trying to decide whether it was really a good idea to include it. This whole thing was supposed to be fun and this clue would lead her to one of Lexa's least favorite places, but in the end she'd decided she needed to do it. Like it or not it was part of them, part of their history, and without the pain they'd each felt in this place they wouldn't be who they were today.  
  
Clue number two: **_When everything hurts I'm there to hold you; through the good and the bad I'm by your side and you're by mine._**  
  
_Okay, I've read it, now what?_ Lexa wanted to know, and from the tone in her voice Clarke could tell she hadn't gotten it yet. Licking her lips, she replied, “You need to find me, Lexa. The clues will lead you to where I am.”  
  
The line went silent, Lexa's voice suddenly disappearing, and Clarke waited to see if she would say anything else. She was about to call again, to try to see if the brunette needed another clue, when her phone buzzed on the bed beside her. Picking it up, she read Octavia's message.  
  
**Octavia: (6:58 PM): She's gone and she's got it. I'll text Lincoln to let him know she's coming.**  
  
**Clarke: (6:59 PM): Thanks O. How did she look?**  
  
Knowing she wouldn't be able to see Lexa's reaction to this one had made her gut wrench every time she thought about it, and even now she was tempted to jump in her car and try to beat Lexa there. She didn't, held herself back, but at the same time she couldn't help glancing out her window, staring into the other girl's bedroom and wish she could be beside her right now. Her phone buzzed again, and Octavia's response made her relax just a little.  
  
**Octavia: (7:01 PM): Like she trusts you.**  
  
Taking a deep breath, Clarke nodded to her empty room. Lexa did trust her, and she just hoped she wasn't breaking that trust. Deciding she wouldn't know the other girl's thoughts until she made it to the hospital, she grabbed her cap from her bed and then slipped both her phone and the walkie-talkie into her pockets and began making her way out of her room. She had a little while to kill now while Lexa drove, so she might as well go outside and be social until she got her warning from Lincoln.  
  
Stepping out of her house, she had to scan around her yard before she saw the group she was looking for. Her old friends all sat at one of the many picnic tables together, talking and laughing, and her lips curled up just a little as it reminded her of old times. Winding her way through the crowd she made her way over to them, and couldn't help but give each of them a long look. Her high school friends all sat in her backyard, joking around just as easily as they had over four years ago, but now they did so in their graduation gowns, each in a different color. She'd been worried when they left high school and parted ways that that would be it, they would all grow apart, but now she realized that maybe she and Lexa wouldn't be the only ones together forever.  
  
“Clarke!” Jasper called out, grinning up at her the moment he saw her. “There you are! We thought maybe you'd ditched your own party.” He glanced behind her and lifted an eyebrow. “Where's Lexa? Weren't you two just having a little fun?” At that he wiggled his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes, glad that some things never changed.  
  
“I wish,” she replied, moving over and taking the seat they made for her between him and Bellamy. Shaking her head, she continued, “Nah, I just needed her help with a little unpacking.” The excuse was lame, she knew it, and she could tell by the way Bellamy, Monty and Jasper looked at her that they didn't believe it, but at least they didn't know the truth. Raven smirked, giving her that knowing look that made Clarke want to kick her under the table, and Anya just stared at her, not giving anything away.  
  
“Sure,” Bellamy said, his tone telling her just how little he believed her. “Right. You needed help unpacking even though you're just moving away again in a couple of weeks.”  
  
“Oh oh oh!” Jasper exclaimed, turning to her excitedly. “Clarke, quick, who would win: you or Anya if you two had to live together? Who would try to kill the other person first?”  
  
“The question wasn't who would _try_ to kill the other person first, it was who would succeed,” Raven informed him, rolling her eyes. Beside her her girlfriend gave her a look, asking, “And who did you say?” Clarke looked at her too, raising both eyebrows, and added, “Yeah Raven. Who would win?”  
  
“Fuck that, I'm way too smart to answer that question,” the brunette replied, leaning back a little. Anya didn't look away from her, just continued to stare at her intensely, and finally she said, “But if you really need an answer, it's definitely you babe.”  
  
“Ouch,” Clarke said, trying to hold back her grin, and Raven met her look, shaking her head. “Clarke, you know I love you, and you know you're tougher than you look, but for my own protection I have to side with Anya on this one. If it was you _and_ Lexa taking her on...” She began to trail off but then Anya leaned forward, getting a little closer to her, and she quickly shook her head. “Nope, nope, not even then. Anya could take you both on with one hand tied behind her back.”  
  
“Good answer,” her girlfriend told her, one corner of her mouth pulling up. She leaned even closer, and they all heard her murmur to the brunette, “Now maybe I'll let you take a look under my gown later and find out whether or not I was lying about wearing anything else.” Raven's face lit up, obviously very happy with her prize, and the rest of them just rolled their eyes.  
  
Raven and Anya's relationship had been strange from the moment it began. Once they started sleeping together in high school that was all it had been, just friends with benefits or as Raven very happily put it, “fuck buddies”. For the first year or so of college they'd broken it off completely, the two going to separate schools and barely ever seeing each other, but the first summer they came back it had started right back up again. Through texts and phone calls and visits Clarke and Lexa had heard the whole story, and after that summer they went right back to friends with benefits, but they'd watched as it became more. It took years for either Raven or Anya to actually admit to that something more, but finally at the end of their junior year of college they had agreed to finally fall under the label of “girlfriends”. Lexa had loved teasing Anya about it when the relationship first fully formed, the dirty blonde having never cared about another person enough to want that kind of a label, but now a year later the two still seemed to be going strong. Clarke had no doubt that Octavia and Lincoln would be the next of their friends to get engaged, but she seriously wondered if maybe Raven and Anya would follow.  
  
“Get a room, you two,” Bellamy said, lips curling up in his signature smirk, and Raven wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Okay,” she replied, and then looked over at the blonde beside him. “Hey Clarke, mind if we use your room?”  
  
“Hell yes,” she told her, “You two stay out of my room. Use Lexa's.” She thought about that for a second, thinking about all the times she'd used Lexa's, and changed her mind. “Actually, I take it back, don't use Lexa's. You probably don't want to use either of our rooms.”  
  
“Yep, no, I don't,” Anya replied, giving a slight shake of her head. “Definitely not gonna happen.” Raven sighed dramatically beside her, reaching out and pulling Anya closer so she could rest her head against the other girl's shoulder. “I guess I'll just have to wait then. You're all cruel though.”  
  
“I think you'll survive, Raven,” Bellamy told her, and Clarke turned to him, lips curling up into her own smirk. “So Bellamy, when do we get to meet your girlfriend. Gina, right?” Raven popped right back up, sudden glee spreading across her face, and Bellamy deadpanned. “If I have it my way, you'll never meet her. You guys are crazy.”  
  
“I'm offended,” Jasper stated dramatically, raising his hand to his chest. Beside him Monty snorted. “You're one to talk. Where's Maya today?” His lips turned up in a dopey grin, just the thought of his girlfriend apparently making him happy, and he replied, “She had family stuff she had to do. I'm seeing her in a couple days though.”  
  
The conversation around the table continued, stories told starring new names and old, and Clarke was reminded that though it all felt the same, time had gone by and they'd all started living separate lives. Octavia joined them after a few minutes, everyone exclaiming and immediately drawing her into the conversations, and across the table Clarke saw her give her a little smirk. The next minute she was laughing at some story Jasper was busy telling, and the blonde felt herself smile, happy to be able to just spend some time with her friends for a little while longer before her life changed anymore.  
  
After a while she felt her phone buzz in her pocket and she grabbed it, finding a text from Lincoln.  
  
**Lincoln: (7:38 PM): Just saw her pull in.**  
  
She excused herself from the table, silently slipping away, and then made her way through the crowd, looking for a quiet place to go. She ended up in Lexa's house, the living room empty, and sat down heavily on the couch. Thinking about where Lexa was right then, her heart tugged slightly in her chest, and she took out the walkie-talkie.  
  
“I debated putting this in, but it's important, Lexa,” she said softly into the device. Shaking her head, she continued, “Losing your mom and what happened to my dad... We were there for each other, you know? You were there for me when you had no reason to be.” She needed the brunette to understand why she'd sent her there, just how much those moments had meant to her even as they'd filled her with pain. A little burst of static came from the walkie-talkie, and then she heard Lexa tell her quietly, _Of course I had a reason. You're always my reason, Clarke. I love you._  
  
At this point she'd heard those words more times than she could begin to count, but even so every time they made her heart flip. Closing her eyes, she murmured into the device, “I love you too, Lexa.” Lips curling back up as she fell back into the game, she asked, “Did Lincoln give you the next clue?”  
  
_Yeah, I got it_ , Lexa replied, and then there was a pause as she probably read the card, and then she asked, _Your birthday party? Does that mean I need to go to Raven's house?_  
  
Clue three: **_Secrets revealed, the truth is out; this night never had I ever wished for more._**  
  
“If that's where you think the clue is leading you,” Clarke answered, grinning again. She heard a little bit of static and then, _Whatever this is, you went all out didn't you?_ Letting out a little laugh, she nodded, and then said, “Only the best for you, baby.”  
  
After there'd been a few long seconds of silence, Lexa clearly now making her way to the next stop, Clarke headed back outside. She stopped at the grill where her father was working, expertly flipping burgers, and grabbed one. Before she could slip away her mother saw her and was lifting up her phone, ready to take what was probably the thousandth picture of the day, and Clarke shook her head but then smiled for her.  
  
“Where's Lexa?” her mother asked as she finally lowered the phone, “I want to get more of the two of you.”  
  
“She had to go on a little errand,” Clarke lied, desperately trying to hold back a smirk. “She should be back soon.” _And I have a feeling you'll be getting a lot more pictures after_ , she thought but didn't say, and then she was slipping away to rejoin her friends. As she sat back at their table she glanced over to Raven and Anya, giving them a subtle nod, and Raven smirked while her girlfriend barely nodded back. They waited for about ten minutes and then got up, claiming they needed to get more food, and only Clarke and Octavia noticed they didn't come back. Soon Lincoln was back as well, sliding into a spot beside his girlfriend, and he and Clarke shared a little look across the table.  
  
A few minutes later Clarke was trying to make her way through the crowd again, now far less dense than it had been earlier, when she heard a bit of static spark up from her pocket. Grabbing the walkie-talkie, she held it up just in time to hear, _What did you do to convince Raven to keep this thing a secret? There's no way that was easy._ She let out a little laugh and then scanned around her, looking for somewhere quieter. She ended up tucking herself in beside her house, almost stuck between some bushes, and then replied, “Trust me, it wasn't.” She was pretty sure she had somehow ended up promising Raven her first-born child, and the only funny thing about that was trying to imagine Anya raising a kid, especially one that looked like her. The two had come to some sort of truce back in high school, one they never talked about, but the idea of Anya having to raise her kid was still just laughable. Pushing the thought away, she asked, “Got the next card?”  
  
_Got it_ , she heard and then a second later: _Really Clarke? That's your clue?_  
  
The fourth clue: **_An unhappy loss; a thrilling win. You've never been trashier._**  
  
She grinned even as Lexa continued, _I am not trashy, I just happened to fall in someone's old plate of french fries. It isn't my fault someone left their garbage behind._  
  
“Yeah,” she replied, “And you've never been trashier.” There was a little pause and she could easily picture the other girl rolling her eyes, and then Lexa said, _I had ketchup on my butt all the way home from the game. Raven and Octavia wouldn't stop snickering and even Anya laughed at me._  
  
“Do you regret it?” Clarke wanted to know, quirking an eyebrow up, and then after the smallest of pauses she heard, _No. Not at all._ Her smile softened, warmth flooding through her chest, and then she said, “Good. I don't either. Though I am still glad I didn't hurt you.”  
  
_You didn't_ , she heard Lexa instantly tell her. _And even if you had, it would have been worth it. That was a very good kiss._ Clarke smirked, biting the inside of her cheek lightly, and then teased, “Come find me and I'll give you another.”  
  
_Are there many more of these?_ Lexa asked after a second, _I've been gone for over an hour; I should probably be getting back to the party, Clarke._ Even though the brunette couldn't see her she shook her head and then replied, “You're almost done, I promise.” The line went dead then and she assumed Lexa must be driving, so she dropped the walkie-talkie back in her pocket. This time however she didn't go back to her friends or go looking for more food; instead she made her way inside her house and back up to her room, and the moment she was inside she went straight for one of the bags sitting at the end of her bed. Opening it, she dug around a little, having to move a few pairs of pants from where she'd hidden the little box. Finally pulling it out, she opened it and found the small engagement ring still sitting inside, just waiting for her to slip it on Lexa's finger. The nerves began to flood through her again and she had to take a deep breath to try to calm them down a little.  
  
She made her way through the backyard again quickly, ignoring everyone else and hoping they wouldn't try to stop her. Lexa was getting to the end of the game, which meant she needed to have everything ready for when she got there. Now standing at the bottom of the rope ladder, she carefully placed the little box in her pocket, her phone and walkie-talkie in the other one, and then began making the climb up to the tree house. It was a little more difficult than usual in her cap and gown, the hat constantly shifting on her head and probably trying to escape, but somehow she made it up and through the hole in the floor without losing it. She'd come up here earlier in the afternoon, managing to slip away from Lexa and their parents as they began to get everything ready for the party, and had dumped a bag full of everything she needed in the corner. Now she went to it and began taking out the candles, five of them already having little pieces of paper tied to them, and began placing them on the tables she'd arranged up here the last time she was home.  
  
About a third of the candles were lit, a box of matches stored in the bag as well, when she heard static. _Clarke_ , Lexa admonished her, her voice easy to hear in the small enclosed space, and the blonde grinned, realizing she must have read the next clue. This one was her favorite, and it made her laugh almost any time she thought about it.  
  
The fifth and final clue: **_I'm your favorite because I'm topless, which leaves you with a great view._**  
  
“What, it's true and you know it,” she said, pressing down on the button so Lexa could hear her. “Try telling me you don't love it when I'm not wearing a shirt.” She paused, giving Lexa time to make her argument if she was going to, but the line remained silent and her grin grew. “See? I knew it was true.” She leaned back a little, looking around her, and continued a little more seriously, “But come on Lexa, it's another clue. Think. I'm your favorite because I'm topless, which leaves you with a great view. What am I?”  
  
There was a long pause as Lexa thought, probably turning the clue over and over and Clarke just waited. Finally she heard, _You've been planning this awhile haven't you?_ The blonde smirked and nodded. “Yep. You know where you're going?”  
  
_Yep_ , came the reply, _I'll be there in a few minutes._ Clarke nodded, nerves buzzing around in her stomach again, but kept her voice light as she said, “Sounds good!” She went to put the walkie-talkie back in her pocket and her hand bumped against her phone, feeling it buzz lightly at the same time. Taking it out, she found she now had two missed texts.  
  
**Raven: (8:10 PM): Leaving her now! She should be on her way to Anya, oh Captain my Captain!**  
  
**Anya: (8:21 PM): She's got the clue. You owe me for this.**  
  
Clarke hurried to light the rest of the candles, finally stepping back once they were all lit and flickering. She scanned the small room, hoping she hadn't forgotten anything, and felt her heart start racing again in her chest. This was it. All the clues were given, and Lexa would be there any second; it was just about time to ask the question she'd been waiting to ask her love probably since the moment they met. She glanced up, staring at the few stars clearly visible in the darkening sky above her, and made a wish on every one of them. _Please let her say yes._  
  
She heard Lexa before she saw her, the other girl obviously pulling herself up the rope ladder, and then brown hair became visible as her head slowly rose through the tree house entrance. Clarke watched her look around as she pulled herself completely through, her eyes widening a little as she noticed all the candles, but then she was looking at the blonde and Clarke was sure she'd never seen anything more beautiful.  
  
“You found me,” she just said, giving Lexa a little grin even as her racing heart started to beat even faster. Lexa's lips tugged up too, the response probably automatic at this point, and pulled herself to her feet, her graduation gown settling back down around her from where she'd been holding it up to get up the ladder. “Of course. I will always find you,” she replied, and then tried to take a step towards the blonde, but Clarke stepped back, one corner of her lips curling up a little higher.  
  
“Nope,” she told her, holding out a hand between them as though to hold Lexa back. “You're not done. You found me, but there's still one more thing you have to do.” She watched her love sigh, her shoulders slumping a little, and Clarke had to hold back a smirk as she started pouting. “Clarke,” she tried, obviously hoping to break her resolve, but the blonde shook her head. “Not gonna work, Lex. I didn't go through all this to let you ruin it at the last stage.” Lexa held her eyes for a second but then let out another long breath and just shook her head.  
  
“Alright, what do I have to do now?” she asked, and Clarke gestured to the cards she could see in her hands. “There are five candles in this room with a piece of paper attached to them,” she informed her. “You have to find them, put them in the right order, and then figure out the message. You can't look at the words until you think you've got it right. No more clues, no hints; it's all on you.” She could easily read Lexa's confusion as it spread across her face, but then she shrugged, apparently deciding to just go with it and see what happened.  
  
As Clarke watched her move around the room, finding the five candles, breathing became almost impossible for the blonde as her pulse picked up, nerves now racing through her faster than ever before. Lexa took the five candles over to the table she'd set up along one wall, studying them for a second to try to figure out what they meant, and the blonde could practically see the light bulb turn on when she realized the color of the strings she'd used to tie the pieces of paper to the candles matched the colored dots she'd added to each of her clue cards. As the brunette began to arrange them in the proper order, yellow, green, red, blue and finally black, Clarke reached into her pocket silently, pulling out the little box with the ring inside, and slowly fell to one knee. Lexa began flipping over the five little pieces of paper slowly, her posture stiffening with each one, and the blonde could see their message in her mind's eye.  
  
**Will**  
**You**  
**Marry**  
**Me?**  
**Turn around.**  
  
Lexa must have reached the last one, because she let out a wet laugh and then she was turning around, and Clarke noticed tears already rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes shifted down to the little box the blonde held between them and then up to the other girl's face, and the moment Clarke met them she felt everything inside her go still. Suddenly she wasn't afraid or anxious, and though she was still a little nervous those nerves died down enough so she could finally breathe again. She flashed a small smile up at the brunette, and knew without a doubt she was doing the right thing.  
  
“I love you, Lexa,” she told her, her voice a little quiet but she knew Lexa could easily hear her in this small space. “So much. More than anything, I love you. I know you've been feeling bad about asking me to move away so you can go to grad school, but you don't have to. I would go anywhere Lexa, anywhere, just as long as you were there too. You are my entire world, and the only thing that could make me happier than being with you is being married to you. I want to be with you forever, till death do us part and beyond that, because I can't even imagine living without you. So I'm asking: Lexa, will you marry me?”  
  
For a second the brunette didn't answer, at least not verbally. Clarke could see her trying to swallow, clearly unable to, and then she reached forward, grabbing her arm and pulling her up. She barely glanced at the ring, couldn't look away from the blonde's eyes, and then she began to nod.  
  
“Yes,” she finally managed to get out, and Clarke's heart soared in her chest from the one little word. She'd been expecting it, hadn't really thought Lexa would say no, but even so the answer made her feel immediately lighter. “Yes,” she repeated, and then her hands were on the blonde's face, fingers sliding up into her hair and Clarke felt her cap begin to stir, probably about to fall off in the next few minutes but she couldn't even begin to care. Without warning Lexa pressed forward, leaving what was likely to be a bruising kiss against the blonde's mouth, and every bit of Clarke's breath got caught in her chest. She could feel herself trembling and felt Lexa trembling as well, and then the other girl's grip in her hair tightened. “Yes,” she began muttering against the blonde's lips, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” She repeated it over and over, each time against Clarke's lips, and every time she said it the girl's heart did another flip. Her own lips began to slowly curl up higher and higher, and then her free hand moved to mirror Lexa's, slipping into her hair while the other continued to hold the ring.  
  
“Yes?” she said, almost unable to believe this was her life. The bubble of laughter she heard and felt escape Lexa's chest answered that question. “Yes,” she said again, finally managing to control herself enough to get it out. “Yes Clarke, I'll marry you. Yes. I want us, this...” She shook her head, as though she couldn't get out just how much she truly wanted it. “You, Clarke; I want you. Forever. Until death and after, I want you.”  
  
The words were everything Clarke had ever wanted to hear. She had Lexa now, agreeing to be with her forever, and nothing could ever possibly be so right. Lexa, her Lexa, smiling that beautiful smile that made her heart ache in the greatest possible way, green eyes shining with more love than Clarke thought she deserved; she had her now, had honestly had her nearly all her life, and now she would never have to let go again. As that realization washed over her, she crashed forward, capturing Lexa's mouth with her own, and she felt it as the brunette clung to her fiercely and all she could do was kiss her ever harder as pure joy from the other girl's words filled her system.  
  
“Hey!” they both suddenly heard, Raven's voice far closer than it should be, and they broke apart just enough to turn over towards the entrance to the tree house. The other girl's head stuck up through the opening, and she gave the two of them a look. “Don't you even think about starting in on your engagement sexcapades right now!” she demanded, and then she flashed them a wink. “Everyone's waiting to hear what the answer was.” She frowned then as a hand reached up, grabbing at her shirt. “Watch it!”  
  
“Get out of the way, Raven!” they heard Octavia say, and then her head popped up beside the other girl's. Looking up at the two still basically locked together, she grinned. “Looks like that's a yes. Nice job Clarke, very well done.”  
  
“Would you move?” Raven growled, managing to shift slightly on the rope ladder, “You're standing on my foot!”  
  
“Well if you would make some room...” Octavia told her, rolling her eyes. They both tried to move and even from where Clarke and Lexa stood they could see the ladder shifting unevenly, making it all wobble. The next second they heard Anya growl, “If you fall and break your ass I am not pampering you until it heals. You can fucking take care of yourself.” Raven looking back down the ladder, flashing her girlfriend a wounded look. “You wouldn't take care of me? But you love my ass so much...”  
  
Listening to their friends continue to bicker, Clarke shook her head. “Come on,” she said, looking back at Lexa and nodding towards the opening in the floor. “Let's get down there before one of them actually does break something.” She saw Lexa begin to nod but then stopped, and when she tried to pull away a little the other girl wouldn't let her.  
  
“Wait,” she said, and Clarke looked back at her, quirking an eyebrow up. Lexa's lips pulled up a a little, telling her, “I'll marry you, but on one condition.” The smile that had been up to that point probably carved into the blonde's face fell a little, a frown taking its place as her stomach sank a little. Worry began to gnaw at her gut, not expecting there to be any conditions to their marriage, and she asked, “What?” That worry all but disappeared again when Lexa's grin grew, telling her, “This time we both get to be the wives.” Clarke's lips immediately curled back up, almost as though they'd never fallen at all. “I think I can agree to that condition,” she told her, pressing forward again until their foreheads were touching. Heart fluttering wonderfully in her chest, she joked, “We've been husbands so long, I think it's time to try being wives too.”  
  
“You can just call me Mrs. Clarke Griffin,” Lexa joked lightly before she leaned forward, leaving a light kiss against the other girl's mouth. Clarke couldn't entirely hold in her sigh at feeling her love's lips against her own, and then she shook her head. “Nah, I think I'll be Mrs. Lexa Woods,” she said, returning the kiss with her own. “Has a better ring to it.” Suddenly remembering she still held the ring, she added, “Oh, speaking of...” She leaned back enough to pull it from its box, putting the box itself back in her pocket, and then she looked up, meeting Lexa's eyes before she grabbed her hand. Slowly she slid the ring on her finger, and the second it was in place she felt her chest absolutely overflow with her happiness.  
  
With the ring now on her finger, Lexa only studied it for a second before she looked back up, meeting blue eyes again. “Compromise?” she asked, and Clarke nodded, silently urging her to continue. She pressed her forehead back against the blonde's and asked, “How about Mrs. and Mrs. Griffin-Woods?” Clarke grinned, already nodding before she'd even finished, and somehow managed to press herself even closer. “Griffin-Woods; I don't think I've ever heard anything more right.” The next second she was kissing her, hoping to prove to Lexa just how true that was, and the brunette was kissing her right back.  
  
Nothing had ever felt more right than the idea of being with Lexa forever. They'd been saying it their whole lives, and now it was true:  
  
They were going to be together forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! The stories are done, and our Clexa get to live a long and happy life together. I hope you all enjoyed the stories, and thanks for reading and all the amazing comments! Now to dive back into _Continuum_...

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who hasn't already read it, this is a companion piece to _You Belong With Me_ which simply tells Lexa's side of things. I will be updating the two stories alternating every other day. I already have the first three chapters written for each, so I fully expect to be able to stick to that schedule. Once these two stories are done (each will be seven chapters long) I will be returning to _Continuum_ and _Connections_. Thanks!


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